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Handicapping A Soulless Playoffs, Round Two

Ugh, I will address Mike Gillis in due time, but for now let's watch with limited passion and checked "huzzah's" the second round of your Stanley Cup playoffs shall we? I was a solid 50% accurate with the first round with the Devils, Wild and Senators deciding to go home leaving me clinging to a Habs/Sharks final. Fingers = crossed.


Montreal V Philadelphia
What will happen: The Habs and Flyers should be over in six with the Habs overcoming the occasional boneheaded move by Price to push themselves into the finals.
What I fear will happen: Price shits himself and the Flyers win in four straight. I see more of Briere and Umberger happy. More closet Flyer fans crawl out of the closet and take to the streets, rivaling the annoyance of their fellow mouth-breathing Eagle fans.
Clutch Guys: Briere, Price, Kovalev

Pittsburgh V New York
What will happen: Ruutu can out-annoy Avery, Crosby/Malkin will out score Jagr/Gomez/Drury and in the end, nothing is going to slow the kiddie Pens from scoring at will and taking the series in six.
What I fear will happen: Lundqvist continues his style of play, Fleury has a bathroom problem and Sabourin can't hold the fort down. Avery kicks his annoyance up a notch by sleeping with Pen's players wives and wearing their underwear on his head. Malkin goes cold while Shanny pulls a Roenick.
Clutch Guys: Malkin, Lundqvist, Gomez


Detroit V Colorado
What will happen: It'd be nice if they beat the shit out of each other, but with Forsberg already out, I won't hold my breath. Detroit is still too deep and I sense a fair number of power play goals sneaking by Theodore. Smyth won't be as effective as Holstrom and Detroit takes it in five.
What I fear will happen: The ice won't unleash a deep scream, cracking open and sending both teams down to the center of the Earth, never to be seen again. Or the Avs win and I have to see those goofy bastards smile.
Clutch Guys: Theodore, Stastny, Holstrom

San Jose V Dallas
What will happen: How Dallas won so convincingly against the defending champs but San Jose barely squeaked by the Flames is beyond me. So I'll respect Dallas more; this will go seven, this will be fun to watch but I refuse to go against the Sharks. It's their year, it's their game seven win and we'll see them in the finals.
What I fear will happen: Turco gets four straight shutouts leading to annoyingly long, recycled stories on how Turco has avenged several years of suckage and is the Conn Smythe winner in the hearts of the Bill Clements of the world.
Clutch Guys: Turco, Ribeiro, Thornton