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Now why the hell are they blinking?!

Drunk SantaA requisite memory from my childhood was this completely random song called the "12 Pains of Christmas". Sure, it may be sort of dated now, but if Bon Jovi can still be around torturing eardrums globally, then so can this song.

While we wait to see the Canucks ice the Sakic/Smyth-less mullets, allow me to attempt some seasonal rhythm on you dear reader:

On the twelveth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

12 more seasons of Lui
11 straight Wild losses
10 Mason
9 new Mo' Ironman seasons
Keenan freakouts
7 new Larscheidisms
6 broken franchise records (c'mon Pinky and Brain, go get 'em)
...5 simultaneous injuries to Chris Pronnnnnnnnngggggggger...
4 rounds of playoffs

3 final seconds of Bettman's tenure
2 new years on
Nazzy's contract
and an end to Kevin Bieksa's injury (stress that last syllable for rhyming purposes)

Clearly, my true love has a fuckton of work ahead of her. Have a great holiday, enjoy eating crap for a few days and by all means crosscheck your in-laws into the egg nog if they get uppity.