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And Boom Goes the Dynamite (Now with less content)

Aaron Volpatti using the infamous "Smell my hockey hand" maneuver we've all used on our girlfriends at one point or another. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)
Aaron Volpatti using the infamous "Smell my hockey hand" maneuver we've all used on our girlfriends at one point or another. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)
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Sorry boys and girls. Imagine I am the October Canucks, and this post is the first 20 minutes of a game against an average team. Which if you've guessed correctly, means it won't be up to my usual standards. I am erratic these days due to work and the infernal Province contest that has me slaving away at my computer all day. So alas I do not have a witty intro paragraph, nor do I have any fun pictures to share with you. I will have a pretty cool article to post on NM later today that will be featured in the Province, so keep an eye out for that. Sorry guys! I wanted to at least do one post so there could be some early morning discussions, so I will toss out some links and let you guys go to work!

I will leave you with a joke, though. I googled "funny joke" and this was the first one to come off. Please don't accuse me of sexist jokes again. I haven't recovered from the last time that happened.

"Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday."

Also I googled "funny hockey" and got this:

Lingerie hockey. I think it's time is now to fill the gap that the NBA has left behind. (Please don't hate me ladies).

  • You won't get a much more in depth breakdown of the Canucks chances at landing Shea Weber than this offering by Jeff Angus, one of my fellow competitors in the Province contest. The only issue I had with this article was that Shea Weber's beard wasn't discussed enough. [Canucks Army] 
  • Mac Daddy Iain weighs in on Salo's injury and lets us know when we might see our Fragile Finn, THE WHITE VIKING, again.  You cannot stop the White Viking, you can only hope to injure him. Multiple times. Every year. [Vancouver Sun]
  • "Everyone hugs Raymond" was the tagline Iain chose. What the **** is that garbage. Dear god. I don't even care what the article is about anymore, just promise me you'll never use that title again. Ugh. I assume he talks about Raymond's progress in rehabbing his injury. I couldn't tell because of the projectile vomiting. [Vancouver Sun]
  • Jim Jamieson proves that Alain Vigneault really does hate me, as he is sticking with the Hansen/Sedin line. I know they played well against Chicago, but I have my doubts Hansen will do much in this game. Not that he didn't show great instincts tapping in that empty netter last game. [Montreal Gazette]
  • Brad Ziemer has a fun story about the Canucks golfing while they await their game against LA in an attempt to keep their competitive spirit up. What amused me the most was when they asked Ballard who his biggest competition in golf would be. Ballard said Rome. It's always Rome, isn't it? At everything in life. It wasn't that which amused me, however, it was the fact Ballard though Alain would let him dress to play golf. [Montreal Gazette]

NHL News:

  •  Am I going to pimp out my own articles? Damn straight I am. I had three funny ideas last night that made it into articles, and I'll be damned if I don't cash in on them. And by "cash in" I mean make no money but at the very least validate myself on the traffic I direct to my website from NM. In this article I try and take a famous meme and Patrick Kanersize it. [Off the Stanchion]
  • In this article, I pretty much just wanted to do something on Ray Ferraro because I love the guy's color commentary so much. I almost need a non-sarcastic font so people know when I'm telling the truth. (Ray is awesome.) [Off the Stanchion]
  • Some NHL news and notes for you. Still no word on when Crosby is coming back, but we do know that he is still alive. How? Luckily someone mentions Crosby's status EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY. [Toronto Sun]
  • The Jets are like the pretty girl who has a ton of guys to choose from. She can be as high maintenance as she wants because she knows the guys want her. But eventually time will do it's damage. Eventually those perky young assets will begin to sag, and then eventually she will have to become a normal human being and actually learn to compromise. So for now, the Jets can get away with charging a crap load of money for hockey. But soon enough....Check out what the Jets are 2nd in the league in. [Winnipeg Free Press]
  • Every wondered what Italy would look like if they played Brazil at hockey? Well luckily we now have our answer. If for some reason you did not hear about this insane game last night, please watch the video of it in the link. Basically the Tampa Bay Lightning played a 1-3-1 trap last night, and the Flyers countered not leaving their own zone. At one point Tampa just sits outside the blue line, and the Flyers just pass the puck in their own zone until the refs blow the play dead (Which they shouldn't have, technically.) This happens several times. At one point the entire Flyers bench is up in arms, screaming at the Lightning bench, calling them differing variations of the word "coward." Seriously, this was such an odd game. [TSN.CA]
  • I thought this was gong to be a good article, but it really isn't. If you want a boring recap of Auld and Anderson talking about goalies, please read as they explain how things will balance out eventually. Stunning insight.[ Vancouver Sun]
  • If you're a history buff, you should enjoy this story about the NHL's longest serving president Clarence Campbell. Not told in this story, however, is about the long standing feud between Clarence Campbell, and Michael Savard, a private in the army at the time. Campbell accused him of being a faker, Savard accused him of being got really ugly. [Toronto Sun]