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Yeah, Alright, So It's All My Fault

Have the Canucks sucked for four straight games, including Saturday's epic meltdown and Sunday's lackluster encore? Sure. But don't blame the millionaires. They can only do so much.

No no, yours truly takes the full blame. I'll never visit Vancouver again...which is a shame because - the games aside - the city is extremely cool, the people are fun and any place where you can hit the slopes in 30 minutes is an A+ in my book.

Nevertheless, I take full responsibility. It took me 16 damn years to get there and the team just so happens to pick this weekend to epically tank. I got the hint. 

Random observations await you after the leap.

> Like most fans I assume, I lost interest in the Chicago game after Luongo was pulled. I held out faint hope Ginger Jesus could mentally command the "players" in front of him to act professional. No dice there. I told Sean on Sunday I actually woke up thinking we scored two goals, thus proving I can't escape this team even in my paltry four hours of sleep.

> Good one on those who told me a Canadian Car Bomb is a real beverage. I tried to order it and the lady looked at me like I asked her to pick up my pants from her mother's nightstand. Either it doesn't exist and I fell for it or the Forum never heard of such a beverage. Funny either way.

> I can't get that Brouwer goal out of my head; all that was missing was slapping a mic on Ehrhoff so we could hear him whine like the bitch Brouwer made him into. Pathetic.

> This makes me want to rage vomit. I like Botch but this whole "in their head" idea is asinine. If you've watched Vancouver since the Montreal shutout you could see the subtle warning signs that would allow a strong team to take them out back and give them a wicked, red-headed stepchild-type beating. Chicago was that team. No reason to dig further to explain it.

> Why is the UFC more popular than hockey? Won't someone please think of the children?

> Can you remember the last time you saw Vancouver play with anger and determination? Having that chip on their shoulder collectively and hitting the ice with the firm resolve to own the game from the outset? That was what we expected before the puck dropped on Sunday but I couldn't recall a time this year when I saw them play like that. Maybe they can't.

> Sean touched on it and I agree: Tanner Glass looked like the strongest skater on Sunday which is sad on multiple levels.

> I did the quick dirty math and figured out a Hamhuis turnover will cost us four losses every season, 20 over the life of his contract. Discuss.

> I don't care how much Sammy shoots; he's death to scoring chances version 2.0. He and Raymond are so far off the mark from last season, and though it was a safe bet Sammy would come back to Earth, it shouldn't have been this bad.

> Watching the pregame warm up is always worth doing if you're at the rink. Sean and I managed to stand right against the boards that Phoenix was using to practice their shots and passes (right next to the penalty box). Pyatt is a friggin beast on skates and Jovocop is now graying. Also cool to see Burrows yapping it up before the game with LaBarbera.

> Hank isn't frustrated? Riiiiight. He hasn't captain long enough to understand how to convincingly lie to reporters yet. It'll come with time. If that's true however, what needs to happen to actually get him frustrated?

> Boy did Rogers get quiet when Luongo went down. I'll admit I hoped he was injured and the switch in net would be beneficial, in the short and long term. Sue me.

> The Canucks forwards had no rhythm at ES which is the worst trend I've seen in this current skid. I barely noticed the third line outside of one Torres hit. Burrows was a non factor. The Sedins had their chances but, again, they're now anchored to version 2.0 so their job got even harder. The Sedins, Kesler, Malhotra to a lesser extent and the fourth line stood out. On defense they all looked pedestrian from row 26, section 107 (thanks again Sean!). Bieksa had his pros and cons, but I thought he played better in the third.

> To the dude on my right at the game: I'm sorry I kicked you and your lady friend is ridiculously attractive. To that end, many women in Vancouver are ridiculously attractive. Please send them down south more often.

> Rogers Arena is very cool, but I've never seen any arena where they physically change the ads on the sideboards immediately after players leave for intermission. Must be tough to have that many advertisers thirsty for airtime.

> Kudos to the Sharks Club who convinced their waitresses to either wear the shortest shorts legally acceptable or to simply work in their underwear. Well done and I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.

> Kidding aside, a big thanks to everyone who showed up on Saturday night. It was incredible to meet bloggers who I've been writing alongside with for years now as well as some of the regular commentators here. Everyone made the weekend worthwhile, far more than the team we were rooting for. A huge heartfelt thanks.

> ...and OK, I take it back. I'll return to Vancouver in a heartbeat. But the second we're losing you all have permission to beat me silly. Doorknobs in a pillowcase silly. If that's what it takes to see them win in person, I'll gladly pay the medical bill.