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Canucks Sh*t The Bed Against CBJ; Lose 6-2

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Check out all the goals so you can see the Canucks fail in chronological order!

"Momma? Momma? I want to go home! I want to go home!"
"Momma? Momma? I want to go home! I want to go home!"
Anne-Marie Sorvin-USA TODAY Sports

The Canucks scratched Adam Clendening, Ryan Stanton and Brandon McMillan.


All Vancouver. Shots were 20-10. I barely remember Columbus' 10 shots. It seemed like the Canucks were in the BJ's zone the whole time. They just couldn't solve Sergei Bobrovsky. He was superb. Radim Vrbata had 4 shots, Ronalds Kenins 3 and 2 shots each for Nick Bonino and Jannik Hansen. Kenins had the best chance:

The Canucks were outhit 12-2 and blocked 6 shots to Columbus' 4.


Early in the second, Bieksa got hit with a puck and was injured and could not get off the ice because the Canucks couldn't move the puck past the red line. Seemed like an eternity until Sbisa finally skated it past center. After the dump in the Jackets' Atkinson and Letestu coughed the puck up about 20 feet in front of Bobrovsky. Who's there? Bo Horvat, who wrists it home. 1-0:

Bieksa heads to the dressing room. Stanton smiles, perhaps. Tough luck for Juice.

Seconds later, Daniel Sedin made it 2-0 on a goal that had to be reviewed because the refs made the wrong call:

We are going to murder these FUKKERS! YES WE ARE!!

Bieksa returns the to game! Stanton sheds tears, perhaps, from the press box.

Fight! Dorsett vs Corey Tropp. Great scrap!

At the 12:56 mark, Rene Bourque scores a stinker (his 5th shot of the game) on Eddie Lack from just inside the blue line. The puck dipped though, as if it may have hit Chris Tanev's stick. 2-1:

Finally, Columbus has some life after that goal. But it's short-lived because the Horvat line soon comes on and dominates. Oh wait, nevermind. The next shift the Jackets put some pressure on in Vancouver's zone and the Canucks' team defence get caught napping in front of Lack. Bang-bang play as Marco Dano the Mano is wide open in front, takes a pass from Anisimov (gesundheit!) and makes it 2-2. You have got to be kidding me:

That took some wind out of the Canucks' sails. The Jackets pressed the play for several shifts until Scott Hartnell took a holding penalty. The best chance on the PP came from CBJ, where Nick Foligno hit the post on a two-on-one shorthanded rush. Pathetic.

Minutes later Weber takes a bonehead penalty. The BJ's first PP chance of the game. The get a ping-pong play as Atkinson tips a point shot that goes off Edler's skate and through Lack's legs. 3-2 BJ's! WEEEEEE!!!!

Rogers Arena falls quiet. I heard a mouse fart as the second period wound down.

CBJ outshoot the Canucks 11-8 in that period.


Kind of an event-less first 5 minutes of the 3rd. Suddenly, Edler fails to clear, a Columbus shot takes a funny bounce off the glass behind Lack, bounces past Edler, and onto the stick of Marco Dano, who makes it 4-2. Yea, this is happening:

Hahaha. The Canucks really open it up to try to attempt a comeback. Too open. Jackets get a 2-on-1..Dano to Hartnell..5-2.

Special. Finally, Jacob Markstrom gets some playing time and can boost those GAA and save percentage numbers. Lack gets a cheer as he's pulled, and a sympathetic pat on the head from his bed-shitting teammates:

Just bad bounces on the important CBJ goals surrounded by unimpressive defensive play. Against a shitty team (who has won 5 of 6, but still....). People say fights don't matter, but geez, the Canucks basically went off the attack and lost their mojo after Dorsett fought Tropp. Would I put some onus on Lack to make some more saves? NAH! Eddie has been saving this team's ass so often that it's time for the rest of the team to get their shit together and bail out their goalie a lot more often. The Sedins and Burrows were excellent in the first period but disappeared. I was more impressed with the Bo - Beaker - RK47 line overall.

Wennberg scores into the open net, as Willie D pulled the goalie for the extra attacker uber early again. 6-2. SIX UNANSWERED GOALS!

Jack Nicholson wanted the Canucks to know how he feels about their efforts tonight:


40 shots by Vancouver, 33 by Columbus.

11 giveaways by Van, 8 by CBJ.

15-7 CBJ wins the hit count. YAWN.

3 points for Marco Dano the Mano

Dano, Hartnell and Wennberg each were a +3

Vrbata was a -3. Higgins and Bonino each a -2, as was Bieksa.

Bo, Ronalds and Jannik each a +1. Yes, they were the best line. Attacking all night.

Pass the toilet paper!

THIS is why you don't shit away games:

This game review has been brought to you by the Dayglo Abortions: