Every few days through the season of NHL hockey some unimportant team is selected to lose to the Most Important Team In The Universe.
Today the Nucks - very fortunate to even be mentioned on HNIC - have been selected to lose to the CoTU in the CoTU.
This is the Most Important Game of the Week. Home game in the CoTU. The Most Important People In Hockey will be covering it on the MOST Important Hockey Night In Canada show.
No pressure, Nucks. Just play your part. Lose like all the other times since 2011. Over a decade of doing what’s Most Important for the game. The CoTU game.
And then this little upstart team of misfits goes off script and breaks minds and promises in CoTU. They steal a win right in the CoTU home rink. Unacceptable!
Who to blame? Can’t be the Nucks - too unimportant. Can’t be the Leave It To CoTU players - too good and sooooo important.
It’s the refs. The refs that are guided by corporate edict to job the Nucks wherever possible - got the game wrong and didn’t call enough Nucking penalties. Only 2! Mathew Slashmore against Saint Taveres and a too late to help Delay of Game call. Unacceptable!
If that wasn’t bad enough, the least important hockey blog was predicting this terrible blow to the sanctity of CoTU Most Important Winningness.
Although, the good news for us is that I am calling a win tonight. The Nucks are going to win. — Westy
The game starts badly. For the Most Important Team.
The least important player on the least important team scores the least important goal in the least important period of the game.
How hot is JT’s trade value? Too hot to trade. That’s how hot.
It's Miller's world, we're just living in it— Vancouver #Canucks (@Canucks) March 6, 2022
J.T. Miller (6-10-16 in 9 GP) is the only player with three separate point streaks of 8+ games this season.
He is also just the seventh player to accomplish the feat in the last 10 years. pic.twitter.com/IjkVRefwJI
Fortunately, order was restored to the CoTU with a uber-elite level PP goal from Saint John of Tavares. Some unimportant commenters would suggest otherwise.
Fuuuu...soft pp goal against... — Twitchy
But still in the unimportant time limits of the most unimportant period, the least important D-man on tonight’s least important team, breaks CoTU protocol.
Of course, the howls of protest filled the CoTU with... well... howls.
Obviously no goal. Puck was kicked in. Check the slomo evidence.
Closer look at Hammer's goal pic.twitter.com/flG54cHqmK— Vancouver #Canucks (@Canucks) March 6, 2022
More annoyingly the least important visiting team takes an unimportant 2-1 lead into the stinky visiting dressing room after this least important period.
No worries. The Most Important Hockey Night Commentary team will redeem, nay, reverse this travesty of CoTU rules.
Let me tell you, Ron, there’s nothing in this world I want more than to listen to you talk about the Leafs for like 5 straight hours. The entire time I’d be wishing I was a good boy so I got sent to Heaven instead. — Raddy
While everyone (who is anyone in the CoTU) wants Ron to ramble on and on, not everyone in the game thread feels the CoTU coverage is fair to the rest of the unimportant hockeyverse.
The blatant homerism of NHIC would be easier to forgive if they’d be homers for all the canadian teams, not just toronto and calgary. — Twitchy
It’s a bizarre statement. The Most Important Team in the Universe is owned by the Most Important Broadcasting Company in the Universe. That’s the Most Important thing to remember: Broadcasting by the CoTU for the CoTU. Nothing More Important.
Anyhow, with those unimportant details out of the way, we can return to the Most Important Game of the night for the 2nd least important period of the game.
A period that is ruined with another unimportant goal - from and this must really hurt - the league’s almost least important PP. Unacceptable.
#6 bats it out of mid-air for the PPG pic.twitter.com/p4ILhSgSmh— Vancouver #Canucks (@Canucks) March 6, 2022
The rude visitors extend their lead to 3-1. Something must be done!
The least important team’s most important D makes a pucking mistake at the CoTU blueline and the Most Import Team In The Universe creates the Most Incredible Two On One for the goal.
With the Most Important Momentum shifted to the CoTU, the MiP (Most Important Player) on the MiTitU (Most Important Team In The Universe) rights the wrongs of scoresheet justice with some assistance from a former important player on that unimportant team.
Brutal giveaway straight to Matthews all alone in the slot when he had a perfectly open Nuck to dump it to to start the breakout.
That’s 2 games in a row with a head scratching giveaway leading to a GA.
Coincidentally, “GA!?!?” was the sound I made when watching that sequence of events. — Gawailoh
But it’s not enough. The MiP must assert his unquestioned Importance. And the refs better do their part. And do.
Matthews trips Hughes to set up that goal. Assist to the refs on that one. — marcness52
Finally, the delicate balance in the CoTU - previously disturbed - is restored.
CoTU have the Most Important Lead in Hockey - the 1 goal lead going into the 3rd.
Hockey Night Importance Show will breathe easier during their most important pontificating in the most important intermission segment.
Geez Hrudey’s intelligence is questionable... a 1 goal game and he’s saying the Canucks should put Halak in for the 3rd so Demko can get some rest... — Twitchy
But then... in the 3rd Least Important Period of the game, the travesty of upstart unimportant hockey play strikes again.
Pearce ties it up at 4! — Gwailoh
HNIC announced it was JT - that’s what’s important.
Trickled in but we'll take it pic.twitter.com/41Z5DSkyQr— Vancouver #Canucks (@Canucks) March 6, 2022
Unacceptable play after unacceptable goal in the CoTU. How unacceptable is that?
The least tall player on the least important team in the game makes a big play to stop a Most Important Goal. Unacceptable!
Garland just leapt across the top of the crease to save a sure back door goal!
That was nuts! — Gwailoh
While the CoTU is being subjected to the unacceptable, they take comfort knowing the MiP on the MiTitU will score twice in OT to right the Most Important Result.
The most Bo-zerkian one breaks through the Most Important D in the Universe and worse, thoughtlessly knocks a Most Important Stick from the hands of the 2nd Most Important Player in the Universe.
Total chaos in the CoTU. Unacceptable.
Myers cleans up the garbage in the high slot for the goal after Bo busts through the Leafs (and their sticks) into the o-zone! — Gwailoh
Worse. It was most slowest player on the most unimportant team who is mostly credited.
The least important team in the game has the least important lead in hockey.
Time for the Officials of the CoTU to perform their duty.
Toronto Hockey League... Petterson blatantly interfered with, no call. — Twitchy
Not enough. The Most Important CoTU refs did call a penalty for disturbing the balance of power, but not enough.
Worse. The CoTU had to abandon their net and resort to more Most Offensive Important Players.
And even worse, the LiT (least important team) with the most outstanding goalie held them off the most important scoresheet. Repeatedly.
And more worse, the LiT had the brazen audacity to shoot a puck into the unguarded CoTU net. Unacceptable.
A totally unacceptable result in the Most Important Game in the Universe.
And worse, the least important fans of the least important team seemed pleased by this unacceptable result.
A result so unacceptable in the CoTU, it hadn’t been seen in over a decade.
That last 4 minutes were pure fire-wagon time, and DemVez put it all out! Incredible goaltending there, stopping Auston Jesus at least 3 times on low doorstep plays.
That could have been avoided if they’d won a single faceoff in the last 5 minutes.... — copey2
MOST IMPORTANT VIDEO RECAP
It’s HNIC in the CoTU - so the unimportant Johns are nowhere to be heard.
GAME STATS (Most Important Stats In Hockey - Made Less So By Rude Guests)
SHOTS (Only Look At The Important Shots)
PLAYER STATS (Not the Most Important Players - but we love ‘em)
|#||Forwards||GP||G||A||P||P||+/-||S||PIM||PIM||SOG||HITS||BLKS||GVA||TKA||FO%||TOI||PP TOI||SH TOI||PP||GW|
|#||Defense||GP||G||A||P||P||+/-||S||PIM||PIM||SOG||HITS||BLKS||GVA||TKA||FO%||TOI||PP TOI||SH TOI||PP||GW|
MOST IMPORTANT ROAD PRESSER
Ontario Bo speaks to the media after his team betrays the Most Important Fans In The Universe.
JT explains the seriousness of live or die games in the CoTU.
"Every game is like a do or die for us. I love it. Everyone was on the same page today."— Vancouver #Canucks (@Canucks) March 6, 2022
J.T. Miller speaks with the media following the win over the Maple Leafs#Canucks | @theprovince pic.twitter.com/7fnJyARMK1
Bruce knows this was the Most Important Game of the
week month year.
He lost me at 2011 Bruins…— Wendy (@WLiderth) March 6, 2022
Uh...Bruce... too soon... keep the 2011 Boo-urns praise to yourself, k? NM is a forgive ‘n forget kinda place - but too soon.
Thus ends the least important team’s road trip. On a low note for the CoTU.
What A Great WIN!!!! Woooooooooo!
Nucks are back home in their little unimportant rink to play the next 7 games. Which are really important. To us.