Canucks At Penguins Preview: Slaughtered

Jamie Sabau
Time Sat. 10:00 AM PST
TV Sportsnet Pac, NHLN-US
Season Series -
Last Meeting
4-3 Penguins, Oct. 6/11
The Enemy Pensburgh Scoring Leaders H. Sedin: 1-9-10
Crosby: 6-8-14

CANUCKS
CATEGORY
PENGUINS
5-3-0 SEASON RECORD 6-1-0
10 POINTS 12
6th CONFERENCE POSITION 1st
Won 2
STREAK Won 3
- LAST 10 -
3-1-0 ROAD RECORD / HOME RECORD 4-0-0
2.88 (11)
GOALS PER GAME AVERAGE 3.86 (2)
2.75 (19) GOALS AGAINST PER GAME AVERAGE 2.29 (8)
0.94 (17) 5 ON 5 GF / GA 1.55 (7)
8.7 (29) POWER PLAY % 28.6 (3)
92.3 (1) PENALTY KILL % 77.3 (24)
51.3 (13) FACEOFF WINS % 54.4 (5)
149 (17) HITS
196 (9)
122 (6) BLOCKED SHOTS 124 (3)
29 (13) MINOR PENALTIES TAKEN 25 (8)
NHL.COM

OK, so the Sabres and Flyers suck. We beat them both. Fruition. Now comes a magnificent test for our beloved Canucks as they take on the Eastern Conference-leading Penguins. Look at the stat table above. The only real shit stat for the Penguins is their penalty kill. So...using mass scientific evidence through hours and hours of studying....this game will be mostly about special teams.

The Canucks will not want to be a step or 3 behind the Pens to start this one. If they take penalties they are likely to get burned. If they can out-hustle Shitsburgh and draw penalties early...well then they had better start scoring on their 29th overall-ranked power play. Jeez! Not exactly confidence-inspiring.

F*** it. If you are a betting person, you take the Penguins to win this one. Hands down. If the Canucks beat these buttheads, they will be the first to do so in Shitsburgh this season, as the Pens are 4-0 at home. Good god...the Canucks have to beat the top team in the East, on their ice, and halt their 3-game winning streak. They have to shut down Sidney Crosby....at 10:00 in the f***ing morning! Are they up for it?

Nope. They are doomed. Put all your $$$ on the Penguins in this one.The Pens have Tanner Glass on their 3rd line so they are clearly the favorites.

That being said....

FUCK YOU PENGUINS I HATE YOU! Oh I pray with the power of David Booth (which is nothing) that the Canucks pound these idiots into the ice.

PROJECTED ROSTERS

CANUCKS

Higgins - Hank - Kesler

Dank - Santorelli - Hansen

Booth - Schroeder - Kassian

Sestito - Richardson - Weise

Garrison - Bieksa

Hamhuis - Tanev

STANTON! - Weber

Luongo

PENGUINS

Kunitz - Crosby - Dupuis

Jokinen - Malkin - Kobasew

Glass - Sutter - Adams

Zolnierczyk - Vitale - Engelland

Orpik - Martin

Scuderi - Niskanen

Olli Maatta - Robert Bortuzzo

Flower

Well, we DO have a Luongo vs Fleury matchup for the race to be Team Canada's goalie in Sochi, right? Oh, you think Flower is a failure? Well prepare to be amazed. You bashers should be eating crow already.

Does this game really matter? Hell yea! Get up, Canucks! Get up and get down!

Damn it I hate the 10 AM PST start. I don't know the Canucks' record on early games like this but I am willing to bet it licks a horses' anus.

However, if the Canucks can pull out a win here, they can silence the poo-poo's and make a statement that they can beat the NHL's "elite".

TRENDS

  • Canucks are 14-5 in their last 19 vs. Eastern Conference.
  • Canucks are 5-2 in their last 7 overall.
  • Canucks are 21-10 in their last 31 Saturday games.
  • Canucks are 2-5 in their last 7 road games vs. a team with a home winning % of greater than .600.
  • Canucks are 2-7 in their last 9 vs. a team with a winning record.
  • Canucks are 0-7 in their last 7 when their opponent allows 2 goals or less in their previous game.
  • Penguins are 5-0 in their last 5 home games vs. a team with a road winning % of greater than .600.
  • Penguins are 17-4 in their last 21 vs. a team with a winning % above .600.
  • Penguins are 46-14 in their last 60 home games.
  • Penguins are 45-15 in their last 60 after allowing 2 goals or less in their previous game.
  • Penguins are 38-14 in their last 52 Saturday games.
  • Penguins are 24-9 in their last 33 vs. Western Conference.
  • Thank you, Covers.com.

YOU MADE MY SHITLIST

Zack Kassian. Done. I'd say David Booth but I am tired of picking on him. I prayed for some enlightenment on his situation but got no answer, which is not surprising. Zack....show me something. ANYTHING MORE FOR FUCKS SAKES. Get on the score sheet. Yea, get on the scoresheet. All you Zack enthusiasts can suck it, because until he puts up the points and shows more than he has, he does not belong in the NHL except on the 4th line or less.

SCORE-PREDICTING WIZARDS UPDATE

Nathaniel Perlow: 3

nucksandpucks: 3

Tengeresz: 3

Coach Ryan: 2

Geordie Nuck: 2

gmonk33: 2

Passive Voice: 2

Tim Burke: 2

Twitchy2010: 2

vancitydan: 2

Vancouverguy: 2

Zanstorm: 2

Brock: 1

Nathan k: 1

VIDEO

The last meeting:

Screw that. THIS was so much better:

Those are the last 2 meetings between these 2 teams.

The title of this preview post has been brought to you by Pantera:

GO CANUCKS GO!

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