No seriously, play this instrumental and use it for fuel as you make your way through the following presentation.
Now I’ll start off with an apology. I wasn’t able to get a blog up and running the morning after the Canucks victory over the Avs. A damn shame. The reasoning? Well Johnny, I was suffering from the nonexistent illness of writers block with a sprinkle of procrastination. It was a dilemma faced with very little push back. There I was sitting a top of Rogers Arena with the good stuff in my right hand receiving the inspiration needed to type yet little was done. I guess I’m just an idiot.
To my readers, feel free to leave and never come back.
To those who choose to stay because of loyalty and the known reality that the following read is the greatest Canucks blog since 2019, you are welcome.
I’ve got the Banana, the bag of hope and some Starbucks. Let’s start my comeback with a fucking bang.
Pick One: Concerned or Panicked ?
How is it possible to be one but not the other?
Look, this market is feeling the uncertainty bug crawl throughout it’s streets. Real talk, nobody knows what is going to happen. Nobody.
The Vancouver Canucks have slid into the second wild-card spot in the Western Conference and have picked up 5 wins in their last 16 games. Let me repeat that for you Todd. Your Canucks have picked up 5 wins in their last 16 games. That is bad.
In other words, the Minnesota Wild are a better hockey team at the moment. Yes, the same team that fired their coach just over a month ago. Go ahead Vancouver, be human and be one with the environment even though it may cause unnecessary stress.
“Oh but @kylebhawan, they have games in ha...”.
Todd, just shut up.
Be concerned and slam the panic button. It’s only right.
You may also want to go to church, pick up the garbage that’s been left on the street by some dumbass and let that lady take the last bundle of toilet paper at the local Costco. Yes, sacrifice your families future in order to show karma that it is time to cheer for the infamous Vancouver Canucks.
Will the #Canucks make the playoffs? Yes.— Tej Dhaliwal (@DrDangles87) March 9, 2020
Do we panic? No.
Should we be concerned? Yes.
Do we throw in the towel? No.
Do we wash the towel? Yes. Hands too. An ounce of prevention's worth a pound of a cure!
Do we buy more toilet paper? No. Stupidity is priceless. #coronavirus
Yes, This Is A Mood
This would be me if I didn’t carry around that bag of Hope.
To this man below, we at nucksmisconduct.com hope you don’t live in a household occupied by new-born puppies.
Say It Louder Toffoli
The champion says it best. The boys from our city have to be great.
"We need to be playing great hockey, not just good hockey because It's that time of the year" -Tyler Toffoli— Darryl Keeping (@dkeeping) March 9, 2020
A proven winner who gets it. Tonight felt like a team that was content playing a well structured game - unwilling to take a risk to start driving play.#Canucks
What’s so great about Bananas?
Fuck it, the sun is shining and I want to take a break from this misery.
Seriously, writing about a team that has lost 11 of it’s last 16 puts a slight damper on my spirit. It somehow finds a way to get in the way those great things that this world has to offer.
Such as those sticks of potassium.
Here are a few Banana facts courtesy of Healthline.com:
Eating more fiber from vegetables and fruits like bananas has repeatedly been linked to lower body weight and weight loss. Furthermore, unripe bananas are packed with resistant starch, so they tend to be very filling and may reduce your appetite.
Thanks for being awesome you damn bananas.
Bananas are often referred to as the perfect food for athletes largely due to their mineral content and easily digested carbs. Eating bananas may help reduce exercise-related muscle cramps and soreness, which affect up to 95% of the general population.
Why take a shot of that poison called pre-workout when you can just slam back a fucking banana on your way to PR’s?
Bananas are incredibly easy to eat and transport. They are usually well-tolerated and easily digested — they simply have to be peeled and eaten.
I’m that dude with a banana in his hoodie pocket. It’s just one the many features this talented Hindu has.
As a kid I hated bananas. I ignored them. A hard feat for an uninterested Hindu.— Kyle (@kylebhawan) March 9, 2020
Who knows what level of man I would be if I ate up all that potassium in my early days. Shit just makes my mind wander.
Back To The Program
Jason Brough was an hour late to work this morning.
One of the host of the best radio show in the city blamed his tardiness on a lack of motivation. Motivation that suffered a slash after an underwhelming performance last night against Columbus.
Sports I tell ya. They get in the way of actuality and that will never change.
Dow or Canucks playoff hopes pic.twitter.com/mtC9IPlWht— Jason Brough (@JasonBroughTSN) March 9, 2020
An Absolute Disgrace
Travis, look at how your team represented our beautiful city last night. In the climate of 2020, accountability must take place.
Go out there and lead this team to a 9-3-2 record down the most important stretch since 2011 and change the narrative. Paint a brighter picture. Allow your people to feel hopeful with a splash of genuine optimism.
And for crying out loud, show some respect to the ladies. Do I need to tell you what year it is again?
Canucks playing a boring game tonight of all nights is anti-feminist— Georgia Twiss (@georgiatwiss) March 9, 2020
The Goal Nobody Will Care About
Let’s keep it honest. That was a top three Elias Pettersson moment last night.
Let’s keep it even more honest. Nobody will remember it. That’s what happens when your team loses meaningful games. The content in between the start and finish are worthless to an extent.
But why don’t we just breath in more of this sunshine and indulge in some happiness.
EP40 was on one during a five minute stretch in the third period. After receiving a penalty for a somewhat-unorthodox hit to the head, Elias carried on as if he had not one but three banana’s in the sin-bin.
Once the minor ended, the sophomore left the box, entered the defensive zone briefly and took off after an errant pass lead to a race for the puck that only one man had a chance of winning. Once the face of the franchise retrieved the puck and went one on one with Merzlikens, the city got to witness some meaningless magic.
It was the most meaningless magic trick I’ve ever witnessed.
So what about Brock Lesnar?
He is the city’s last hope to save this potential collapse.
You damn right I said collapse. Take a look at where this team was a month ago. We are heading towards the once impossible to take place.
Oh how can the future always looks so bright yet is often full of agony.
Listen to the latest episode of Sippin’ On A 40 to hear my thoughts on what Brock has to do to save this team.
30 Hours Ago
When word broke that Brock Boeser participated in the morning skate with little issue, a mix of feelings within the community were brought into fruition.
Personally, I chose to skip over the fact that once again the organization that we somehow love failed to dish out a correct diagnosis of an injury. I frolicked right over it only because I am not one to be fooled. You really never can trust the words that come down from the top.
It is what it is and normally it isn’t right.
Where in my life would I find room to eat negativity out of news that is absolutely beautiful. Brock Boeser may be back soon. Very soon.
This is the break this city needed. This wasn’t suppose to happen. Not to us. But life is full of randomness and it has taken place and when #6 slots back into the lineup, It’ll give Vancouver arguably a top 5 unit compared to what the rest of the league has in their top 6 forward group.
That is just a fact.
Better days will be arriving.
Better Days Will Be Arriving But....
There's only 14 games left.