The Fine Art of Falling Apart

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So, it seems that some of you are a little upset with the Canucks recently.

More specifically 'a little upset' could also mean full toddler-tantrum, head spinning (Exorcist-style), running down the street with hair lit on fire, gnashing teeth and shouting warnings of the coming return of The Messier and days of darkness.

I heard some dude sacrificed a goat outside Gate 16 in hopes the Fire Gods would be pleased and remove these evildoers from the Temple- er, Rogers Arena.

That last part may or may not have been a fabrication. I'm looking into it.

We awake this morning to find the people of Vancouver (but mainly media) shaking their fists and voicing their collective displeasure of being forced to bid adieu to their beloved apparently not-so-bad-in-hindsight Gillis regime and prophesying more danger coming because Eddie Lack will not be wearing a Canuck uniform when he tweets about tacos and because of course they did, because even professionals would rather sit and complain than deal with real change (not just for parents' basement-dwelling 30 -year-olds anymore!). Also because a true Vancouver sports writer will never- NEVER miss an opportunity to spin a narrative that provides easy page-turning, comment churning, click-baiting content. I swear there is smoke still emanating from The Province offices. Gollum TonyG, was at his usual, curmudgeonly best:

Yes, it was another grim day and you shake your head.

I only shake my head at thee, sir.

In the end though, no one sums up the media's feelings better than Botch himself:

All this seems like quite an overreaction to what amounts to relatively minor changes that in fact we all knew, or at least thought, might happen for quite some time now. We'll get to the details shortly, but it would appear that despite a pretty nice honeymoon for "Lindenning", the roof has come crashing down rather suddenly.

This all reminds me so much of a high school hangover story.

Benning, in the role of your old man, just came in your bedroom and dumped a bucket of cold water on your head and is telling you to get out and dig fence holes in 30 degree heat.

It all seems so unfair. You're angry. I understand.

Just hours ago you were having the time of your life, enjoying a few pints, some good friends, making new ones, it was awesome. You drank and caroused all the way to the VIP room of the NHL club, bottle service and everything. You were having the best. Time. EVER!!

That's when it happened. Boston showed up with the Jager. That a**hole. You couldn't resist, tried to drink shot for shot with the big guy and lost your edge. It started simply enough, just got a little stumble-y is all, but slowly it all went downhill. You spilled a couple drinks here and there, no big deal, but then you really lost it and wiped out hard on the dance floor and took a couple innocent partygoers down with you.

The rest is really blurry, but it involves getting kicked out of the club, losing a shoe and possibly urinating on a drive-thru intercom.

Somehow you wake up in your own bed, still wearing just the one shoe and your brother Torts is in your room banging pots and pans in your face and jumping on your bed.

You want to die. Then pops shows up with the water.

It's all so damn unfair. At least it feels that way now. But really deep inside you knew it was inevitable. The hangover was coming; now all you can do is bear down and sweat it out.

It's easy to forget how good it's been to be a Canuck fan for the better part of 15 years now. Playoffs have been all but guaranteed, star players, exciting hockey and a fair amount of drama all wrapped up in Blue and Green, but the reality is that things need to change. It's easy to get upset seeing fan's favourite players being traded away for what doesn't always appear to be much coming back, or front office executives being shown the door after years of loyal (and typically exceptional) service. Change is never easy, but always necessary. It's time to move on, even if it hurts having to take that bandaid off inch-by-inch.

Fans and media-types both have been sounding the bells for change for a while now, but when it finally comes, it's distasteful and therefore wrong. Seriously?

I know, it's a shame that "Juice" won't retire here. It's horribly unfair to see an excellent goalie and resident man-girl-crush (triple threat guy!) leave for little in return and that now-too-familiar refrain of 'damn if only Kassian had one more chance, maybe with the twins finally...' will be uttered no more.

It sucks when good hockey men have to lose their jobs. It sucks when the team you love doesn't improve while the teams you love to hate get better. You can ask Flames' and Oilers' fans about that one.

If you want my two cents- which I assume you don't but you clicked on the article and you've already read this far so you're just gonna have to deal with it- this is ugly stuff. It's supposed to be ugly, it's the change so many people have been waiting for and oh man, it's gonna get worse. Don't worry though, it's a good thing.

It's awful to hear experienced writers sounding alarm bells about Trevor Linden and Jim Benning's abilities and qualifications because the team fired people who's fingerprints are all over the team (yes, THAT team) that's been crumbling before our eyes for years, the team that is saddled with contracts they complain about being stumbling blocks, yet celebrate when the man responsible for them is fired?

It's time for fans and writers alike to calm down, take a step back from the breach, and look at where the team is headed. Or at the very least stop whining and untwist your undies for a moment. The fact is that in times like these popular players get traded, front offices get cleared out and in general everybody gets that awkward, uncomfortable feeling in their nether regions.

Welcome to the rebuild.

It's mildly better than that time you woke up hungover and soaking wet because your old man dumped a bucket of water on your face.

Flame away! I plan on specifically breaking down Benning's recent moves in future blogs in what will hopefully be a 4-Part series, so stay tuned! Or not. Or maybe f___ yourself, I don't care.

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