clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

If I were a hockey player

Ah, I was tagged by Golbez yesterday to partake in a questionaire called "If I were a hockey player." Thanks for the tag, Jes, the words of Captain Solo: "Here goes nothing!"

If I Were a Hockey Player:

Team: Vancouver Canucks. Yeah, I'm on the wagon! Leafs a very close 2nd.

Uniform Number: 74

Position: Goalie

Nickname: Zany, Cheezie, asshole....

Dream Linemates (teamates): PRESENT: Forwards: Ovechkin, Sakic, and Sundin. PAST: Sittler, Gretzky, Messier.

Rounding out the PP, PRESENT: Kevin Bieksa and Sergei Gonchar. PAST: Borje Salming and Paul Coffey.

Job: Studying players' moves, and stoning every single one of them, especially Crosby. Then I'd yell out to him: "Who's your daddy, Sidney?" or "What's the matter Sidney, gonna cry now?"

Signature Move: Sprawling desperation saves like Hasek does!

Strengths: Size (same as Luongo), speed, never-say-die style.

Weaknesses: Stick-handling with a goalie stick, showing up to practice sober.

Injury Problems? Maybe my lower back as I'd approach 40 years old.

Equipment: Luongo-style no doubt. My mask would have Metallica on it along with skulls.

Nemesis: Crosby, and I'd like to break Ryan Smyth's ankles with my stick, and take the suspension. Same applies to Holmstrom.

Scandal Involvement: Impaired driving, or saying the wrong thing to the press.

Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Toronto Maple Leafs. Then I'd let soft goals in to let them win the Cup! Also, the Ottawa Senators. But I'd wouldn't let them score. Not a chance.

What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Fill the Cup with Cpt. Morgan's Spiced Rum and throw a party here in Smithers. Parade down Main Street. Get a shot of myself with it on top of Hudson Bay Mountain, which overlooks Smithers.

Would the media love me or hate me? They'd love me. I'd create headlines and avoid cliche answers. I'd be honest like Brett Hull, minus the jackass attitude.

Who to about Temujin, John Bollwitt, JJ, and Mike.