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2019 Stanley Cup Finals Preview- Boston Bruins vs St Louis Blues

The night is dark, and full of a**holes...

2019 NHL Stanley Cup Final - Media Day
Cursed image.
Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

Well, here’s the Stanley Cup Finals, I guess. I don’t blame if you if you don’t watch, because this is pretty much going to be a series highlighting a lot of what we hate about the game: A moronic, knuckle dragger approach to the game, more bad officiating that’s most certainly going to tilt the scales, the fan club section of the MSM telling us things we can see are not true, and the Boston Bruins.

But if you’re like us, and really just hate that you watch hockey, hate yourself for being a fan and not having the common sense to walk away, and enjoy seeing the worst possible outcomes you can imagine come to fruition, then this is your series, baby! We polled our writers to see how they think it will come out (since the last set of predictions were pretty bad, you should just ignore those).

Kent Basky: There truly is no acceptable outcome here unless you are a fan of one of the two teams, and especially not for Canucks fans. If the Bruins win, it’s another year of having Massholes shove that in everyone’s faces, and for the love of god, with all of the various titles your teams have won over the last 20 years, how is it even possible you people haven’t learned to act like you’ve been there before? The most disgusting thing that happens if the Bruins win? That’s easy. Think about Joe Haggerty getting ANOTHER Stanley Cup ring. I will give you time to stop smashing things and/or projectile vomiting.

On the other hand we have the St Louis Blues, who have obviously made some sort of Faustian bargain to go from 31st place to the Stanley Cup Finals. They’re pretty much the Western Bruins, apart from having a Brad Marchand, though David Perron veers near that territory at times. The reason I don’t want to see them win is this would see them leave a very special group that they belong to: the 50+ years without a Cup group. Currently it’s comprised of the Canucks, the Leafs, the Sabres and St Louis. And believe me, it’s gonna sting like hell to have another expansion team get theirs before we get ours. Maybe not as much as San Jose, but it’s gonna suck big time. I truly don’t care who wins, because being a Vancouver hockey fan means never being happy. So enjoy the broadcasting teams on both networks with embedded former Bruins spewing propaganda. Enjoy Gary Bettman telling you that the game’s never been better. Enjoy Jim Benning overreacting to who ever wins and bringing in Milan Lucic and Tyler Myers this summer. I hate hockey. BRUINS IN 6.

Tengeresz: The sun is shining, the birds are singing, Wreck Beach vendors are doing a brisk business, Singles night on the Grouse Grind is in full swing, sailboats are reaching around the bay (or drifting towards Swiftsure Bank before the long motor home) and although the snowpack kinda sucked this year, there’s still enough water for the fountains to merrily gurgle beside your favourite patio that as you flip-flop up to try the latest summer ale from a dozen craft breweries as the actual Orcas swim through the pristine waters of the inner harbour. Then some guy asks you to talk about hockey — way to harsh my mellow man!

OK then : HOCKEY. Our friend Alain Vigneault lost the World Championships, but at least Troy “From Richmond” Stetcher got a well deserved medal. That should get him a better nickname, and maybe raise his trade value; except wait, there’s no one behind him in the depth chart so that’s useless too. That’s it then, done with hockey and on to the festival season.

What? There’s another series? Crap. Do I have to watch? (Grumbles into my Scurvy Dog Spruce Ale) I guess I’ll probably get sucked into a game or two. What’s the worst that can happen? The most hated player in the league mispelling another tattoo? Another expansion team cracking the cup drought before our beloved Canucks? Tory Krug scoring the series winning goal in a slick give-and-go then flying through the air like superman? Grrr. Too much heartbreak for choice. How about GMJB deciding the Blues model is better than the Boston model.... BLUES in 5.

jimmi: Kent has presented a sharp, well-rounded upbeat argument for enjoying enduring the WWE SCF. And Ten made a good pitch to ship out soon. However rosy the shit-stained lens my esteemed associates used to stare in the the abyss, there’s also a downside.

Whichever team wins this RepliCup series makes us all lose something precious. Could just be dinner. But also could be our unshakeable trust in the NHLOA. Ok... can’t lose what you never had. The biggest losers in this eastern slash ‘n gash festival of the stick arts, are the western playoff TV ratings. For us NuckLuckians that’s a good thing.

See. We’re feeling better already. Two eastern teams playing for a fake trophy is not our concern. Boos or Bluso? Who fn’ cares-o? Not me. that noble spirit of ambivalent disgust... Some Eastern Team in 7

Trevor Connors: Rock and a hard place. Lesser of two evils. From the pan to the fire. Use whatever simile you like and chances are it applies to Canucks fans with regards to this year’s Stanley Cup Final. Either you see the Bruins lift the Cup (puke) or you see the Blues pull themselves out from misery... leaving the Canucks to wallow down there with the likes of the Buffalo Sabres, Arizona Coyotes, San Jose Sharks et al. So... what’s a true blue and green blooded Canucks fan to do?

Here’s the thing... I can’t cheer for the Bruins, but I really, REALLY think they will win. As I mentioned on this week’s Nucks Misconduct Podcast, these two teams are so closely matched that it’s tough to make a prediction. Just about every season it comes down to one thing: goaltending. So... forget the Bruins, forget the Blues. This is Rask vs Binnington. So... who you got? Ugh... Rask in... er Bruins in 6.