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Canuck[s] [Player] AUTOPSY: CHRIS HIGGINS

Abs of Steel, Heart of Gold, Beard of Class
Abs of Steel, Heart of Gold, Beard of Class
Kevin Hoffman-USA TODAY Sports

Who's this guy?

Chris Higgins was finagled away from Florida by former GMMG in Februray 2011 to ensure the Nucks had some depth for their pre-ordained cup run. Yappy Lappy also joined at the 2011 TDL, to ensure more yapping for their pre-ordained cup run. But, this post is about Chris Higgins, so shutup, Yappy!

At the time, it was seen as a shrewd move by Gillis to bring in a consummate 3rd liner at his peak. Chris also had a beardless childhood a long time ago on a long island. I didn't know that.

BIRTHPLACE: SMITHTOWN, NY, UNITED STATES

NUMBER: 20
HEIGHT: 6' 0"
WEIGHT: 205
Postion: LW
SHOOTS: LEFT
BORN: 2 JUN 1983  (AGE 32)
BIRTHPLACE: SMITHTOWN, NY, UNITED STATES
NICKNAME: HiGGY, ABS,The Professor
DRAFTED: 2002 1ˢᵗ round (14ᵗʰ pick) by the Montreal Canadiens

What'd he do?

Career Regular Season Stats:

But that's not what matters - it's Playoff Stats that we want (He has some)

His full stats are at hockey-reference.com

What'd we like?

First, we liked Chris. He's a very likeable guy. Did I mention he's the consummate 3rd liner? He has played up and down the line up with count-on-it effort and a touch of streakiness. He's humble, gracious with zero attitude, unlike one of his old team mates. No, Yappy, not you.

Despite not being a 2nd line center prima-donna type, he got lots of ladies excited with these:

Oh, be still my beating abs. Looks so similar to my belly. I have a belly button too.

Higgy made many great plays over five seasons here. Wow.. Five years as a rental. Not bad at all. (How many did you last, Yappy? No, don't answer that, this is all about Chris.)

I selected the particular play below in a pathetic attempt to remain relevant to this year's playoffs via the Former Canucks Players Association.

Without obvious name dropping, I'll mention the time when Bonino played with Higgy. Yes, the same Bonino now lighting it up for the Pens on the 'BEST 3rd Line In The NHL'. Yes, the same Bonino involved in the Bonino trade. The trade which we won, BTW.  Don't make me quote incontrovertible proof on the internet - that would be insutterable.

So, here's the nice dish to Abs from soon-to-be traitor traded Bones.

(Gotta love the on ice official who loved the goal so much - gave us 10 for 1. Those were the days.)

How about a Nucks powerplay goal in the playoffs (Remember those? Me neither.)

Scored a clutch GWG too. (Yes, Yappy, you helped)

He could be feisty too for an easy-going guy

Great deke. Sweet hands.

And a Shark killer too.

Could fill up the post with another dozen thrilling abs moments, but...

Ok, one more clip - Abs is just a regular guy - with a wicked wrister.

What'd we hate?

Uh...not to put too sour a point on it, he didn't help win us a cup in 2011 during our pre-ordained cup run. We can forgive most things, but there was an unspoken, unwritten promise in my bitter little mind that Higgy was the secret to winning the cup in 2011. If only he had stepped up and scored 5 goals in that game 7 (was that asking so much?), life would be very different now.

If he had delivered the Game 7 GWG in June 2011, the NHL would be in a better place now - with mind rooms, outside-of-the-box down-home-discount contracts and free NTCs for every player in the league.

Nucks fans would be happier and more annoying than Booin fans. And I would be in a better job - Professional NHL Sleep Consultant. Not that I get much any more, but when I do, I really like to sleep. Making a fat salary while sleeping is kind of a dream job for me.

Chris and the team didn't quite deliver that Stanley Cup parade in Stanley Park. Instead, after a suitable mourning period, the Canucks received cast-off  staff from a rival that beat them in a Cup final. Again.

Instead of a rich slumbering consultant, I spend sleepless nights creating tank art that pays nothing but the hope of distracting disappointed Nucks fans from our miserable basement dweller status. Even if it is conveniently located in a Canucks Heritage Building.

The post-2012 Canucks entertain us not with Prez trophies and Jedi cap tricks, but with the possible prospect of spectacular draft prospects. And the distant dream of another semi-pre-ordained cup run some years away in the foggy future. This isn't all on Higgy. That wouldn't be fair. The NHL isn't fair. And the fans are worse.

So now what?

Higgy didn't have a very good season - injured out of the gate, thanks to the unrequested efforts of the pre-season Injury Faeries. He was even sent down to the farm team - where he played like a pro. He's a classy guy. Even if his abs are a little too showy.

Many say this is it for Chris with the Nucks. They say he's old, slow and stale. He's turning 33 in a sport that's got a dirty little obsession with 18 year old man-boys.

I'm sure we all wish Chris the best for his future. (And that he'd scored the GWG in a, in THE game 7)

Despite his advanced hockey years, Higgy still provides foundational evidence we won the Bonino trade.

Before I tear up (jeez... somebody send Nick a semi-rusty razor - no not you, Lappy)....

Lets watch a Higgy Tribute video. (It's the classy thing to do)

Thanks, Chris, for all your class, abs and plays! If we've learned anything from you, it's to: Stay Classy!

(Whatz up with [ ] in the title, Jimmi? It's a weak attempt to make good on my promise to abstain from the grammar wars brewing amongst some NM contributors. I'd explain it here, but words fail to describe the linguistic slaughter by apostrolyptic nerds locking their possessive pronouns in the ontological onomatopoeia of derisive syllabication.)