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…yeah, in the river baby!


You don't want the kitty to eat smoking lead do you?


18:30 - Drinks = Whiskey and beer. Audio = Calm Like A Bomb by RATM. Mood = rather content honestly. The Vancouver/New York liveblog will start when the puck drops.

First Period
19:56 - Right off the bat, Brown and Hollweg chuck the rocks at each other. Brown was better off in the beginning but Hollweg hung in there...for moms in the audience apparently.

16:07 - Kesler just burned down the right side but couldn't the shot off. Great to see #17 out there again and good to know Jagr will have an annoying shadow all night.

14:24 - The first announcement of "Brad Isbister, former Ranger" comes through my speakers. And I sigh a little bit and consume beer drinking.

11:34 - Kes again drives hard to the net after Lui kills off a poorly timed 2-on-1 thanks to a Ranger blocking an Edler point shot. I said a lot there, I hope you followed. Of course you did, you good looking readers you.

10:00 - Malik, ex-Canuck, hooks down Mason Raymond, current Canuck Manchild, and that leads to the first power play of the game.

8:05 - Straka had a clear breakaway but Raymond uses his speed in the opposite direction and helps Lui make a key save at the end of the power play. Still nada-nada.

6:45 - Kesler takes a holding call I believe on Jagr that looked a bit questionable (you'd never know with the Ranger announcers though) but whatever...the Rags get their shot on the man advantage now.

2:15 - Vancouver takes maybe it's sixth shot on net in the period, the majority of which have been from the point. Both teams, honestly, have been doing a fair amount of dumping and chasing.

0:50 - Sam Rosen, the Rangers play-by-play mouth, clearly doesn't recognize the penalty of Jagr putting his own net off the moorings when he sees it. God, I hate the Rangers entire organization. Did I mention Gomez is a prick? He just is, accept it people.

End of the first - I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS...go 'nucks.

Second Period
18:50 - The second starts with the Rangers having good pressure on Luongo. Sadly. Every time I hear the word "Straka" I feel the urge to say the word "Fuckra"...which, when you say it, sounds like bad seafood.

18:07 - Kesler chucks a puck at Valiquette from behind the goal line and Valiquette's stick helps deflect it in. Complete garbage goal, but we'll take the lead in this type of game. 1-0 Vancouver.

16:26 - The PRICKmez takes a shot at Kesler and sits his ass in the box while the Canucks have a great chance to build their lead on a tired Rangers squad.

15:16 - Wow...Blair Betts has some speed on those wheels, catching Krajicek moving slowly and forcing him to take a hooking call.

13:08 - How pathetic is Jagr when Rosen has to get on his knees and verbally blow him just for sticking up for his teammate? Permit me to answer: just a weeeeee bit pathetic. Pam Anderson would agree (she's in the audience, I can reference that damn it all). Anyway, Weaver goes off for holding I think and we get more of Rosen working Jagr's shaft...(sorry for the visual).

11:45 - Rags are outshooting the Canucks 16-7. So, yeah, there you go NYR fans...you got that going for ya.

8:34 - This is basically a Kesler game: he's the only Canuck with speed, he's the only Canuck (or player tonight) to score and now he's made some Ranger with blue eyes to bleed. The (bloody...ha!) Rags get four minutes to be even more aggravating.

7:15 - Cooke just levels anything in blue while PRICKmez comes down the ice with speed and shoots it directly into Luongo's chest. Wow, a couple million is all he costs for a shitty slap shot? Pat yourselves on back guys.

4:20 - Rangers outshooting the 'Nucks 19-7 now. Luongo is going to have to be the man again, the offense is completely sleeping.

4:15 - Hollweg tries to impress mom again...and does so by taking a roughing penalty and putting the Canucks up for two minutes. Well played.

End of the second - I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS...go 'nucks.

Third Period
19:00 - Jagr dings one off the post.

17:47 - Hossa takes a call and the Canucks pathetic offense goes back to the advantage. I think it may be time to just shot from behind the net. Sure, why not.

15:40 - I think I've discovered the Rangers call playbook: when the Rangers shoot, you adequately wet yourself and talk up how amazing the play is. However, if the opposition gets a shot, talk about the bad angle or Jagr's involvement (his actual presence on the ice is naturally unimportant) or the likelihood that the shot was going wide. Then get a stat about the opposition wrong (Kesler getting his RFA contract from Philly in the wrong year) and go back to talking about Jagr or, if need you need a D man, Rozsival. Congrats, you have a future as a Rags voice.

12:13 - I have absolutely no idea why Colton Orr went off. None. I shouldn't complain but I feel like somehow a phantom Canuck call is in the works later in the period.

9:55 - I'd be lying if I said the Canucks were playing good in...well...the past 25 minutes or so. I hate games where they sit back and let the team take it at Luongo. Roberto just scrambled and save shots on what appeared to be PRICKmez and Drury in quick succession (maybe it was Hossa, I can't tell).

6:33 - The Rags kill off a huge power play and go right back on the offense. Kesler drops a like a sack of rocks on a high sticking call (which the Rags announcers don't seem too concerned about) and Valiquette makes a big save on Cooke. Luongo is going to need his God-like powers again as this will be a tight finish.

3:44 - Ugh, this snore fest is slowly grinding to an end with Lui staring at shutout #6.

3:10 - Tyutin jumps up at a bad time! Henrik passes to Daniel and he finds the five hole on Valiquette. It's over folks, 2-0 Vancouver.

2:50 - Malik takes a weak call and the Canucks go back on the power play. May I request another goal just for good measure?

2:23 - Wow...hahaha. Mitchell, ever the Al Iafrate of the group, takes a bomb shot from the point and it looks like MySpace Pyatt tipped it. Regardless, it's a 3-0 score now.

End of the third - I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS I HATE THE RANGERS...go 'nucks.

Post Game: What can you say? Luongo did his thing, Daniel and Kesler did theirs and these two points are Vancouver's. The Rangers played a very solid game but the Canucks got the bounces. See you next year guys and thanks for sparing the kitty! Canucks will tackle the Islanders on Tuesday and end their season series against the Atlantic division.