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This Is My Heartbeat Song And I'm Gonna Play It: Canes @ Canucks

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This is the extent of my knowledge of Kelly Clarkson and it required quite a lot of googling. Did you know she has a line of greeting cards?

I sneezed, and out shot a beard.
I sneezed, and out shot a beard.
Rich Lam/Getty Images

This week's "remember me?" tour that started with dandiprat Kesler and his Superjuice sidekick before welcoming back Brad Richardson (...*crickets*...) continues this evening with the return of noted Canuck goaltending standout Drew MacIntyre.

Seriously, those two games. Amazeballs. He even let Steve "death to scoring chances" Bernier score and I think once you do that you're fast tracked into the hall of fame (in the British elite league).

OK, fine. Edward is back. Twitter will go nuts. People will scream Eddie. Many will be happy to see that goofy grin return to Rogers Place. Even more will simply add Lack to Luongo and Schneider's names as stark, facepalming reminders of the more enjoyable days that are long in the rear view. But let's not dwell on that.

We could dwell on the fact both Miller and Markstrom are having better seasons than Lack and they're playing behind a Canucks team that's half a Walking Dead zombie and half a kid at their first day of kindergarten looking around nervously for their mother....

...but nah, we'll behave. Besides, who are we kidding? It's impossible to dislike Lack no matter how Canuck blue the tint in your perspective is.

For Vancouver, Edler is expected to play between bouts of bolting to the bathroom to puke from the flu, Daniel doesn't need no stinkin' teeth, they'll get Baert back in on the second line, Kenins returns to the checking and Burrows will drag the fourth line, though we don't know if Prust is in or out. The defense remains the same and Marky is between the pipes.

For the Canes, they're on the outside of the playoffs looking in and are missing a handful of players as well, though both Lack and Cam Ward have done well in keeping them competitive through the last ten games. Lead by Faulk on the backend, the Carolina defense has been on fire in the past 15 games (10-24-34) so if the Staals struggle up front, they have a decent plan B. Speaking of the Staals don't they know the only way to properly brother is to be genetic clones? Idiots. A Carolina win tonight will allow them to leapfrog the idle (and Lecavalier-less) Flyers and narrow the gap in their wild card race.

For the Canes fan who called us the CaSucks, I'm disappointed (please see Chicago fans for proper Vancouver trolling) but I'm willing to give partial blame to your team's marketing department for your lack of creativity because #redvolution? Honestly? I'm going to assume you took Two and Half Men seriously too.

Human Guinea Pig Formations

Daniel Sedin - Henrik Sedin - Jannik Hansen

Sven Baertschi - Bo Horvat - Radim Vrbata

Ronalds Kenins - Jared McCann - Derek Dorsett

Alexandre Burrows - Adam Cracknell - Chris Higgins

Alexander Edler - Chris Tanev

Ben Hutton - Yannick Weber

Matt Bartkowski - Alex Biega

Jacob Markstrom

Kris Versteeg - Eric Staal - Elias Lindholm

Joakim Nordstrom - Jordan Staal - Andrej Nestrasil

Jeff Skinner - Victor Rask - Brock McGinn

Brad Malone - Jay McClement - Riley Nash

John-Michael Liles - Justin Faulk

Jaccob Slavin - Ron Hainsey

Noah Hanifin - Brett Pesce

Eddie Lack

Fearless Prediction

Both teams can't score. Both teams can't really defend. Both suck at special teams. But the Canes cough up a lot at even strength so let's go with Baert kicks the door open and Tanev (just because) adds to the pain.

Of course I write that and then see this little tidbit for the evening:

Carolina looks to avoid a third straight defeat by beating the Canucks in Vancouver for the first time in more than 16 years Wednesday night.

...oh god we're totally screwed.