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NUCKS WIN!!! (Draft Table Tussle) Lose Game to Sad Cats 3-1

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Sometimes you have to lose to win. Ok, sometimes it feels way more often than sometimes.

Vancouver Canucks v Florida Panthers
Hutton Returns to Active Back Massage Duty
Photo by Joel Auerbach/Getty Images

Strategy. It’s a big boring word. Good strategy isn’t apparent at the time. Sometimes even after some time...it never seemed that good. But, sometimes...the short term pain, long term gain strategy is the best strategy.

For example, if you look at the Oils’ long term strategy you can see it’s finally working out for them. Ok, don’t look too hard and long at their long term pain, shot term gain example. Forget I mentioned it. Thanks.

No matter. We’re in the midst of our own much more clever strategy. Do I have to explain it?

Fine, I’ll explain it, but it’s going to hurt. Not as much as this game’s example, so you can feel better already. Our ride to the wildcarded side of the playoffs is over. It was over weeks ago, but this shrouded in secrecy, until now, shrewd strategy can be revealed.

BTW, this is secret NM insider info, so far inside it might seem like fake, inside information. It’s not. You can ask our sources at the NSC (Nucks Strategy Command). Uh...no you can’t. Doesn’t matter. If it feels like I’m using an excessive amount of words to explain... well... no pain, no explain.

Here’s the essence of our spring stealth hockey ops. A vital task must be executed with precision and discretion in the coming weeks: ensure losses to teams we are vying with - in the bowels of the standings. Sure, it stinks. It’s a stench that reeked in the GTA - for awhile. Smells like an Auston full of roses now tho.

Let’s be clear. Or cloudy. On the sunny side, this strategy is morally superior to the gutter sucking tank-‘till-ya-bank scheme that is both as disgusting as it has been effective. In the GTA. Not so much in the GEA.

This strategy only seeks to ensure the correct side of victory in those 4 point games. Make no mistake, the Panthers are not a good team - they aren’t going to get a dance card. Tame or wild.

But they could hinder our endeavour to improve the most important area the Canucks need improvement - draft lottery position. Or DLP as it’s written in Westy’s Secrets of the NSC: Exposed book essay pamphlet.

The teams assured of a flicker of fickle fame in the rounds of playing off to win a fake Cup - they are at our mercy now. This strategy is designed to allow us to win, beat or if required, blowout those fancy teams with great forwards, mobile D and stellar goaltending.

But, “jimmi, we just lost to T-Bay, #1 in the league!” Like Green will tell you in the pressers, the strategy is sound, but the execution needs work.

Except tonight. It was perfectly executed. Like that game against Buffalo. It was horrible and painful to watch, but sometimes almost everyone on the team has to take one for the team. Like tonight.

1st Period

Seems like a normal sluggish start for the the Nucks. That’s what your supposed to see. Getting outshot and outhit 2 to 1 through most of the period almost feels natural. In a creepy way.

Is it a coincidence that Special Ed takes a penalty and in the resulting power play our most reliable defenceman scores on a not-surprised Marky? I think not.

The other hockey media are paid to say it was an unfortunate deflection off Tanev’s stick. Yeah..right. Tanev is one of our best point getters from the backend. And most reliable D in front of the net. An accident? Sure.

Watch this gif carefully with your own secret eyes...

That was the deliberate tip from a skilled guy following a game plan. Note how slowly Marky was to react to the ‘friendly-fire’ incident. Like he knew it was part of a bigger plan.

But, sure, let’s just say it was an accident. Like being outshot 17-9 by a team so bad there are more empty seats than fans in the building.

Mission Task 1 Completed: Down 1-0 in the first.

2nd Period

If you want to argue that the game wasn’t going to plan, please make an appointment below.

Meanwhile, huddled in a secret place the NSC were barking commands to the Canucks (and the refs) - take/give penalties and pretend to tie the game.

Was this a bonafide shortie by Granny or was he guided into the slot by remote stick-to-groin control?

It’s a tie! Or so we want to believe. It’s not the tie the NSC needs or wants. So...hey...did you see Hutton is back in the line up? He’s played pretty bad recently and has been a healthy scratch. Why is he back?

Here’s why. He’s a good kid, he wants what’s best for the team - what the NSC wants for the team. Does he stand up Barkov at the line, or does he give him a little stick tap of encouragement? You decide.

Lead restored. The paid-to-praise hockey media fawn over Barkov. All going according to plan.

Or is it?

It is. No question. What? You’re questioning the NSC? They don’t answer to you. They only question you and your fan loyalty - you won’t like it if they have to make an in-home visit. Trust me.

Period ends with Miami up 2-1. Like it was planned. Leading the shot clock 13-7 in front a small number of hungover fans leftover from the big screen party on Sunday. Like they were hungover.

Mission Task 2 Completed: Down 2-1 in the second.

3rd Period

Plan the comeback. As if.

The Sad Cats are without their two best goalies. The guy in net is not a real NHL goalie. If the triple B line really wanted to, they’d light him up like a fireworks display in a bowl of super.

But they don’t. In fact the young guns, including the league’s leading rookie scorer, don’t want to. I mean, they want to, of course. But they also want a better team that drafts higher and wider and faster and stuff. So... Brock limits himself to only 2 shots on goal. In the entire game. He was a -2 on the night.

The Canucks finally get a powerplay in the game. The NSC realised, in cooperation with the refs, that the game might seem somehow...tainted if the Cats got 4 PP chances and the Nucks had none.

On the resulting power play, the NHL’s official GC lists this sequence:

  • 18:59 - MISSED SHOT: Brock Boeser - Over the net.
  • 18:46 - SHOT: Brock Boeser - Tip in saved by Harri Sateri
  • 18:39 - SHOT: Brock Boeser - Wrist Shot saved by Harri Sateri

A goalie named Sateri makes a save on the Boest shot in the league - the All-Star MVP that won the shooting accuracy competition misses the net. Sure. Happens all the time. Ask Vasilveskiy - an actual #1 goalie in the league, who still has nightmares of being handcuffed to a goalpost and frozen in the Flow.

So the faux comeback continued, like the Nucks might actually have 10 minutes of solid hockey to push around in a near empty NHL hockey rink.

I suspect Marky had a change of heart during the game and might have jeopardised the ‘game plan’ so...he was pulled. In favour of a 6th ineffective attacker.

It looks good on TV. Pull out all the stops - pull the stopper. Get the tieing goal!

However, the NSC plan calls for an EN instead. And the plan is followed. It’s Barkov again. To the fake delight of the hungover fans waiting around for the next SuperBowl to start.

Game is out of reach. Ah...too bad. They did even up the shots in the 3rd....13-12 in favour of the Panthers.

We could have won this one. True. But, win the game, lose the lottery is not a happy fate either. The Nucks know the season is over. Sure, they could go on a big fat win streak, give us a sorely needed, but fleeting reason to live. Yet they will still disappoint, just doubly so.

Better to play the most noble strategy in a lose to win cause.

Mission Task Completed: Lost 3-1.

Cats ‘win’ the game 3-1. Outshoot the stealthy Nucks 41-27. The stupid strategy cats. What? They have just recently beaten 3 teams that now are better positioned in the sewers of lotto destiny than they are. Idiots. They should just give us Barkov and Ekblad now - no one in south Florida will notice. In exchange we can gift them 4 wins a season and a tough guy D.

The other hockey media will be shouting ‘poor effort!’ and deriding many players. Not me. Not the NM Insider So Inside It’s Out Division.

Here’s the NHL ‘version’ of the game.

Can you imagine being a Panthers’ fan having to listen to this fake excitement play-by-play while the fan excitement level in the building is one notch above comatose. Oh well. Not our team, not our problem. We have our own problems. And secret strategies to solve them.

A loss on the road means a Sedin takes the heat - the young guns can just giggle to each other in the locker room.

Meanwhile over in the Green room...oh wait. There is no road Green room. A coincidence? You decide.

Don’t speak the truth - don’t even think it

Just kidding. That would be more of a coincidence than the NSC can coin.

Playing half step behind. Not playing quick enough. A coincidence? You decide. The NSC already has.

Speaking of going through adversity...from the twittilated universe a reminder of our sombre fanly duties.

The NSC will also know if you’ve been with them along the way. They’re creepy like that. No...they’re honourable, gifted strategists doing the dark work to bring light to the city of clouds and tears rain.

Marky’s not going to win their secret NSC hearts with this sort of rhetoric.

Unless...it’s all part of the NSC disinformation campaign - then it’s brilliantly nuanced reverse fade motivation.

Doesn’t matter. Only results matter in the secret world of pro hockey (dark) ops.

In a scant 48 hours, the team will be in Tampa to invoke the up side to this upside down secret strategy for draft table glory. How badly would you like the Nucks to spank the Bolts?

I know. Let’s take a poll!

Poll

The Nucks will beat Tampa by

This poll is closed

  • 28%
    1 Goal - just to make it sorta dramatic
    (9 votes)
  • 21%
    2 Goals - to send a message
    (7 votes)
  • 25%
    3 Goals - to send a message decorated in a Boest Bo Baer wrapper
    (8 votes)
  • 25%
    4 Goals or more - to let the media have a free clickbait Friday on the collapse of the #1 team
    (8 votes)
32 votes total Vote Now

See you on Thursday to watch the NSC Strategy of Destiny unfold. Pretty much.

Have a great humpy bumpy day and a tremendous day after.