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Canucks Beat Lightning 2-1 In A Penalty Parade

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Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Unreal. The Lightning were gifted 10 (TEN!!!) powerplay opportunities in this one and managed only one goal. The conspiracy theorists were likely out in full swing in the name of game management. Even John Garrett was beside himself. Shorty had to console his little buddy during the game as the penalties unraveled one of the other. He gave him food. Here's the list:

Canucks penalties Lightning

I'm not into many conspiracy theories. Neither was captain Henrik Sedin post game, agreeing with how the game was refereed. Note the excitement in Hank's voice in that interview. Unbelievably, the Canucks' usual dismal PK killed all but one of the ten. It was incredible to watch. Oh, and the Canucks had ONE power play. ONE. TEN power plays to ONE.

SVEN AGAIN

With 4:00 left in the first and the game tied at a scoreless draw, this happened:

Bae scores for the third game in a row. Is he finding his game? Is he just red hot and gonna fade kinda like Jeff Cowan the Brabarian? You have to like how he's going to the net like that. Well done, Sven. I had given up on you.

OH NOES...

The Canucks held on to that 1-0 lead until one of their 10,000 penalties against caught up to them, and Jonathan Marchessault tied the game:

So the game was tied heading into the third. Three more power plays happened in the third and then this:

Chick-chick BOOM!!! I love these Sedins. They just keep kicking ass, defying the haters who were writing them off to decline in their latter years. These dudes are supreme.

HERE COMES THE PAIN?

Cool. So we have the 2-1 lead with only half a period left. What could possibly go wrong? More penalties? A third period collapse? Hell no, James. The Canucks actually kept their foot on the gas at a time I thought they would fade, with this being their last game of the road trip. These guys really took it to Tampa at a time where you'd think they would sit back and protect the lead or....panic and play shitty defensively..... Hansen was gonna break in for a breakaway but was interfered with by Nikita Nesterov of the KGB. Looked like a legit call except Beaker got called for diving as well. Damn. The Canucks kept pushing the play, quite impressively and then the infamous 2015-16 Canucks call happened with just under 2:00 left to play: TOO MANY MEN ON THE ICE. Dear god. They were screwed now, right? Here comes the Stamkos hero call! Nope. What we saw in the latter stages was continued defensive excellence from guys like Derek Dorsett, Brandon Prust, Alex Edler, Jacob Markstrom and even Chris Tanev, who lay in front of a Stamkos one-timer with under a minute to play. That blocked shot hurt him by the way. Hope he's alright. Tanev, you are the man.

CANUCKS PLAYING DEFENCE? GTFO!!!!

Yea! The team played well defensively. Is this the apocalypse? Sure, there were a few giveaways, but not as many as I've grown accustomed to. Maybe Willie is adjusting his style as well as the team executing. It would be wise of the Padwan Willie to do so. It's not like he has a lot of guns in this war. Even if he has a lot of guns they don't work all the time.

THE LIGHTNING POWER PLAY FAIL

Well we got to see a lot of Tampa's PP in this one. One very recurring theme was Steven Stamkos, waiting to Markstrom's right for the one-timer. And by waiting I mean the Bolts pass the puck around well but you starting knowing, as the Canucks did, that the eventual final pass was going to Stamkos. The repetivitey (sp) was predictable. Sure, Stammer hit a crossbar on one of those plays but jeeziz....even Markstrom was on to their PP crap. Sure, I call it crap and I am glad it was crap. If their PP was hummin' we would have been dead.

STAT FAIL

Yea yea the dweebs love the possession stats and faceoff stats. This game shot the faceoff stats down to hell. Big time. Tampa won 35 and lost 17 faceoffs in this game. You could watch Bo Horvat repeatedly lose faceoffs on the PK and yet it didn't matter. Not this time, anyway.

The shot total of this game was 29-19 in favor of Tampa (of course!!). Only 29-19 when the Canucks spent ONE WHOLE DAMNED PERIOD'S WORTH KILLING PENALTIES! So...kudos to you Canucks tonight. You did an excellent job!

Did I mention the Lightning had 10 powerplays to the Canucks' 1???!!

BOXSCORE

Oh gee, Jason Garrison was a -2. Whoops.

ALEX BIEGA

Keep him on the damned team at all costs. He is skilled, big, fast and mean. We need that. Way to go Biega!

MY THREE STARS

1. Daniel Sedin

2. Stamkos' tears

3. Stamkos' tears

XMAS

Happy Holidays to all of you folks and to the Canucks team. I'm going to work all of Xmas and New Years but that's how it rolls with a new job. I hope you all have an excellent time this holiday season!

This game recap has been brought to you by Sepultura: