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RECAP: NUCKS WIN! Zapped by Lightening And Stuff!

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You want to bust a winning streak? This is how you bust a streak.

NHL: Vancouver Canucks at Tampa Bay Lightning
Embarrassment in Florida? Can’t happen.
Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Here’s the thing. We all knew the Super 7 Game Win Streak would end sooner or later. Preferably later.

However, we all expected the streak would end in a tight, well-played game where puck luck played the pivotal role.

And it did. Repeatedly. Often. And without warning.

The good news is the Nucks won some most all of the game. At least the most important 13 of the game. Winning the first 20 minutes of a game is better than [redacted] the last 30.

There’s even more good news. To break a win streak this big took a [redacted] this big - that’s a big deal.

There’s more good news!

As Westy recited to me via Morse-coded-rum-bottles from the Tomb of Tropical Hockey, which is like a hockey bible famous throughout Central America, this game did not happen. It’s a geographic/climatic impossibility. Where there’s gators, there’s no ice. Where there’s no ice, the drinks are served warm. At best this game occurred under the influence of pink flamingos in a virtual construct infested with cheap tickets and geriatric drivers.

For the sake of unfair and unbalanced hockey bloggery, let’s pretend this historic [redacted] was so surreal that it could only have happened in a surreal place. Like Florida. It’s the state many go to have a surreal vacation. As they say, what happens in Florida never happened. Outside of media-fed hallucinations.

1st Period

As is the way of our 7 Game Win Streak winners, the Nucks keep TB at bay.

Nucks PK keeps the weirdo Lightening PP off the board. The Lightening PK keep the 4th best power-play off the board.

It’s a tie game and the Nucks plan to keep it that way all the way to OT if need be.

Not needed, because Brock steals the puck from Stamkos and Pete dekes Vasi to score a sweet Pete goal.

The Nucks have scored 1st in the 1st! It’s inconceivable proof that we’re winning! Pete has put the game out of reach!

The streak continues. Nucks outshoot Tampa 7 to 8.

It’s a 1-0 WIN! Over the other Floridian team. Say it out loud. Floor-Ridd-Dee-An. If that isn’t code for hallucinogen, there are no pink elephants in the room with me now. [Get down from there!]

2nd Period

It’s the safest lead in hockey. We know that. The Nucks know that. The Rags too.

However, in the hallucinogenic gator-water drinking backwaters of Florida, safety is something that happens out-of-state.

According to local myths, possibly sparked by pink hallucinogenics, the local swamp hockey team scored 2 quick goals to take the lead.

No mythic lead is safe from our fairly true and pretty free wheeling hockey team. Bo puts a shot on goal that our lucky Loui deflects, that deflects off a gator-wrangling local defenceman and the game is tied.

Tied and won. Because we know a secret. And we can’t share that secret for less than $6M a season.

Just over a minute later, the full force of the hallucinogens kick in. Or as they often say in southern game threads, the white Lightening kicks in.

From garbled and obviously doctored media coverage, Tampa performs mass-hypnosis and many are led to believe that Marky was scored on 4 times in a 4 minute span. And lead 6-2 after 2.

That’s not even plausible. During this streak Marky has been an unfathomable puck sink. Stopped 51 shots against LA. Shutout Carolina. Which is much farther north than Florida.

The NHL media cabal (and their Tampa minion team) is just taking cheapshots at our elite goalie. Marky was selected to be in the All-Star game. Not to be subjected to slanderous accusations of allowing 6 goals in a period. Unless it’s the All-Star game.

But Louie scored. Isn’t that supposed to mean something? - klo

Exactly. Every time Loui scores the Nucks win. It’s a statistical fact.

If you have the time, persistence and idiotic optimism you can scour the dingy NM Archives of Statistical Facts - the archives are conveniently located in a concrete bunker in an almost decommissioned fission power station.

Since it’s been over 10 minutes of Floridian fantasy hockey, we let the delusion play on.

3rd Period

Because Marky has played so well and stolen the net through this Sovereign Seven Stretch, generous Coach Green lets Demko have a period of Floridian fantasy hockey.

And Demko performs really well under the influence of Flordian gator-aid. Again, you may see media reports of how he allowed 3 goals on 14 shots. Yeah... sure he did.

That a stats impossibility. Our Dynamic Duo combined for an almost unreal 1.527 SV%. The, allegedly, league-best gator-goalie, Vasilevskiy only put up a .913 SV% (that’s being too generous).

Our combined goalies won the Floridian Fantasy game for us. And not for the first time.

That Pete scored another 2 goals to complete the hattie and game winner will not be reported anywhere. That’s how desperate the eastern media are to control the narrative. Not as desperate as Westy and me, but still...

Here’s Pete’s 2nd and 3rd goals. Eerily similar to his 1st. Whatever works. For this recap.

Because of the atrocious coverage by the poorly-paid-actors pretending to be commentators on a formerly respectable sports channel we will skip the Floridian video highlight portion of the recap. And just stay at home with the comforting tones of the 2 Johns.

STATS?

This official FHL scorecard is the only stat you need to see. (didn’t have time to make up validate other official stat boards).

OFFICIAL RECORD OF THE FHL

The Floridian Fantasy League may have also claimed a 9-2 victory for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, but it’s bad enough I mix metaphors and drinks poorly - let’s just skip over bugs bunny’s energetic super bulbous commercials.

I know, you might be thinking, “jimmi, you’re nutz!” And not for the first time. Really? Who would be crazy enough to make their own sanity dependent on the Nucks? That would be nutty-nut-nutz.

Since it’s an alleged [redacted], Bo has to play along with the Floridian game of media scrum chances.

As if to prove that it was a Floridan Drugged Gator bowl, the Green Room makes a road appearance. That never happens. Maybe after a stunning [redacted], but we won! (A period)

Expect some media buffoonery in the next day or so. Be prepared. A [redacted] is a [redacted]. A win is a win. It’s not how you [redact] or how you win. It’s just that you win!

A wildcard spot. And Jumpin’ Gee Willikers! We’re going to get a wild card playoff spot, dammit! Even if I have to photoshop it myself. But, we’re not there yet.

If the Nucks win 7 of 8 games the rest of the way, no one will complain. Other than half of 1 in 8 NM game threads. Let us not celebrate our 8th win a row just now. Let’s pace ourselves - restore, refresh, rebuild the liquor cabinet by Thursday.

There’s an even weirder part of Florida our road Nucks must visit. South Beach. Hockey hotbed for the video game inclined. Enjoy the rest of your reality. If you have to adjust it... well... it is your reality to [redact].