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Ask Smuggie: Smug Nation answers your pressing questions about the Canucks

Each week, Smug Nation allows Smuggie out of his cage of arrogance and irreverence to check his fan mail and answer your questions about the Canucks. Have a question for Smuggie? Email us at sn.smugnation(at)gmail(dot)com! And you can always visit Smug Nation at www.smugnation.com for the latest in Canucks-focused preening smuggery.

Dear Smuggie,

I’m hoping you can give me some advice. Now that the Canucks have failed again, I'm expecting tickets to be cheaper next season. When the Canucks are trailing late in a game, I like to start heading for the exits so I can beat the traffic. Trouble is, a lot of other ticketholders do the same thing. Do you know of any driving shortcuts out of the downtown core? Also, can you recommend a babysitter that offers discounts if you’re home by 10?

Sincerely,

Matt in Fraserview



Dear Mark,

When a team has won a game, they often celebrate in the dressing room by listening to music. Many teams even have a favourite victory song they go to again and again. Do you know what song they never listen to? Whitesnake’s "Here I Go Again on My Own." This is because the Canucks are a team, and since you no doubt refer to them as "we" on a regular basis, maybe it’s time you started doing your part for the team.

Have you ever heard someone leave a game and say, "Man! They were up by a goal and then they didn’t allow the other team to score. It was the most exciting thing ever!"? No. Because that’s not the most exciting thing ever. The most exciting thing ever is when your team is down a goal, draws energy from the excited home crowd, and scores a goal to tie the game. It’s pretty hard to draw energy from some guy making his way home along Cambie while trying to remove his St. Patty’s Day-edition Canucks jersey with "The O’Markster" stenciled on the back. Sit down in that seat. If you can watch them win, you can watch them lose.

Also, I recommend taking Hastings. Smug Nation offers very reasonable babysitting rates. Is food included?

Yours forever,
Smuggie


************

Dear Smuggie,

While I’m sad about last night’s upset, once you’ve won the Presidents’ Trophy, no one can take it away from you. I’d like to get a regular season championship t-shirt to wear with pride on my trip to New York this summer. Y’know, show those Rangers fans who’s boss. Do you know where I can find one?

Yours truly,
Amy in Terrace


Good question Alice,

Of course there’s a President’s Trophy shirt, available online! Even better, the Canucks have released a limited edition #$@#-tonne of President’s Trophy hats that are available from the team store. I’d get in there quick, because it’s only a matter of time before they run out... of shelf space and end up shipping these to needy countries. With regard to the shirt, I recommend making your own so you don’t keep running into all the other people who bought this same one. I know Tyler has enjoyed sporting his homemade "Northwest Division Champions 2005-06" tank top at the beach for years! Might we suggest a "Canucks Scored 7 Short-Handed Goals in 2011-12" hoodie?

Yours in time,
Smuggie


************

Dear Smuggie,

Love Smug Nation’s work! Keep it up! The Canucks seem to keep getting pushed around by bigger teams in the playoffs, and I think that’s why they lost to the Kings in 5. What can they do to show a little more grit out there?

Thanks,
John in West Van



Thanks Jim,

We love stuff too!

We wholeheartedly agree that the Canucks need to be bigger and tougher. We feel a Kesler-for-Malone trade would benefit the team greatly, adding at least 3 inches to the lineup and a few more penalty minutes to boot. We were really glad to see that Aaron Asham wasn’t letting Brayden Schenn push anyone around in the Pittsburgh-Philadelphia game with that cross check. No doubt that put the scare into Philly, which is what allowed Pittsburgh to come back and take Game 3-- Wait. They still lost the game? And they allowed a goal on the 5-minute powerplay? Hmm... Well at least Schenn thought twice from then on when he got on the ice with Asham-- Oh. Asham got suspended and wasn’t around to help much for the rest of the series... Where was I? Oh yeah! The Canucks need to be grittier. Also, scoring more goals might help too.

Hugs,
Smuggie



Last week on SmugNation.com:

  1. Since the Canucks can't be bad, they must be unlucky
  2. Tyler was wrong, Wrong, WRONG with his playoff predictions
  3. What AV and Gillis were telling us by starting Coy Schneider
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