Zanstorm: What the hell is going on with Brent Burns being converted to a forward? What line is he playing on and is he succeeding? What the hell is with the beard? Does he need something to catch the food that falls out of his mouth?

Megalodon: Someday people will look back at Burns moving to forward with the same reverent awe as they do at the first man to turn his baseball cap around backwards.

Seriously, Burns' move was one of the catalysts of this season's turn-around for San Jose. The Sharks were desperate for goal-scoring during their prolonged slump, and having Burns on a line with Joe Thornton and T.J. Galiardi has created a reliable scoring threat that gives other teams nightmares. Burns and Thornton are both massive dudes who are exhausting to play against, and Burns planting himself in front of the opposing net, his majestic beard flapping in the breeze, is one of nature's most beautiful sights.

And the beard is a sign of Brent's half-sasquatch heritage, you racist.



Zanstorm: Joe Thornton was getting a bad rap for being a fail in the playoffs in recent years. Why is that fair / unfair?

Megalodon: This isn't really a "recent years" thing. Joe Thornton's been getting this criticism since his Boston days. Someone trying to make the argument that Joe sucks in the playoffs based only on the past few seasons would have a mighty tough time, since he's been one of the highest point producers in the post-season in the league during that period.

Sometimes people think they're smart and try to look at Joe's points-per-game in the regular season and compare that with the playoffs, and since there's a dip they see that as evidence that he's a "choker." The thing is, though, that pretty much ALL players since their points dip in the playoffs, since there are fewer awful teams to abuse and the other teams have time to specifically scout individual players and work to shut them down over a series. Additionally, Joe made the playoffs a few times in Boston as a really young player, often injured and with the weight of a whole team relying on him. If you remove those seasons from the equation, he's been stud in the post-season.

Finally, this is a couple of years old now but it hasn't gotten less true: compare Joe Thornton's points in the regular season and playoffs with, say, Teemu Selanne's. Hoo boy, look at that choker Teemu Selanne! Man, he doesn't get it done when it's all on the line.



Zanstorm: The Sharks, much like the Canucks, are a team that finish high in the standings in the regular season yet can't win the prize in the Playoffs. What is the Sharks' excuse?

Megalodon: The Sharks have been the very best team that hasn't won the Cup in the modern era. And yes, I mean they have been better than the Canucks. Look at this chart and tell me I'm wrong. The Sharks did absolutely everything right building their team but didn't get the luck they needed when it mattered. That's how it goes. You build a team that can compete at a high level, but if you don't get the bounces or you suffer some unfortunate injuries then you aren't going to go all the way.

The Canucks, though, are just chokers.



Zanstorm: Which Canucks player do you despise the most and why?

Megalodon: Daniel Sedin, because I can't stand his stupid face.



Zanstorm: What's your confidence level that the Sharks can beat the Canucks in this series? I mean, the Canucks are going to shoot high on Niemi and embarrass him in this series. Aren't you afraid?

Megalodon: I'm not worried about Niemi. Maybe YOU should worry about Niemi.

At first I figured the Sharks had about a 50-50 chance to win this series. After all, the Canucks finished with just one more win than San Jose, so the teams had to be about even, right? Then I saw this chart of shot differential for all the teams and, well, apparently you guys suck. So the Sharks are probably just going to destroy the Canucks. Sorry.