clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

How badly do you want the Nucks to have a Cup?

New, comments

In the grand scheme of things does it matter? Of course! And here's why.

The Grail Quest. Part 1:

It's summer now (finally) on the west coast. Not the usual room temperature summer either. It's the real sweltering heat that melts ice (cubes) in mere hours. Please remain calm, our vapour blanket will appear soon enough to protect us from that blinding solar furnace in the sky.

That opaque cloud blanket can't protect us from that burning, aching, unsatisfied desire that bubbles up in the Nucks fan collective unconscious every year about this time.

It's ok, we can deny it. We can pretend it doesn't really matter. We can even state that as long as the team makes a great effort and gives us a little false spring hope it's enough.

But, is it enough?

HELL NO! Every season that ticks by without fondling Stanley's slinky silver curves in Stanley Park during the Stanley Cup parade just makes each passing year a little more sad. Sometimes it feels like a race. To nowhere. Will the Canucks win a cup before their totem animal, the Orca, goes extinct? Who knows? I don't want to wait any longer to find out. We're way past due for our own Cup gloat. No fooling around this time (maybe just a little).

In the interests of opening deep wounds and filling the last lazy days of summer with moments of make-believe glory, I propose we start planning the Cup parade now. WTF? Are you crazy, Jimmi? Is that a rhetorical question?

First, we need to take a poll. Let loose the hungry pucks of  Nucks fan avarice!

 

Except VOX (the media mavens that provide the NM platform of doom) only allows polls at the bottom of an article, so the interactive nature of this post is already quashed. Just like our Cup hopes for the past years decades.

Fine. If fan democracy is thwarted and we can't vote early and often, I'll take the unrequested initiative and assume you want the Nucks to have a Cup pretty bad. If I'm wrong, please leave a comment. At Canucks Army. I never go there.

So, the next question and it's really, really important, so don't skip down the page to the scantily clad trophy images and gawk at the hardware. The (correct) answer to this question is key to my well badly incompletely thought out plan:

Which Cup?

What? We're talking about THE Stanley Cup, Jimmi, or at least you are.

There's more than one Stanley Cup. You know that, right?

There's THREE Stanley Cups. That we know about. All those years, wasted in the struggle to chase the same Cup as all the other clueless teams (some who only joined the league in the current century). There are at least TWO other Stanley Cups (that we know about) we could have taken. When no one was looking.

First.  Or second. Or screw the tyranny of sequential presentation, let's get back to the roots of our dilemma. A little history about the big Cup might help. Probably not at the existential angst level, but that's not the point.

The point is, here's the troublemaker who started us down this vain glorious path to non-glory. The Lord Stanley of Preston:

You might mistake him for just another crass American billionaire team owner. Ok, you wouldn't. He was a real 19th century English Lord. From England. Where hockey was banished and sent to the colonies to amuse and later torment many Canadian hockey fans.

Some may argue that hockey was a Canadian invention - we'd need to study the historical records to know for sure. However, I'm not a great student of history. I'm lucky find out about history after I've lived it a few times. But, that's not the point.

The point is the ONE TRUE CUP is no longer awarded to any team. Not even to those American teams that are the sparkle in Bettman's beady eyes. The ONE TRUE CUP - the REAL CUP that Lord Stanley bestowed upon Canadian hockey teams was retired. No, not in 1993.

Long before that. It was lost to us all in 1964. The Canucks joined the league 6 years too freakin' late!!! And not only did they not win a replica Cup, they were already doomed to not win the ONE TRUE CUP. So that sucks. For like forever***.

*** Perhaps the long backward viewing amongst us will state that Vancouver did WIN the CUP. In 1915. But, that was the Vancouver Millionaires, not the Canucks. And despite the best marketing efforts of the Canucks management to embrace and extend that one hit wonder of a long by-gone era, the retro-link has been a dismal failure for the Canucks. They have lost badly, every game, while wearing the deep V millionaire jersey. Don't make me post pics and scores of March 2, 2014. Or March 26, 2015. Or...stop. We lost all the Millionaire uni games. It was a horrible marketing idea at the time and it's worse now.

But, do not despair. Any more than usual. While the NHL has played a fast and loose shell game with OUR great Canadian treasure, Jimmi has a fool-proof-ish plan that will lead to Cup redemption. A redemption plan that will be faster than tanking and picking for a decade. Faster than being just 'real good' year after five year plan.

So...you might ask...'Where is this all going, Jimmi?' Good question. If I knew the answer, I'd write it down somewhere. Oh, wait. I already have extensive planning notes.

You probably thought I was just making it all up.

Pretty much covers all the strategic stuff. Can you almost taste the dog food in the Cup? Yeah, some moron players from those greedy teams that 'won' a cup let their dogs eat out of the Grail!!! Eeeew. But, that's bad dog history. We're about to make our own Nucks almost immortal hockey Grail history!

In a few days when the tedious technical bits fill themselves in, I'll post Part 2 with the brilliant, yet simple path to the Grail. Soon to be our Grail.

As promised a sneak peek at the grand reveal of OUR trophy lounge and bask-in-the-media center.

Really wanted this to be an interactive, think-tank (NO! Do not Think Tank!) democratic post that we'd all would write together like a bitter ransom note to the league.

But, for reasons....the poll is stuck down here. Like an after thought, a nagging pain, neglected. A chronic pain, that hurts so bad, many have been on medication since 2011, 1994, 1982, 1970.

Regardless, it's always good to feel how bad it hurts, right?