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Defiling Roberto Luongo’s Good Name

Why do all NHL players like golf? Seriously, why?Dear Roberto,

I write to send my deepest apologies that, through the magic of that whole internet craze, I have taken it upon myself to sponsor your profile over at Hockey-Reference.com. I did this because (a) it's the latest craze for us bloggers who have nothing to watch except the Red Wings winning; (b) I feel confident you'll be a Canuck all next season which is more then I can say for anyone else on the team; and (c) I feel obliged to support a page that details your career statistics and still helps soothe the wounds left over from the Cloutier/Potvin years.

Sadly, this also means my profuse mixing of alcohol and writing and frequent, obscenity-laced tirades when commenting on Vancouver's poor performance will be linked to your name in this one respect. I regret any public relations issues and/or other future problems related to this new association.

(Though because you're a professional and role model and, as such, can't curse and flip out as much as I can, I table the proposition that I will say outloud what you are not at liberty to say; I will channel your anger into words for the benefit of your fans. For instance, when you see five guys in front of you fall asleep and are left alone to be scored on, you will likely say "We need to play a more complete game" but I will say "FUCK FUCK FUCK". And just like that you will reach a cathartic level of oneness. Deal? Deal.)

I hope your short game has improved this summer. See ya in the fall.

Kindest regards,

-Mike