2013-2014 Standings Prediction Competition

I can't remember if we ever tabulated last year's guesses but whatever. Here's this year's standings prediction competition. I think it makes sense to do this by division.

Scoring system as follows:
-Predicting the exact position of a team is worth 4 points.
-Being off by one spot is worth 2 points.
-Being off by two spots is worth 1 point.
-Being off by by three spots is worth nothing.
-Being off by four spots is worth (-1) point
-Being off by five, six, or seven spots is worth (-2) points

Tie-breaker: Canucks' point total

Predicting which 4/5 seeds get the wildcard spots won't count for points, but you can always include them for potential future bragging rights.

Anyway I think submissions for this should close say Friday at 5pm Pacific time. By then just about every team will have played so we can all overreact wildly to one game.

Passive Voice's Massive Choices are below. Feel free to copy these winning picks and share in my GLORY come April.


Los Angeles: This is easy. They're good as hell and deep as hell and Quick was as below-expectation last year as he was above-expectation the year before.

San Jose: Basically the only consistent thing in hockey is San Jose having the scariest powerplay unit in the league.

Vancouver (95): Can you even imagine how bad this offence would be if Henrik were to become injured? Try but use caution.

Phoenix (w): "Bryzgalov? We're not gonna commit big money to a 30-something goalie with a middling track record!" [time passes and the decision seems wise] "A 30-something goalie with a middling track record? Will $34m over six years do the trick?"

Anaheim (w): If you look upon the bottom half of the Ducks' roster your soul gets sucked out of your body.

Edmonton: Boldly following the "Colorado Model".

Calgary: For the second time this year the Saddledome will be filled with shit.


St. Louis: The Blues have done this remarkable thing some call "good player getting" and I think they now have many good players.

Chicago: With Dave Bolland gone this team is down to like 8 loathsome and vile pieces of shit.

Detroit: I refuse to acknowledge that Detroit no longer plays in Chicago's/St. Louis' division because I think it's Gary Bettman's worst crime.

Nashville: They basically have Booth-Kesler-Hansen as their top line and then 9 EA Sports-generated names filling out the rest of their lineup.

Dallas: "Ryan Garbutt".

Winnipeg: This pile of shit might actually be the third-best team in the division oh my god.

Minnesota: Imagine committing $100m for a succession of embarrassing first-round defeats.

Colorado: Boldly following the "Edmonton Model".


Pittsburgh: Imagine if you'd told people in July 2009 that the Pens would win three total series over the next four season. Those people would have laughed until their jaws fell off.

Manhattan: There skaters are good and they're goalie is good so I imagine their good.

New Jersey: I maintain trading Schnu was the right decision and I'll feel that way even after he wins the Vezina.

Carolina (w): I shouldn't pick a team that was so bad last year so high in such a tough division but fuck you I'm a grown-ass man I'll do what I want mom.

Washington: I hope Grabbo scores 50 goals this year and the Caps edge the Leafs for a wildcard spot.

Brooklyn: They were legitimately good last year and it wasn't on the back of a crazy goaltending season so I dunno.

Philadelphia: They have SIX defencemen making more than $3.5m not including Chris Pronger. I don't know how they made it under the cap. Not one bit.

Columbus: #Lumbus! #Lumbus! #Lumbus! JK this team fucking sucks.


Montreal: I'm writing this before they baffling lose 6-2 tonight or something.

Ottawa: Very very good also.

A Hypothetical Team Much Resembling Detroit, Were They To Be Placed In This Division: Very very good also.

Boston (w): Very very good also.

Toronto: Very very bad.

Florida: The Panthers are weird because unlike most of the real shitty teams they're full of guys you've heard of.

Buffalo: What lottery in hell did Henrik Tallinder win that he's spent his career bouncing between Newark and Hamilton's gross moldy basement?

Tampa: Keep just wasting Stamkos and Hedman you fucks.

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