2014 NHL Playoffs Day 11: Saturday Afternoon

Four games on tap today! Us Pacific Time Zone peeps can sleep in, get up, maybe peek out the window and see how nice it looks outside with all that sunshine and now-greening grass while sipping on a rum and coffee and think to ourselves "oh wow, what a beautiful day! I should really get outside and weed the garden, or go for a walk or a bike ride....." But then, just as the coffee kicks in you think: "Nah fuck it! Playoff hockey is on in 1 hour!"  So you just sit your fat lazy ass on the couch, (you know that leather couch that has that perfect imprint of your ass in it) open your laptop or other device and head to Twitter to see what's going on and maybe type a few tweets that in your mind you think are witty or wise and hope for a few retweets because you know, the world is fucking stupid like that. If the first game doesn't go to overtime you have an hour to kill, so you slowly drag your sweatty ass off the couch, remove the cling-on, look out the window again and see how beautiful it is outside. Look! There are so many people out walking today! The joys of a new spring! Fucking idiots! They're missing playoff hockey! (Woa, check out the butt on that one! Is that her daughter or her sister walking next to her? Does it really matter? Thank the heavens for Lululemon!) By the time you're done examining God's beautiful creations it's 3:45! Time to get a bag of ketchup chips and your 5th rum and Coke and return to that ass-fitted couch to watch Game 2! From here on out you're gold. You can watch hockey all the way til 9:30 pm and maybe you get lucky if the Sharks-Kings game goes to overtime. Of course, you'll be too drunk to remember who scores the winner if it really drags out. But who cares? It's dark outside now and you have wasted another perfect day indoors and are a little more fat in the process! God bless you, NHL Playoffs! You're so good to me! The best part? You can go back on Twitter after the last game, bark like an asshole and live in a bullshit social media world, or maybe get life- inspiring updates from friends and family on Facebook, pass out, wake up, and do the same damn thing all over again on Sunday! Halleluiah! Goin' to church? Fuck that! I got booze to drink and hockey to watch! Jesus can wait til after the Ducks-Stars game!

12:00 PM PST

Detroit At Boston

Boston leads series 3-1

TV: TSN, RDS

Did anybody out there actually pick Detroit to beat Boston? Fools of Tooks!

4:00 PM PST

Columbus At Pittsburgh

Series tied 2-2

TV: CBC, RDS

If there are any gods out there at all, Columbus takes this series. I hate Pittsburgh. Always have always will. Columbus is a feel-good story waiting to happen, but they are in tough to take this one in Pittsburgh.

6:30 PM PST

Minnesota At Colorado

Series tied 2-2

TV: TSN, RDS

Matt Cooke is suspended. He did the Wild a solid by taking out their best defenceman though. It showed last game.

7:00 PM PST

Los Angeles At San Jose

Sharks lead series 3-1

TV: CBC, RDS

Please end this now, San Jose. Don't give those LA punks any life. Oh wait, you already did last game. Guys like Williams, Brown, Toffoli, Richards were all sound asleep in this series until last game. Sharks are in tough to close this one out.

Excellent hockey so far in round 1. Some of the best I have seen in a long time. Enjoy! Get your shine on!

This retarded open thread has been brought to you by Jefferson Airplane, way before they became Starship and sold their souls:

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