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GAME RECAP #14: NUCKS WIN! A BIG SPANKING! CRUSHED 7-1 BY AVS

Welcome To The Mile High Blowout Club - Breathe Deep

Vancouver Canucks v Colorado Avalanche
OEL asks Kuemper: “Would you mind staying out here on the redline for 2-3 periods? We’re not keen to skate or play hard tonight. Thanks.” 
Photo by Michael Martin/NHLI via Getty Images

We know this was a pivotal game - to turn around the narrative. The team had a rocky start to the season - a season with initial high expectations - that never got going as expected. That team is known as the Avs.

For the Nucks this too was a pivotal game. A chance to show how much of a distraction it can be playing in the ROG game after game giving up the first goal and chasing the game, game after game.

This game might well have turned around the season for Colorado. For the better.

This game has certainly turned around the season for the Canucks. For the worse.

Whether it’s a lack of effort, mental prep, coaching support, game planning or everything all at once, this game exposed the Nucks as a team of low resistance. An adversity-adverse team seemingly content to coast down the ranking - to hang out in the basement swapping putting tips with their bottom-dwelling adversaries in Arizona.

The reaction to this worst game of the year (so far), will echo through our beat-up livers for days - possibly years. Some say we should fire Green. And JB. Others say we should fire them all - players, coaches, owners.

This game offered convincing evidence for all the options. Or perhaps convert the franchise to a low-intensity professional Curling team. Not much heavy skating or physical contact in that sport.

THE TINY LITTLE BIT OF GOOD

Hoagie got his 1st goal the season. Yay!

That’s all, folks!

THE FREAKING FARKLING FUGLY

For the 12th time in this 14 brutal game season, the Nucks PK allowed the 1st goal of the game - just a few minutes in.

The Happy Stoics in the NM game thread were well... unsurprised.

God damn groundhog day. — Twitchy

Like humour, hockey is all about timing.

Ol’ reliable Nucks PK clock signals it’s time for a drink! — Gailoh

But game threads can’t live on drinking alone. Ok, it can and has. Quite often actually.

However, since the Nucks were playing like they like making millions playing barf-worthy hockey that fans at home can upchuck along with, some solid support is required.

jimmi cynic

After getting down 1 early, the Nucks showed us another level getting down.

The Canucks skating just looks terrible against a fast team like Colorado — Westy

3 Pete turnovers later and down 3 nothing that can is going to get ripped open. And Pete - is getting ripped in the GT.

Sorry, but Petey needs to be stapled onto the bench, the schnied is HUGE there. — Chicky

Dining-in while watching a Nucks road game? Not for those without tough stomachs or free delivery.

If this is the level of entertainment we’re gonna get tonight I’ma be pissed... I ordered dinner through door dash from a restaurant that’s literally across the street cuz I didn’t want to miss the first period :/ — Twitchy

A 1st period where the Nucks recorded... wait for it... we did... but 3 shots. In the entire period.

But wait! The Nucks had another level for the 2nd period. Play just as poorly as in the first and good things happen. For the Avs.

jimmi cynic

This is amazing to watch. Bag skate time, the whole team is playing like they don’t give a shit. — Twitchy

Some were wondering what the identity of this New LookieLu Nucks team would be. After the Boofooloo game we had a hint - a premonition.

This game was the confirmation.

The We Don’t Give A Damn Team?

Could be. But why? Because making millions playing a kids game in the world’s best league is good enough. Because the Nucking management and coaches have, for the 1st time in the NHL, obtained the tenure that only academics at Oxford enjoy.

Good teams don’t lose 7-1. Are the Nucks a good team? Maybe the game thread can clear that up for us.

Good lord what a burning pile of shit our team is. — Twitchy

From a horrible PK, to a terrible PP - from low engagement to poor skating, from special team coaching to...

Who the fuck is sharpening skates for the Canucks? They are falling everywhere — Westy

Nucks getting blown-out always brings out the astute observations from the NMtelligentsia.

Pretty sure reading Greeners lips there he was saying “what the fuck is wrong with you???” It’s like he’s reading my mind. — Twitchy

Pretty sure he said “SHOOT ME NOW” — Chicky

There are bad games. There are really bad games where everything goes wrong. And then there’s games that should never happen outside of the pre-season. Games where the team seemingly gives up right off the first face off.

Wanna Watch the High Lowlights from the game? Me neither.

GAME STATS (The Horror Is Larger Than It Appears)

SOG FO% PP PIM HITS BLKS GVA
Canucks
VAN
22 56% 0/3 22 21 9 6
Avalanche
COL
35 44% 2/3 6 17 14 5

SHOTS BEING COUNTED (Not Enough Nucking Shots)

Period VAN COL
1st 3 12
2nd 10 14
3rd 9 9
Total 22 35

PLAYER STATS (The Horror Is Much Larger Than It Appears)

# Forwards GP G A P P +/- S PIM PIM SOG HITS BLKS GVA TKA FO% TOI PP TOI SH TOI PP GW
6 B. Boeser 0 0 0 0 -1 2 0 2 1 0 1 0 18:50 4:31 --:-- 0
8 C. Garland 0 0 0 0 -2 1 0 1 2 0 0 0 0 13:51 1:06 --:-- 0
9 J.T. Miller 0 1 1 1 -1 1 0 1 4 1 0 0 77 18:25 4:02 2:04 0
18 J. Dickinson 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 2 1 1 1 40 14:32 --:-- 1:20 0
21 N. Hoglander 1 0 1 1 0 1 0 1 0 0 1 0 12:52 1:13 --:-- 0
40 E. Pettersson 0 0 0 0 -1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 60 17:18 4:02 --:-- 0
53 B. Horvat 0 0 0 0 -1 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 55 17:18 3:54 2:06 0
70 T. Pearson 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 13:53 0:44 1:14 0
73 J. Dowling 0 0 0 0 -1 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 11:49 0:02 --:-- 0
91 J. Lammikko 0 0 0 0 -2 0 0 0 1 1 0 0 44 13:35 0:02 2:09 0
92 V. Podkolzin 0 0 0 0 -2 2 2 2 0 1 0 0 13:33 1:20 --:-- 0
95 J. Bailey 0 0 0 0 -2 2 0 2 0 0 0 1 13:19 0:02 2:11 0
# Defense GP G A P P +/- S PIM PIM SOG HITS BLKS GVA TKA FO% TOI PP TOI SH TOI PP GW
3 J. Rathbone 0 0 0 0 -2 0 0 0 1 1 0 1 16:08 0:09 --:-- 0
5 T. Poolman 0 0 0 0 -1 2 20 2 2 0 0 1 16:51 --:-- --:-- 0
23 O. Ekman-Larsson 0 0 0 0 -2 3 0 3 1 2 0 0 21:27 1:07 3:52 0
43 Q. Hughes 0 0 0 0 0 4 0 4 0 1 1 0 23:14 4:09 1:40 0
44 K. Burroughs 0 0 0 0 -2 0 0 0 4 0 0 1 16:43 0:02 1:22 0
57 T. Myers 0 0 0 0 0 2 0 2 2 1 0 0 20:07 --:-- 4:10 0
# Goalies GP REC GA SV SA S EV PP SH SAVE-SHOTS SV% PIM TOI GAA
35 T. Demko -- 20 26 17–21 2–3 1–2 20–26 .769 0 40:00
41 J. Halak -- 8 9 5–5 3–4 0–0 8–9 .889 0 20:00

We had a feel of how the game thread felt about this crappy game, how about those contented millionaires coasting through another game.

It’s a huge loss, so Capt’n Bo takes the podium, even if he wanted slide under it.

In the mobile Green Room of Doom, there’s a new level of no effort hockey coaching.

Do the Nucks have poor conditioning? Because some players looked gassed last game - at sea level - a mile high? Fugetaboutit.

We can blame Travis for lots of stuff. Enough to fire him and his assistants? Could be.

But what about the players? Can we fire them? Nope. That’s JB’s job.

These allegedly professional, wildly over-paid players who, as professionals, need to look in the mirror and decide to play at their best. Every game.

Or they can maintain this level of careless complacency and start the tank before Xmas. The easy-to-play-against, no-response Canucks.

Despite having the best roster in years, this roster doesn’t seem to want to, or is unable to play up to its talent level.

For better or worse, the Nucks face a tougher test on the Strip on Saturday. What a great weekend we have in store for us. Those of us that own home delivery liquor stores catering to the thirst of dismayed Nucking fans. For the rest of us... Drink up! Only 69 68 more ways this season can go wrong.