The coffee served at my workplace tastes as if it’s always 14 hours old. Nonetheless, it does that specific thing coffee is suppose to do and that’s get me through completing this presentation about your Vancouver Canucks.
A team that now has you pulling out that panic button because holy shit Jim Benning went all in for this version of a “bubble team”.
Ahh, what a time to be alive.
Absolute Honesty Only
Originally, March was suppose to be the most fabulous month of my existence.
Three days prior to the birth of the new page on the calendar, I made the commitment to go team #nomeat for 31 whole days. I sought out a life of new feelings and vibrant skin. But then the unfortunate occurred.
As I made my way towards the catering section at the Whole Foods near the Posted Up Studios, I began bubbling up inside with lackluster anxiety when witnessing my options. All I saw was a tub of keeemwoah, tomatoes holding hands with fugazzi cheese and spinach caser salads.
I realized that this life was not for me. Well just not yet. To jump into the deep end at this point in my expectancy was cowardly. It was naive. It was a blatant signs of idiocy to think I could have it all when in reality I was so far away from the surface.
Or maybe I have chosen to Live Like Benning and have desires that the unavailable is indeed available.
Regardless, it’s unfortunate to announce that I relapsed around 10:30 last night to a bowl of Black Bean Chicken Stir-Fry. Luckily today’s a new day and fuck, I just ate a sandwich with some deli meat.
It’s never easy. It never is.
Went vegan for 16 hours shit was crazy I just kept seeing tomatoes everywhere— Kyle (@kylebhawan) March 2, 2020
Absolute Honesty Part 2
Brandon Sutter has the passing ability of a reckless Hollywood high-school student who doesn’t want to make his parents proud.
Oh how I live for the day that I become foundational.
Like, how this doesn't end up with Sutter shooting it is bananas. He looks back for the pass instead?? pic.twitter.com/sau0vqIiV0— Wyatt Arndt (@TheStanchion) March 2, 2020
Where is the Seamstress at?
Only in this miraculous city of ours do you find citizens taking the energy from their soul to campaign that an Assistant Captain is no longer that of an Assistant Captain.
Since arriving to the Canucks for whatever reason way back when, Brandon Sutter has been a centralizing figure because no one, yes no one can really pinpoint what exactly he excels at. This due in large part to him getting paid handsomely before even dressing for the club & never being able to stay healthy. It’s unfortunate, but in reality, it is what it is. Staying healthy is apart of being a useful NHL player. You could even say it pays plentiful when wanting to be part of the foundation.
The man with a famous NHL last name hasn’t had much luck since calling our city his and in typical “We’ve never had a cup” fashion, the fans here really don’t give a fuck.
Sports I tell ya.
Remove Brandon Sutter’s “A”— 2 Petey's in a Podkolzin (@peteypodz) March 2, 2020
Give it to JT Miller #Canucks
This Is Seriously Something
Oh Bondi, can you just get over it + you need to apologize for the ambush you unleashed verbally towards #20.
Take the A away from Sutter and give it to Miller— Nick Bondi (@nickbondi) March 2, 2020
Seriously, Only In Vancouver
Maybe I should lend my bag of Hope to my inner circle.
So What Else Happened Sunday night?
On top of J-Pat getting the axe from Travis Green (more on this later), the Canucks showed the hockey world what falling to pieces looks like in 2020.
If I were to impersonate an unfocused parrot who adores ESPN, I would say, “ That was bad, that was very very bad.”
No team who has eyes following their every move can afford to collapse in the fashion your team did last night. Up two goals in a sort-of-must-win game with eight minutes left in the final frame had the people fast forward their lives to happier days and extra points in the pocket. Blowing that same lead in regulation allowed those same sisters and brothers to question their existence.
The organization woke up on the couch left to with only cushions purchased on Craigslist. The coach is in some cafe, discretely scrolling through #Canucks Twitter with one of his burner accounts. The fan base is left hanging with only a bag of sour-hope for the next couple of days.
Well, parts of the fan base.
Oh the Couve is a wonderful place.
I Said Only Parts Of The Fan Base
Those against current management have been saving the C4 for this.
Markstrom being injured has exposed that Jim Benning built a very mediocre team, and decided to push all-in with it. And the funniest part is that he'll use that Markstrom injury to save his job.— Michael Stuart (@hockeybuzzstu) March 2, 2020
Wait, A Burner Account?
I didn’t say it.
Green jokes that he has a burner account on #Canucks twitter on his interview w/ 31 thoughts.— Alexis - Canucks afficiando (@CanucksMemezar) March 2, 2020
Tag the account you think it is below ⬇️
J-Pat Is Left On Read
It would be no shock to me that a large portion of Vancouver appreciates the job the coaching staff has done. Part of the just said is due in large part to the demeanor the staff has showcased with the media. They’ve been confident, precise and have a decent amount of swag. A gigantic upgrade over the forgettable Willie D Era.
If the following is true, it’ll be first time that Green has shown any sort of weakness since he’s had the job. There are those who say it was only a matter of time before a little chink in the armor would be invented. Vancouver is a tough market and deserves to be so, rightfully. Yes, you damn right my people are allowed to have bite.
I just wish it hadn't. Jeff wasn’t doing anything abnormal. He’s been a soldier for the fans forever. This is who he is. Right now would be the right time for the man in charge to be what he’s been for years. Firm with a dash of stoicism.
Not bothered by on ice related questions.
Maybe Demko can do his coach a good deed and lend him that book I assume he cradles.
Jpat said it has been confirmed to him that Green isn't talking to him. Holy shit.— Taj (@taj1944) March 2, 2020
He Looked* Like An NHL Goalie
A favorite in the local March Madness tournament may be upset in an early round.
Louis Domingue looks like an NHL goalie so far.— Chris Faber (@ChrisFaber39) March 2, 2020
The Floor Is Your’s Again
I’ll go to the grave believing that the possibility of a goaltending controversy was a dire possibility if “LOUUU” locked it down in Ohio. I mean just look at the damn nickname and take a step back and realize what team you cheer for.
It was possible.
But as it happens once again, my assumptions where given the kick in the nuts.
Thatcher’s leash embodies the same exact length he had prior to the collapse and the floor is once again, entirely his.
Got get them you stoic. The city demands it.
An important few days for Thatcher Demko to reset and work with Ian Clark. The psychology of becoming 'the Guy' is a difficult transition. The psychology of being thrust into that role when every save is amplified is a different animal altogether. #Canucks— JABO Vancouver (@jabo_vancouver) March 2, 2020
Don’t Scoreboard Watch. Just Call A Friend.
The network has decided to not look at any scoreboards until the Canucks face-off against their only rival in the NHL, the Arizona Coyotes. You don’t have control over much but your own in this beauty called life so why waste thoughts refreshing The Score App you degenerate.
If you do need help, contact a friend via your phone book and vent. Get it out and move on.
Listen to @kylebhawan and @nickbondi release their feelings to their good pal Beggsy on the latest episode of Sippin’ On a 40.
You Quinn Some, You Lose Some.
Quinn isn’t cocky. He’s just honest.
Throughout the year we’ve seen the former Wolverine blossom into a spectacle ever so humbly. Humbly, is that even a word? Who knows, but Hughes is one humble son of a gun. Let him have this moment.
The dude is unbelievable only because he believes in his abilities.
It’s time for you to do the same.
That Dude Without The Pants
After Columbus's fourth goal of the third period, I found myself wandering for answers in the Men’s change room at the local gym. Four minutes into my journey, there I was having this conversation with a naked man about the Jacob Markstrom effect.
It wasn’t strange at all. I was vulnerable. He was vulnerable. It was as organic as the banana’s on my desk.
To that man, thank you for hearing me out. They say the world is a dangerous place, I say it’s a setting where anyone, yes anyone can be there for you.