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On the wings of a duct-taped dream

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Duct TapeSeeing how I'm not the only one out there who isn't giddy as a schoolgirl at the idea that Project Wellwood has (un)officially launched, I figured a public service was needed to find the most frequently injured free agents Mike Gillis should target so we can ensure Vancouver won't win a game until November, half of Manitoba will suit up by December, Luongo will lose his mind by mid-January and Vigneault will be fired by MLK Day (...God Almighty we're free at last!):

Peter Forsberg
The Mack Daddy of the ER, ol' Pete has no shortage of awful things that have happened to him while on the mortal coil that has relegated him to playing in less than 90% of regular season games during the majority of his 13 seasons. The last three years, thanks to TSN, look like:
02-May-08 Missed Game 4 of Round Two against the Detroit Red Wings (back injury).
01-May-08 Groin, day-to-day.
29-Apr-08 Missed Game 1 and 2 of Round Two against the Detroit Red Wings (back injury).
24-Apr-08 Groin, day-to-day.
01-Apr-08 Missed 1 game (groin).
30-Mar-08 Groin, day-to-day.
24-Mar-08 Missed 2 games (groin).
20-Mar-08 Groin, day-to-day.
17-Mar-08 Missed 4 games (groin).
09-Mar-08 Groin, day-to-day.
17-Mar-07 Missed 6 games (upper body injury).
04-Mar-07 Upper body injury, day-to-day.
11-Jan-07 Missed 4 games (groin).
04-Jan-07 Groin, day-to-day.
27-Dec-06 Missed 3 games (concussion).
19-Dec-06 Concussion, day-to-day.
16-Dec-06 Missed 5 games (foot injury/flu).
08-Dec-06 Foot injury, day-to-day.
02-Dec-06 Flu, day-to-day.
24-Nov-06 Missed 1 game (back injury).
22-Nov-06 Back injury, day-to-day.
15-Nov-06 Missed 2 games (ankle injury).
11-Nov-06 Ankle injury, day-to-day.
26-Oct-06 Missed 1 game (left wrist injury).
20-Oct-06 Left wrist injury, day-to-day.
19-Oct-06 Left wrist injury, left Thursday's game.
18-Apr-06 Missed 1 game (groin).
16-Apr-06 Groin, day-to-day.
15-Apr-06 Missed 4 games (groin).
07-Apr-06 Groin, day-to-day.
21-Mar-06 Missed 1 game (knee injury).
18-Mar-06 Knee injury, day-to-day.
01-Mar-06 Missed 8 games (groin).
26-Jan-06 Groin, day-to-day.
25-Jan-06 Groin, left Wednesday's game.
23-Jan-06 Missed 2 games (groin).
18-Jan-06 Groin, day-to-day.
10-Dec-05 Missed 6 games (strained groin).

Michael Peca
Another guy not unfamiliar with the headache of medical paperwork, Peca has had his share of injury difficulties. He's played only one full season in 13 attemps and his recent but lengthy injury run looks a bit like this:
09-Mar-08 Missed 1 game (knee injury).
07-Mar-08 Knee injury, day-to-day.
03-Jan-08 Missed 5 games (concussion).
26-Dec-07 Concussion, day-to-day.
23-Dec-07 Missed 2 games (strained pectoral muscle).
18-Dec-07 Strained pectoral muscle, day-to-day.
23-Nov-07 Missed 6 games (groin).
10-Nov-07 Groin, day-to-day.
10-Oct-07 Missed 2 games (groin).
02-Oct-07 Groin, day-to-day.
09-Apr-07 Missed the last 46 games of the regular season (fractured tibia).
23-Dec-06 Fractured tibia, sidelined indefinitely.
18-Oct-06 Missed 1 game (lower body injury).
14-Oct-06 Lower body injury, day-to-day.
07-Mar-06 Missed 6 games (hip injury).
03-Mar-06 Hip injury, mid-March.
07-Feb-06 Hip injury, day-to-day.
02-Feb-06 Missed 1 game (sinusitis).
29-Jan-06 Sinusitis, day-to-day.
11-Nov-05 Missed 4 games (mild concussion).
02-Nov-05 Mild concussion, day-to-day.

Steve Rucchin
'ol Steve took a shot from Colorado's Ben Guite back in March '07 and missed all of the the '07-'08 regular season with post-concussion symptoms. That's 107 regular and post season games missed in a year and a half. I see no problems here.

Ladislav Nagy
'ol Laddy you'll remember from being a punk in the '07 playoffs. Life wasn't kind to him as a King where he missed the last 34 games of the year with a neck injury. Prior to that he had a nagging hip flexor injury for a few weeks. Couple in his rampant underachiever status and what's not to love?

Gary Roberts
Far be it for me to knock the Pensblog MVP, but ol' Gary's issue is he's a monster who ignores that at age 41 he should be showing his ass crack on a suburban lawn weeding and going to awful craft festivals with his nagging wife while sporting a fannypack rather then skating full speed and crushing guys in their 20's against the end boards. We're not questioning his spirit, just his body's ability to hang in there:
18-May-08 Missed Game 3, 4 and 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals against the Philadelphia Flyers (pneumonia).
13-May-08 Pneumonia, day-to-day.
01-May-08 Missed Game 3, 4 of Round One against the Ottawa Senators and Game 1, 2, 3 of Round Two against the New York Rangers (groin).
14-Apr-08 Groin, day-to-day.
06-Apr-08 Missed 43 games (broken leg).
01-Jan-08 Broken leg, sidelined indefinitely.
27-Oct-07 Cold, day-to-day.
31-Mar-07 Missed 1 game (knee injury).
29-Mar-07 Knee injury, day-to-day.
06-Feb-07 Missed 13 games (hip injury).
02-Jan-07 Hip injury, day-to-day.
20-Mar-06 Missed 19 games (sprained MCL).
03-Mar-06 Sprained MCL, late March.
21-Jan-06 Sprained MCL, sidelined indefinitely.
19-Jan-06 Sprained knee, left Thursday's game.
25-Oct-05 Missed 5 games (groin).

Brendan Morrison
I know it's not fair to pick on a guy who didn't miss a game for damn near a decade, but since we're focusing on injuries what better then a hometown guy with a rebuilt wrist and coming off of major ACL surgery? Plus we'll need someone familiar with...

Todd Bertuzzi and Sammy Pahlsson (traded for the Daniel and Henrik Sedin)
That's right I said it: Get 'ol Bert back! Look we need a power forward and a "star" player right? Where else is Bert still mildly considered each of those? Bingo. Plus he's missed 80 games since he departed B.C. with various back, neck and concussion injuries so he fits the model. And, with Naslund about to jet, it makes perfect sense to keep milking the dead ghost of the WCE for one season longer. Also, since Burke loves the twins and would roll over his mother for them again, what's not to lose? Plus Pahlsson is a quality throw in because he missed 26 games last year with abdominal and hernia injuries.

Martin Rucinsky
C'mon on down ol' Marty! Sure it's been few years since you donned the Orca and gave us a single goal in 13 games, but since then you have missed 102 games (not including the post season) and suffered a separated shoulder through a few months of last year. Excellent.

Jay Pandolfo
What's that you say? We need a fourth line plugger who comes from a defense-first system and - even better - from a team who has had problems scoring over the years while relying heavily on a world-class goaltender to get them out of jams? Oh, and a bonus would be that he missed at least half of last year with, let's say, the old groin injury. Welcome home Pandolfo.

For Zandberg's sake, let's bump Wellwood to the first line, hang on to Kesler (one year removed from missing 45 games with a hip ailment) and plug in Jeff Cowan (missed 25 games last year with injuries) on the fourth line, your Canucks now look like (with Rucchin waiting in the wings in event of inevitable injury):

Bertuzzi - Morrison - Wellwood
Nagy - Forsberg - Roberts
Pahlsson - Peca - Kesler
Rucinsky - Cowan - Pandolfo

Looks great in theory right? And the Canucks will be the only team in the league that could all theoretically be taken out by a small gust of wind. Or a mischievous, prepubescent female ice dancer. Or, in Wellwood's case, practicing indoor soccer.

...and I did all of this stupidity without once mentioning ol' Danny Cloutier. But, come to think of it, we do need a back-up goalie right?

(Note: for those sarcastically-challenged, adding Pandolfo or Roberts are the only moves on this list I would actually support).