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The Final Frontier: Battle for Beijing

Canucks look to dethrone the Kings in NHL Asia Edition

First we take the wall, then we take Beijing

If this is what it takes for NHL games to be broadcast in my primetime, then I fully support playing all the Canucks games in China. I’d setup a poll, but already know the results...12:30AM game starts are best. For me.

This is the final game of the greatest preseason NHL hockey spectacle to ever hit the foggy ice in China. The first game was Shanghai’d by LA. The Nucks weren’t ready to play in the 1st after a hard day’s haggling in the fabric of space/time markets. This time - after conquering the Great Wall of China - the Canucks vets and token youngins will be ready to conquer the quick reacting wall of Quick Tempeh Kuemper. It’s not fair the Kings play their #1B goalie and we play our #1A. Not fair.

This morning we can expect a fresher start. I know I’ll feel fresher. For the NM night owls (and their owlets - baby owls get to stay up late - only night school to get up for) this game is the highlight of the season (so far). This preseason is almost as weird as last season’s preseason which they called the Bettman TV Ratings Cup, whatever that means.

What else can we expect in this winner take all the Peking-Duck to airport game? Penalties. Lots and lots of penalties. Because they can ‘Call Them All’.

The new NHL’s special care for player’s limbs and things is special to watch. One, because it’s never happened before. And two, because it’s never happened before in the entire 100 odd (and I mean really odd) years of the NHL’s alleged remarkable infamous existence.

In the last game thread, which feels like only a couple hours ago, we..uh...I took a poll of indeterminate results. Small sample sizes only work when boosting your fav player’s stats for your own selfish purposes mid-season.

So I ask again, this time with feeling, how do you feel about the the lasting power of this radical enforcement of the rules?


The new NHL ‘We CAN Call It All’ rules will be enforced...

This poll is closed

  • 16%
    For at least another week - or less
    (10 votes)
  • 34%
    Possibly until Xmas
    (21 votes)
  • 1%
    Maybe until the Olympic break - if there was one
    (1 vote)
  • 22%
    Right through the first few seconds of the Playoffs
    (14 votes)
  • 24%
    Until the Canucks have an effective PP
    (15 votes)
61 votes total Vote Now

Bust out the chocolate javabeans you left under the couch last Halloween, roll out your finest flannelette sheets on the carpet, pour a couple Baby (Peking) Ducks, fill the fish bowl with popcorn and slip on the 3D glasses leftover from the last time you stayed up this late.

If only we were playing the Sharks - or the Ducks

Enjoy the last game of the preseason from behind the Great Wall of Hype. This is a must-win game for our 1A roster - the teasing from the men-children will be unbearable until they’re sent to Utica to atone for their sins of youth.

While we looked certain to win the scavenger hunt for preseason points - enough to be a real contender for a 500 team title shot, it’s now hanging in the balance like a dangling participle caught in a language police raid.

去 去 椰子!国王SUX! - Our NM mock-universal translator is sleeping, but pretty sure it reads: Go Coconuts! Oh and LA Sux!