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Vancouver Canucks Twilight Zone: Local podcaster donates his meniscus to Jacob Markstrom

The bravest of all local podcasters comes through for the city

Chicago Blackhawks v Vancouver Canucks
FEBRUARY 12: Jacob Markstrom #25 of the Vancouver Canucks skates off the ice after winning their NHL game against the Chicago Blackhawks at Rogers Arena February 12, 2020 in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Vancouver won 3-0.
Photo by Jeff Vinnick/NHLI via Getty Images

We all miss hockey at the moment. We’re all anxious not knowing when this will all be ending.

But what if the Canucks were still playing hockey games? What if the word “coronavirus” was just some bad joke your buddy came up with after a few too many cervezas in Mexico?

That’s where I come in. I’m going to be taking you through an alternate reality, a simpler timeline where our biggest concern was whether Brock Boeser was going to play in the top six.

*Disclaimer: On behalf of Nucks Misconduct, I want to officially have it on the record that we are an Anti-COVID-19 blog. This is an official declaration from myself, Nick Bondi, the head of the Nucks Misconduct Pandemic Response Panel.*

It was supposed to be Jacob Markstrom’s triumphant return on Monday against the Golden Knights.

And it was, for a brief moment. He ended up getting the win in a shootout, but the next day he was seen on crutches. Soon after the worst news was confirmed; Jacob Markstrom reinjured his meniscus, the same one he tore earlier in the season.

But don’t fret Canucks fans — I, Nicholas Bondi, have a plan. I will donate my meniscus to Jacob Markstrom as soon as possible so he can get back on the ice and lead the Canucks to the playoffs.

For the past day, I have conducted vast research on the meniscus. And I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not that important for your long term health. It’s essentially the appendix of the lower body — no one really knows what it does, but you better get it fixed when it gets up.

I can survive being in a wheelchair for a bit. In fact, it looks like a lot of fun. Once the meniscus grows back (as I’ve read about on Reddit) I’ll be fine.

I just ask for one thing in return.

I want my name on the Stanley Cup if the Canucks win it because of me.

I don’t even want to be featured prominently in the parade, although I do want to be able to pound back beers on the double-decker bus heading down Granville. All I want in return is the name on the Stanley Cup.

Nicholas Bondi (donated meniscus)

That’s what I want to see on Lord Stanley’s mug. I can, and I will survive with no left meniscus for however long if it means the city that I love finally gets the Stanley Cup.

If anyone from the Canucks is reading this, please DM me on Twitter to work out when to do (to my knowledge) the first-ever meniscus transplant. Now if we can only get Loui Eriksson to take a bit of a pay cut, we’d be cooking with oil.

Editor’s note: Want to find out what it was like being with the Canucks the day the NHL season was suspended? Listen to the latest episode of Power Of The Towel. Host Nick Bondi talks to the voice of the Vancouver Canucks, Brendan Batchelor about his career and much, much more.