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The Vancouver Canucks will win the Stanley Cup this year.

The 2017-18 Canucks are a team of destiny.

NHL: All Star Game-Media Day
Vancouver will finally get it’s name on here
Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports

I know I am the first one to type the following phrase: The Vancouver Canucks will win the 2017-18 Stanley Cup. I know this might not be the popular view of the kids on Twitter and the rest of the blogging world, but can you really trust any media outlet anymore? There is so much negativity surrounding this team that it just kind of snowballed over the past 6 years to the point the players started believing they were destined to be Stanley Cup champs. But I have 5 different reasons the Canucks are the team to beat this year and will steamroll over the other NHL teams to win Lord Stanley’s breakfast bowl.

1. Special teams

I will admit that the Canucks special teams have been mediocre to bad over the past few years, but that may have been more of how I look at the numbers than the actual numbers themselves. The PP was at 14.1%, while the PK was at 76.7. Taken individually those numbers are shite, put them together and it’s 90.8%. That number is incredible!! It’s an “A” in any university and higher than most NBA players free throw percentage. The Canucks are an “A” without even having to try.

2. Goaltending

Most NHL pundits would agree the King Henrik Lundqvist has been the best goalie in the NHL over the past 10 years. And we all know that Henrik is from Sweden. And guess what….we don’t just have one goalie from Sweden, we have TWO!!!. I know!!! It’s not even fair for the rest of the league. The two of them together are 13 feet tall. They may let in the occasional goalie over their shoulder but that size of goalie will surely scare even Ovie. We will ignore the fact no Swedish goalie has ever won a Cup because our boys will be the first!

3. The Sedins

Much like Swedish goalies we still have two Sedins, which is two more than any other team. This year will bring a newer faster version of the Sedins because they will alternate under one jersey. It makes sense doesn’t it? If individually they had 50 and 44 points, when you have them take turns as one player they could have 94 points. That would have been second in the league last year instead of Sid. So that means if the Canucks have the second leading scorer than the team will win the Cup just like Sid did. Logic is scary when used correctly.

4. Defense

Let’s set the record straight right now. Alex Edler has been robbed several times when it comes to Norris trophy voting, including 2011-12 when he came in 13th with 4 votes. Twitter has told me several times that Chris Tanev is a number pairing guy, which Vancouver has never had before. And I was guaranteed that once Sbisa and his unhealthy pizzas were gone that this team would be a contender again. I believe with this trifecta of perfection, that no team will get a shot through to our Swedish giants in net. We’re paying those goalies to stand there and look pretty.

5. Brendan Gaunce

Again I want to point the fallacy in looking at statistics. Brendan Gaunce had 0 goals last year. So what? Fourth lines don’t need to do the job of the top three lines. And in reality do you expect a guy in the NHL who gets an average of 9 minutes of ice time a game to score any goals in a season? Come on….wake up dreamers. Gaunce had a Corsi of over 50% and in this new age of analytics, that’s all that matters. Eventually Gaunce will score one shit-ton of goals to balance out that bad luck, right, so it’s a good thing we signed him for two more years. And Gaunce is even giving the opposition time to get prepared for him as he begins the season on injured reserve. Sure you’re “injured” Brendan…….injured like a fox.

So there you have it. The Canucks are ready to go and dominate their competition this year and bring Lord Stanley’s ashtray to its rightful home Potcouver (I know you read this Nikita). Go call your local bookie and make some easy cash on this sure thing. Fake news has led you to believe the Canucks will finish at the bottom again this year, but they also predicted the Canucks would get the top pick the past two years and look how well their predictions turned out.