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NUCKS WIN!!! (Some Goals!) Lose Game to Sharks 5-3

NHL: San Jose Sharks at Vancouver Canucks
All The Goals Belong To Us Powaplayas
Anne-Marie Sorvin-USA TODAY Sports


Over 3 and a half hours of Nucks hockey time spent in the ice desert of futility. That doesn’t sound so bad. Many have spent days in the desert and recover, possibly fully, from the hallucinations, brain swelling and cellular dehydration.

What were we complaining about? Oh...right...Canucks Goals. Those are scarcer than water vapour on the Sahara at noon.

No matter. As I so skilfully luckily predicted last game, the Nucks only mutilated their dismal no-goals-in-consecutive-games record of 2015. Missed full annihilation by a full period. And some say it has been a tough season. has. The winless streak is nearing an arid phase of its own. And counting. How many games have the Nucks won since the Faeries slammed Brock into the infirmary?

Must have least...

Nope. Not that I recall - would have been pretty awesome to win two games in SoCal.

Try again.

Very funny. Fingered that out yourself?

Keep guessing. Or as they say in therapy... grieving.

Correct! Zero games.

Oh...that’s not very many. Oh well...this game makes up for it. Sort of. So let’s find out how the almost made up happened.

1st Period

The first ten minutes of the first kept us riveted to our dehydrators. Why anyone would want to dehydrate beer on St. Paddy’s is a menacing metaphor to our fragile fan fervour at the faeries grim portion of the season.

And then at 10:48...It’s...a...


A Golden Miracle wrapped in a Nucks Power Play!

The 2nd unit, led by Jake’s speed to gain the zone, goes to work and Goldy pots the puck!

Two scoring droughts end with one shot. On the Nucks 118th shot since the ice sands of goalessness covered the net in Scottsdale. Goldy hasn’t had a goal since...never mind, it’s been awhile.

Even better...the Nucks are leading in the 1st. Haven’t seen that since...never mind.

For four sweet minutes this game was ours.

Then Jake gave a high-stick to our former Beaker. The Sharks get their own power play. Refs, early on, were giving them away to just about everyone, including the Canucks.

Of course, stop me if you’ve seen this before, the Sharks score on PP.

Game is tied 1-1. That’s not so bad. Sure, it sucks, but could be worse.

And then it was. Just a harmless minute later on a harmless play - a pass from Hertl to Couture. And Couture fights off Jake and puts the puck over Marky’s softie spot.

Fine. Down 2-1 in the first. The Canucks don’t care. The gamethread don’t care.

Because....’s a tacky, over-the-top graphic...but you try watching over 3 hours of Nucks game time without seeing a goal. Oh...wait. You did.

Anyhow, even though we’re behind, we’re not losing. Yet.

The shot count was low for both teams - but Vancouver won it 9-8. And that counts almost as much as a goal. That’s what I said last game. Wasn’t true then and less so now.

Moving on...

2nd Period

Let’s just pretend the period didn’t start like ass. But less than 2 minutes in a shot from the point deflects off Meier’s ass and it’s 3-1 before we had enough Guinness to absorb the assterburn.

No matter. Because Meier takes a holding call on Bulldog. You can’t hold a bulldog when the crack NHL refs are giving away free seats in the sinbin.

Right off the ensuing faceoff, puck comes to Gags who sends it to our Bo in a crease-shop and Bolls it past Dell.

Game is tied!!! On a single BO goal! It’s two-for-one night at the ROG!

Just in case the NHL overturns the BOGO deal...the Nucks decide to get some special insurance.

A special Ed goal on another power play! With some in-the-closet Sedinery, the pass gets out to the point, the point gets to Eddie and so does the goal. Wicked shot.

No kidding around, the game is tied 3-3. In case that print is too small...The Nucks now have


It’s Scottish Xmas in March on St. Paddy’s Day! Everyone drink!

Again the Nucks have more shots than the Sharks, 12-11. And the Nucks have more players too! The Injury Faeries were probably drunk and got mixed up, but they plucked two Sharks from the ice. We know how that feels. But, we’re a little tied up with other stuff to be truly sympathetic.

Where there’s a tie in the second, there’s hope. Hope in the third, waiting to be squashed.

3rd Period

Canucks have played a good game - pretty much. Marky has made some key saves. Pretty much. The Nucks are keeping the pressure on. Pretty much.

And then...stop me if you’ve read this far too many times before...Nucks on a bad line change...a puck Shark gains the zone. Plays fake pass on the D, fake pass for the goalie and then lets a soft wrister go towards the softie area that Marky was a little soft in protecting. That softly open area twixt arm and torso. Anyhow, nothing we can do about it now.

And to complain about the zebra’s zero-whistle policy in the third is to waste letters and words that would be better spent talking nonsense to the clouds. Game managers in spiffy striped tops.

Meanwhile...the big pushback brings on a sixth pusher which results in a...stop me if you’ve read this far too many times before..the Empty Net goal with 25 seconds remaining.

Sharks win 5-3, just as I almost predicted. I just knew the Nucks would get 3 goals - 3 goals, that’s like 3 zillion percent more goals than the last 3 games combined. And yet, they still loose. Which brings the current game win drought to 6 games.

Oh well...that’s not so bad. We’ve watched the Nucks win 25 games this season. That ought to be enough for any Nuckleheaded fan. If only the reg season was 42 games.

The regular NHL season is too long. The NHL Injury Faeries are far too good. Far too many chances for the Faeries to make a long gruelling season a longer grind than our shot-blocking, bench-door-colliding roster can endure.

Not that the league cares about our needs. We’re here to support the NHL and their poor billionaire franchisees. So we get 25-35 good games mushed into 82 game money-broth.

Enough about our needs, we need to watch this video savour ALL the Goals! All the Nucks Goals!

The final shot count was 31-30 for the Nucks. The power play was at 75% going 3 for 4. Not sure that I’m not making that up.

We’re not going to rag on Marky, that’s Marky’s job.

He wasn’t bad...just didn’t make that key save when it really counted. Both times.

And Goldy was keen for some payback.

Just not paid in full, yet.

Bo was bullish on the performance, maybe not the outcome.

Over in the Green room...are you kidding me?! It’s the Green room on St Paddys!

Moving on. When you score at home, but you’re not satisfied, what to do? Some say...take a little Vegas, baby!

This could be our big chance to roll the puck ice and come up with more than snake eyes. Or gamble our future lotto odds with a win in sin city on Tuesday.

I’ll wager the Stolen Knights will be in a less than golden mood with their losing streak hitting epic proportions - lost their last two spins at the icy roulette wheel of hockey. They’re still #1 in the Pacific, which is still a weird stat for team that just got here last October.

So...enjoy your slovenly Sunday and have a tremendous Tuesday.