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I’m Balding Because of Benning and the Canucks

Time to bring a championship home, I’m moving to Brooklyn.

Vancouver Canucks v Vegas Golden Knights - Game Five Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

This is the part of the story where it becomes evident that the next 4 minutes of your life will be once again reintroduced to Vancouver-level pessimism. A rank of pessimism that isn’t just lead by assumption and a lot of rain but one tested and engineered by facts and genuine concern.

It’s also supposed to be that section of the tale when I tell you why it’s been a while since my hands felt safe on a keyboard. But I care for your care and I hope that in 2021, you have little time for a man’s story that drops from the smallest clout in the sky.

And to be honest, over the previous 7 days, Brooklyn’s own Jay-Z has been on repeat and the track pushing the needle is “Tom Ford”. It’s a song where the “Greatest Of All Time” refers to his numbers not being said lies because of what the current scoreboard is indicating.

This is again a reminder to those in entertainment, that this is a results-oriented business.

And let’s be real, you’re not here for the host of the 762nd highest-grossing hockey podcast in Canada.

You’re here for those destined-for-5th-place Canucks.

The Impossible

Alex Edler, the prototypical genuine human being isn’t going anywhere.

Let’s be honest and let’s be real, the second-greatest Canucks defender of all-time is a perennial star away from the rink. From afar, it seems as if the 34-year-old values way more than the game and appreciates the big-little things more than you and I. A pandemic-deadline deal is a realization Edler hasn’t seen in his future.

Another run at a Cup or some more time at home? Both sound absolutely f*cking wonderful.

Now there’s that other thing too. The man tapping the dial and persuading away is no other than Jim Benning. The General Manager of your Vancouver Canucks.

This probably, undoubtedly, most-likely, isn’t happening.

I Should Warn You...

I’m balding and am at the point in my fandom for the Vancouver Canucks where I actually do think there is a chance, I, @kylebhawan, won’t see this team ever win a Stanley Cup.

When you get to my age you lose faith in a few of the things you can’t control and yeah, this alongside my lack of hair these days has me irritate, unjoyful, and at times, even more irrational.

I Don’t See A Problem

It’s 2021 Vancouver.

I Do See A Problem

It’s 2021 Vancouver.

Is there a better “unfortunate” situation to be apart of in the NHL for those who want to get overpaid and live with a guarantee in one of the most enticing places on planet earth?


And to be clear, the piece of shady work below enables me to say that without a doubt, I have no clue when this organization will be respectable again.

The city is in the fog.

Again, It’s Not That Deep

Family First.


The notion that the organization’s fanbase is hard to please is a notion that no longer can be a notion.

Partially because it was never true.

The people who follow the Canucks for whatever reason don’t want much from a poor roster. For years and years, my windows have been covered in demands for mid-round picks and very little has been done to dex the requests. It’s the same annual stains that stop us from having respect and pride when uttering the words, asset management. A twosome of words used often for a team that once again is having a much-needed garage sale.

The only question is....

Will the cashier show up?

Mock Trades for the People

  • Pearson to Arizona for a 3rd/4th round pick and the next Tyler Motte... or Ryan Spooner.
  • Gaudette to Nashville for a defenceman that I will know nothing about.

No! Excuses! In! Vancouver!

Who am I to say that having the most games by a handful to start a diseased season doesn’t dilute a team's competitive advantage. It most-likely does and is a spec away from a certainty when that team is constructed by the aforementioned, Jim Benning.

That being said, from the start of this season, when the legs were quarantine fresh and games were at the minimum, it was more than clear that the summer of 2020 was nothing but a hot and steamy false advertising campaign. The 2021 Vancouver Canucks were never going to be as good as my drunk ass thought they were going to be. What seemed impossible was just plain inevitable this whole damn time.

And Antoine, did I tell you I was balding? 51 years of mediocrity leaves little room for rationale building when being asked about the team's horrid performance while playing in the once-in-a-lifetime All-Canadia division.

It is what it is because this is what it isn’t.

No! Sleep! Til! Brooklyn!

As mentioned earlier in the program, no longer is this writer a young man brave enough to give time to the unsureness life is full of.

He believes that someone, as experienced as himself is with the earth should seek out more hours to the guarantees of the moment.

So, as of a couple of weeks ago, that now intelligent-grizzled-vet of fandom signed his papers to become a proud Brooklyn Nets fan. It’s an opportunity Mr. Bhawan couldn’t turn down.

“When your from British Columbia and dedicate cherished minutes and unmovable hours to it’s one distinct franchise in the world of sport, you tend to start trusting fear. A scary feat for anyone who’s listened to that emotion. The same one constantly telling me I’ll always be a ringless loser. This and the fact that Canucks hockey once again became a background spectacle had me believing that the worst will be here forever.

But then after rereading “The Seven Spiritual Laws Of Success” by Deepak Chopra, I was reminded that my world could legitametly be mine if I chose to practice with intent and purpose all while spending more time with silence and nature, So I asked myself, what would someone do if they really wanted a championship in 2021? And the answer came to me in the form of a message drawn out from a twig levitating around the dirt by my right sole.

“Work smart. Not Hard. And go Nets go.”

The city wishes @kylebhawan the best in bringing much-needed pedigree to the west coast of Canada.


“We need to figure out how we go into conversations not looking for the victory, but for the progress.”

The quote above is from debate champion, Julia Dhar and it does hold its place in the experience you the reader is currently having. Chances are you are an adult and over time I’ve concluded that you are the genre of human I should most worry about. Not the damn children we spend our hope and wishes on.

Press Record

That’s all I did with the latest episode of “Sippin’ On A 40” and it’s the first time I went straight off the dome while having a better relationship with my intuition.

Don’t forget to leave us an honest review on Apple Podcasts and I’ll for sure give you a moment on the audio program itself.

You can subscribe to our network wherever you listen to podcasts!

The Last Bit

It’s safe to say that the Canucks will indeed sign not only Quinn Hughes but Elias Pettersson to contracts that weigh different than what we expected in January.

And with that, let’s be real for a second. The silver lining of 2021 will be the organization managing to go long-term with both pillars without the number 8 or 9 leading the headline.

Anyways, we could both sit here and read some concrete predictions backed up with comparisons, facts and theory but I’m just Kyle Bhawan and as I’ve said, the game itself has been “Oh the Canucks are playing!?!?” type of content.

I don’t operate in boredom and I also don’t lie to my readers. Nonetheless, why don’t you tell me in the comments below about the potential deals these two phenoms will sign after less than stellar conclusions to their ELC’s and I’ll mention noteworthy observations the next time I get behind the mic.

Can you do that for me? I mean, I just did this for you.