Canucks Player Autopsy: Aaron "Freaking" Rome

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Who Is This Guy?

Aaron Rome, God, Aaron Mother F***ing Rome

Position: Whatever position he feels like.

Shoots: Lasers, Left

Height: 6'1"

Weight: 218 pounds of man. Add 5 pounds for testicle weight.

Born: September 27, 1983 in Nesbitt, Manitoba. His mother still claims it was a virgin birth. I still agree.

Drafted: 4th round, 104th overall by the Los Angeles Kings in 2002.

Acquired: Signed as a free agent by the Canucks on July 2, 2009.

What Did He Do?

Besides impregnating women just by looking at them? Rome played in only 43 regular season games for the Canucks in 2011-12. He missed a lot of time due to injury:

-September 25: Wants to be a goalie and breaks his hand. Misses 14 games.

-November 25: Still wants to be a goalie and suffers thumb injury. Misses 12 games.

-March 21: Misses 2 games due to illness..as in...sick of carrying the team on his back.

-March 26: Sprains knee and misses 5 games.

The math: Rome missed 33 games due to injury. Tack that 33 onto the 43 games he played and that means he was a healthy scratch for 6 games. That's how good he is, and how foolish Alain Vigneault is to EVER bench this man.

So, Was He Any Good?

From November 6-13, Rome scored 3 goals and 2 assists in 4 games. Hey. He's Aaron Rome. Of course he's good! In the 43 games he played he scored 4 goals and 6 assists, both career highs. 1 power play goal. A career high! 1 game winner. A career high! Only David Booth had a worse +/- on the team, and that was FLA / VAN combined. Rome was a -4. I think the stats guys are trying to knock him down a few notches. I am calling it right now: the +/- stats are FALSE! Whoever was tabulating was clearly intoxicated. Rome averaged about 15:13 of icetime per game. He could have played more, but he let the other egos on defence have their minutes first.

Know what I really like about Rome?

He hates animals!

Watch as he murders a bear:

Annihilates Coyotes:

Rapes Hawks:

Oh and he has no respect for royalty either:

2 seasons ago: I hear he once took lessons from Randy Savage:

My kind of guy. You plug him into the bottom 6 and he gets the job done. Sure, he gets a lot of hate mail from Canucks fans, but c'mon, it's CANUCKS FANS. They don't know / understand what a world class player is anyway.

But, He Wasn't Perfect Either, Right?

Besides having an identity crisis and trying to make huge glove saves without the proper glove on, Rome was pretty much perfect. Think of it this way: Rome sacrificed his piano playing career by blocking shots with his hand to keep the puck out of the net and OUR Vancouver Canucks in games. Selfless. I am at a loss for words. His generosity brings tears to my eyes.

So, What Now?

I'm buying a Rome jersey, so Mike Gillis had better sign him, as he becomes an unrestricted free agent on July 1. If he signs here, he'll take his usual cut in pay for the better of his team because, you know, that's what God does. I mean, he could go sign on Long Island for over $3 million per season, but Rome is not a me-first kinda guy. Rome was paid $800,000 last season.

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Ahhh, good times!

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