Hockey Gods to Vancouver: F@#$ You

"Honey I think the face paint was a bad idea." - Rich Lam

Because of course this is how it all ends.

It wasn't enough that this season was a complete train wreck. But if you ignore the whole lockout thing, the goalie mess, the abundance of injuries which greatly compeled the lack of scoring annnnnnnnnd the sweep which greatly compeled the firing of a coach, then at long last your final insult is here:

Your two hated teams are meeting in the Cup finals.

(I'll wait while you run out of the room to vomit)

Since the world is ending before your very swollen eyes, I can only hope that - as a sexy Vancouver fan - you've developed the proper thick skin necessary to endure having your heart aggressively torn from your body cavity and shown to you seconds before you slip off your mortal coil. If I may quote my preferred source of inspiration: This is like O. Henry and Alanis Morissette had a baby and named it this exact situation.

If you need some assistance remember that one of your hated is going to have their heart crushed on the grandest stage of them all. You know what that feels like right? Besides maybe there will be an ACL tear or two before then. Plus all the finger pointing at the officiating and hatred of the call crew. Hooray!

So now that we've all reluctantly washed ashore on the loneliest island in the world, the last question before we assume the fetal position remains: who you got to win this thing?

Trending Discussions

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Nucks Misconduct

You must be a member of Nucks Misconduct to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Nucks Misconduct. You should read them.

Join Nucks Misconduct

You must be a member of Nucks Misconduct to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Nucks Misconduct. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9355_tracker