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You Will Never Find A More Wretched Hive Of Scum And Villainy: Canucks & Blackhawks - Game III

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Next Game

Vancouver Canucks
@ Chicago Blackhawks

Sunday, Apr 17, 2011, 5:00 PM PDT
United Center

Beirut by the Lake: Second City Hockey

Complete Coverage >


Rather than analyze how to kickstart anyone not named Ben Smith, move a rock and find their PP or clean up their frequent train wreck defensive zone coverage, the sagely Quenneville has played the most desperate, monosyllabic card in his slim deck: "size." Mimicking the Aaron Rome relevancy mindset, Scott will play as forward (in place of an injured Bickell) and hopes to add his own monosyllabic element to his first playoff game: "chaos." Try to ignore the delicious irony that the Canucks will welcome back Raffi Torres from suspension at the same time as the Blackhawks are all but declaring their intent to cross the line, unless someone truly believes Scott's 0.03 point per game pace is about to explode like a Rebecca Black parody. Perhaps Colin Campbell will tune in when Real Housewives of New Jersey rolls the commercials.

Along with Torres, the Canucks also get Samuelsson back, meaning Rome and Thunderdome will watch from the plush seats. Raymond will don his Malhotra hat and the fourth line crashers remain intact. The bottom six, along with Ballard/Salo, will have a rough ride if Quenneville gets the match-ups he wants. Time to lean on the heavies; some early Sedinery will quiet the madhouse and give the Canucks a chance at cruise control. Tony emerged from the mausoleum to question whether Bob has the grapefruits to play at ground zero when the real question is can the whole team. A poor penalty here, some botched coverage there and it could be an extension of the third period in game two. Someone remind TG Luongo will do his job as long as the other 18 gentlemen do theirs.

Got killer instinct? Another huge step in the road ahead will answer that. They've earned the right to have a skate to their throats, now they just have to use it. Nothing else matters.

...everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?

- Episode IV

I've never met someone who actually owns a Fratellis album. Neither have you.

Coconuts? GO!