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The Canucks’ Christmas Wishlist

Here’s what the Canucks are asking Santa for this year

Anaheim Ducks v Vancouver Canucks Photo by Jeff Vinnick/NHLI via Getty Images

The holidays are upon us, but the Canucks aren't exactly looking like they’re in a festive mood. The team continues to play some of the most soulless, mediocre hockey I have ever seen, ‘Sell the Team’ chants are breaking out at Rogers Arena, and contract drama continues to swirl around the likes of Bo Horvat. They sure could use a break around Christmas, so here’s what I hear the team has requested from Santa Claus himself this year.

A Brock Boeser point streak

The Canucks don't really have many trade assets they could reasonably move. Most of them are either too expensive or too scarce (not many picks and prospects folks!), so I suspect the team (or, maybe more specifically, Jim Rutherford) is asking the Big Man for a Brock Boeser point streak to up his value. You know, even though they just re-signed him. His 16 points in 23 games isn’t awful, but hardly stands out, and his four goals is actively bad. A scoring streak would certainly do his trade stock some good.

Gary Bettman raising the salary cap

There’s been talk recently from Gary Bettman about the cap going up. We’ll see if that’s true — he’s sort of walked it back — but it was definitely on the Canucks’ letter to Santa. More salary cap space would make the likes of OEL and Myers less onerous, and would give them more room to re-sign someone like Andrei Kuzmenko (or Horvat to, I suppose). Proper cap management? No thank you, but maybe Gary can save them.

Anything besides a 5-1 loss

Please. Just anything else. They’re desperate Santa. I’m sure you hate watching it to. We’ll take like, an 8-1 loss at this point. After 5-1 losses to the Jets, Blues, Capitals, Panthers, and Sabres this year, it’s getting out of hand. Please Mr. Claus.

A mediocre Kraken

Listen, this is obviously a team that’s all in on a playoff run. They think they can make it. I think that’s delusional, but hey, there’s no doubt they think this team can win. And what will help make that happen? If the Seattle Kraken continue to be mediocre. They’re basically .500 in their last several games, slowing down after a white hot start. And if the Kraken end up not being a serious playoff contender, it opens the door a bit more for the Canucks. And you know what that means: playoff revenue baby!

More security guards

People are throwing their jerseys? Well, they can’t just improve the team to stop that from happening — better load up on security guards. It starts with chants to sell the team, and throwing jerseys is the logical next step. Better get prepared!

Cheaper Reverse Retro Jerseys

Okay, that one’s from me. You guys seen this price of these things? It’s absurd! They’re awesome, but they’re like 360 bucks! Maybe Santa should bring me one. Or flood the market with cheap ones and drive prices down.

What else do you think the Canucks should ask for from Santa Claus? Let us know. Happy Holidays folks!