2014 NHL Playoffs Night #8

Ok fine. I root for the good teams, fate makes them lose. I fake root for the bad teams, fate makes them win. So, cool, it called my bluff. Tonight I will base the righteous decisions based solely on the team names. Shut up, let me have my fun**.

• 4:00 PM PT - FACT! - It's a big friggin' Civil War cannon against flightless birds. More to the point, the big friggin' Civil War cannon has almost universal backing against the NHL's forced fellatio on said flightless birds for years now. This is about a man-made weapon using explosive-based propellants against defenseless sphenisciformes that wouldn't exist at all if didn't live in the most inhospitable areas on this planet. Evolution exists for a reason people.
• 5:00 PM PT - FACT! - It's another friggin' bird against a massive sphere of plasma held together by its own gravity. Some of you may think this is a lopsided fight, however these aren't ordinary ducks. Oh no, these are mighty friggin' humanoid ducks from PuckWorld that have weapons like the Aerowing, Puck Blasters and even a DuckSaber. This is about advanced bird life with a love of hockey and unbelievable advances in technological warfare against a brainless mass of particles that die when they collapse into themselves. Chalk one up for science bitches!
• 6:30 PM PT - FACT! - It's a popular, feel-good song that's been covered about a zillion times over and written by the "Father of the Blues" against a Native American who - fun fact - is best known as being one of the few people in history to have an entire war - which he lost - named after him. Sorry we like winners here and that's why we're going with the feel good song that transcends time, artist, musical genres and the occasional knee-to-knee and head-against-board hit.

** If you took any of this seriously and plan on contacting SBN to demand my head, please note I can't read English and your threats will effectively be null and void. Hugs.