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Today's forecast? Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by: Canucks & Kings

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Sobsmyth_medium


Next Game

Vancouver Canucks
@ Los Angeles Kings

Thursday, Apr 1, 2010, 7:30 PM PDT
STAPLES Center
Opposition Blogs: Battle of California, Jewels From The Crown

Complete Coverage >


Tonight is suspension night #2 for SOB who didn't travel down to Los Angeles for the game...

...or did he? Cue scene:

[Shane O'Brien and Ryan Smyth are playing "Mortal Kombat: Deception." Ryan is Baraka, while Shane is Sub-Zero]

Ryan: So, you're scratched tonight right?
Shane: No, I wasn't scratched, I'm just on a light conditioning stint.
Ryan: That sounds stupid. I mean, I just want you to know this is like the first conversation of like three conversations about you being scratched. Like there's this, and then in a year it's like "Oh you know, I kinda wanna, ya know, get back out there but Vigneault doesn't let me" and then there's the big, "Oh I'm, I'm heading to the ALH now".
Shane: [Puzzled Expression] You're stupid for saying that.
Ryan: [Laughing] Oh, I'm stupid for saying that?
Shane: You know how I know you suck?
Ryan: How? How do you know I suck?
Shane: Because of that soccer rocker hair cut. Do you even walk by mirrors anymore?
Ryan: You know how I know you suck? Andrew Alberts is getting more ice time than you.
Shane: You know how I know you suck?
Ryan: How? Cuz you suck? And you can tell who other people who suck are?
Shane: You know how I know you suck?
Ryan: How?
Shane: You cried like a limp bitch when you those sneaky Edmonton suits traded you.

[Ryan loses first match; screen cuts to video game footage of Baraka tearing Sub-Zero in half]

Ryan: Aw, shit. Ow. Dude, at least leave my torso alone.
Shane: You know how I know you suck?
Ryan: How?
Shane: You TIVO Two and a Half Men and touch yourself.
Ryan: You know how I know you suck?
Shane: How?
Ryan: You're getting fat enough that people are forgetting about Wellwood.
Shane: You know how I know you suck?
Ryan: How?
Shane: You played for Colorado.

[Shane loses second match and smokes a bowl; screen cuts to video game footage of Sub-Zero's fatality]

Ryan: I'm ripping your head off right now. It's off, and now I'm throwing it at your body. (shouts) Fuck you!
Shane: Arrrr.
Ryan: You know how I know you suck?
Shane: How is that?
Ryan: You're a chubby chaser who can't figure out how to work a snooze button.
Shane: You know how I know you suck?
Ryan: Tell me.
Shane: You play on a line with Raccoon Jesus and a guy who named his kid Jaxon.
Ryan: Yeah, I give that to you, actually. You know how I know you suck?
Shane: How?
Ryan: You gave me that Coldplay CD for Christmas.
Shane: That was just me being considerate, okay? That's not me sucking.
Ryan: Fine. You know how I know you suck?
Shane: How?
Ryan: I have to go play an NHL game right now while you're going to hang around my condo cyber stalking new Roxy victims on chat roulette.
Shane: That's not a bad idea actually. But you still suck.

It could happen, you don't know. Gamethread on.