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Vancouver Canucks enter the Twilight Zone: March 12th to 18th

Strange and unpredictable things can happen in the Twilight Zone...

Arizona Coyotes v Vancouver Canucks
Even Elias Pettersson is curious how the Canucks would have done last week, but will he like this alternate reality?
Getty Images

We all miss hockey at the moment. We’re all getting a bit of cabin fever from being inside all day.

But what if the Canucks were still playing hockey games? What if the word “coronavirus” was just some bad joke your buddy came up with after a few too many cerveza’s in Mexico?

That’s where I come in. I’m going to be taking you through an alternate reality, a simpler universe where our biggest concern was whether Brock Boeser was going to play in the top six.

*Disclaimer: On behalf of Nucks Misconduct, I want to officially have it on the record that we are an Anti COVID-19 blog.

With that out of the way, let’s enter the Vancouver Canucks version of The Twilight Zone.

Well, folks, it’s been an interesting week for the Vancouver Canucks.

Before the game against Phoenix (sorry, they’ll always be the Phoenix Coyotes to me), the Canucks were outside the playoff picture looking in. After their most recent game against the Tampa Bay Lightning, the Canucks are still outside the playoff picture. It’s been indicative of their recent stretch — losing the games you’re supposed to win, but yet getting results elsewhere to keep themselves afloat.

“We just need to bear down and focus on our game,” said Captain Bo Horvat after a 3-2 overtime loss to the Lightning. “But there seems to be a lot of bounces just not going our way recently. I mean, when the puck goes off Sutter’s hand, then Tanev’s groin, then up and over Demko’s head and into the back of the net as the game-winner, that’s tough.”

Let’s start with that game against Phoenix. A 1-1 tie after the first period wasn’t too bad — the Canucks were getting outshot, but not by that much.

After that though, the wheels fell off. They were outshot 28-10 the rest of the way and lost 6-1. Demko got the classic mercy pull, and overall it was just a disgusting performance.

And how did new call up Brogan Rafferty do? Well not too well. He had a -9 shot differential at even strength (sorry not a #fancystat guy). Turns out a 24-year-old AHL defenceman isn’t going to be the solution to your defensive problems.

I felt physically sick after watching that game. And with Louis Domingue starting the next game, I was fully expecting another L in Denver.

Instead, the Canucks somehow manage to put it all together and beat the Avalanche 4-2 in regulation, which is important. Goals by Pettersson, Sutter, Virtanen, and Quinn Motherfucking Hughes got the job done.

The victory was the cherry on top of the main battle between Hughes and Makar. The official tally;

Hughes: 1 goal, 1 assist, 25:24 minutes of ice time

Maker: Zero (0) points, 20:18 of ice time

Here’s some video footage that I collected that illustrates how much Hughes dominated Makar

The Canucks followed up that up with a boring 2-1 loss to the Jets. But the big story was we as a collective on Canucks Twitter were robbed of the Shotgun Jake party, as his second-period goal was taken back for an offside review so bad Twitter was incensed.

The loss against Tampa in overtime was more of the same — the Canucks getting badly outshot, yet somehow keeping it close. At least they got a point out of this one, and Elias Pettersson said they played “like dogshit.”

The big non-gameplay story this week was a mysterious new virus that’s circulating through the Canucks dressing room. So far Loui Eriksson and Jay Beagle have missed time with the new illness, perhaps linking it to how much you are overpaid relative to your cohorts.

Editor’s note: Were these Canucks results not positive enough for you? Perhaps you need to listen to the latest episode of Nucks Misconduct’s “Power of the Towel” podcast, where Nick Bondi interviews the host of “The Larschcast” most positive man on Canucks Twitter, Tej Dhaliwal.