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In the Tank - Nucks lose 3-1 to Sharks

NHL: Vancouver Canucks at San Jose Sharks
Honey Badger don’t care about our needs no more
John Hefti-USA TODAY Sports

Please stand, those who could have imagined that the Sharks would win the season series with the Canucks. Fine. Everybody sit down and spend a minute or less on this recap. That would be far more time than required for a team to beat the No Puck Luck Nucks.

CUE: Movie trailer music. Out of focus mist rising off the ice. A shiny new 2017 NHL Victory pulls up in San Jose. And then disappears.

Period 1: Gone In 60 30 Seconds.

The Canucks had a great start to the game. If only these final games were less than 15 seconds, they’d be some defeat with dignity narrative to big up.

18 seconds: San Jose scores - from the faceoff, Kevin Labanc shoots the puck off Sbisa’s foot and it’s in the net. Bad puck luck. Bad Sbisa for not staying with his man, Labanc. Miller Bachman wasn’t ready for the distinct kicking motion. Bad start. Oh, well. It’s only a one goal lead. The Comeback Kids of 2016 would laugh it off and tie it up. In 2017...the Comeback kids are on the EIR.

30 seconds: San Jose scores - Joel Ward pounds a rolling puck past Miller Bachman. Bad puck luck. Bad low-intensity puck clearing attempt by Stecher results in a setup for Joel. Really bad start. Oh, well. It’s only a two goal lead. With 14:30 left to play in the 1st. Lots of time to make it a tie game. Except the game is over. No, really. It’s only pushing-back puns and might-have-beans from here.

Period 2: Already Gone In 60 30 Seconds.

See Period 1. Game is over. Yes, the Canucks fought back and played better in the 2nd. They didn’t allow SJ to score in the first 30 seconds of the period, so it’s a numerically superior moral victory. In fact, so morally superior that the Canucks and Miller Bachman shutout the Sharks for the entire 2nd period.

On the good news is here somewhere front: Willie put Goldy with the Twins and scored twice! Into the gaping gap between the top of the net and the roof of the Shark Tank. He was pretty stoked about getting setup by the Sedins. Imagine if he had scored. Just squint a little and scream loudly to drown out the silence of stingy reality.

Oh and the Canucks had 3 powerplay **cough** oppourtunities in the period. Some sweet Sedinery in the last 15 seconds of the period with a great setup for Boeser. Who was stopped by Jones, because... this isn’t Minnesota.

Period 3: So Far Gone In 60 30 Seconds.

See Period 2. And 1. However, a little ray of false hope pushed back at the 3:30 mark. An innocent looking play. Sbisa sent the puck down low to Boeser who appeared momentarily to be skating the wrong way out of San Jose - but saw an open Tanev who was ready to shoot the puck past a Bo-rrifically screened Jones. GOAL! Tanev doubled his season goal total in a single game! Wooo! Within one. Wooo!

Or not. 6 minutes later a Burns blast was tipped by Chris Tierney and Miller Bachman didn’t have a chance. Two goal lead restored. Sharks get another pre-playoff tuneup confidence boost and the Canucks get closer to the coveted number 2 spot. In the draft.

Here’s the game in five. Minutes. Really?

Willie wonders and uhs out loud for the scrum of pretending to be enquiring media hounds.

The high point of the game? Seeing Jannik share some grins (of commiseration?) with freshly former teammates.

And now the countdown to glory begins in earnest. The count that counts for Nucks National Irregular Tankeristas.

The battle to the bottom booms on Thursday in the Sahara of Hockey. Tune in for...

#2!!! #2!!! NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBER TWOOOOOOOOOOOO! Tune up your 2nd pick shout outs now. Just not in the bathroom. Context changes everything.