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As I watch the playoffs I wonder…

...why the hell Jagr chose to have the world's worst facial hair? I the only one who misses Ruutu (and for that matter Cooke)?
...why Mike Milbury looks utterly terrified when NBC shows him between the benches?
...if watching Umberger's performance annoys any other Vancouver fans?
...if Bettman is touching himself at the idea of a Detroit/Pittsburgh final? anyone else hoping Campbell Umbergers someone on Dallas before it's over?
...if Canada will ever get the damn Cup back?
...if Bertuzzi and Naslund are watching the games while golfing together?
...if I will ever see Sakic play again (though I won't miss him making Vancouver his personal bitch)?
...why Vanbiesbrouck is still employed by Versus?
...what pact with Satan did the Wings ink to be so loaded with talent?
...will anyone miss the giant Viagra add behind the nets in Montreal?
...who won the last Mark Messier Leadership award? (just kidding, I don't care) badly the Canucks would have been destroyed in this second round of the playoffs?