Anne-Marie Sorvin-US PRESSWIRE - Presswire
Boys, girls, children and super-intelligent hockey loving apes! The Canucks (fake) season starts tonight! That's the good news. The bad news is that Canucks fans mobbed a girl via social media last night. Yikes!
How's everyone on this gloomy Thursday? Sure it looks like shit out there, but hockey starts tonight! Well...sort of. If the NHL players weren't locked out by the owners, we'd be watching the Canucks walk all over the Edmonton Oilers. However, since that is not likely to change in the near future, we have Wyatt Arndt's fake season to enjoy!
>> Wyatt "I told you to never call me Sue" Arndt has taken things up a notch. Tonight's fake season opener against the fake Edmonton Oilers will be live streamed! Yep, you read correct. Now you can watch as the fake Canucks take on the fake Oilers!
>> Tune into the team1040 at 12:15 today when Wyatt checks in about his fake season. This fake stuff is getting fake serious!
>> If that's not enough for you (and really it should be, the guy has gone above and beyond for all of us hockey starved fans) you can vote on trade offers that come in as the fake season rolls along! Anyone want Jovo back on the team? Well, you can vote on it!
>> Canucks fans showed their fuck ugly side last night when they took to twitter to voice their collective displeasure with a young girl who had publicly marked her love for Justin Bieber. Unfortunately for the young girl it was on a pillar that was covered with messages about late Canuck, Rick Rypien. Thomas Drance at Canucksarmy.com breaks down what happened.
>> If that wasn't enough, it also made its way to Deadspin.com
>> From yesterday, Dale Weise has signed to play hockey overseas. The Canucks sometimes tough guy is headed for the Dutch Pro League.
>> Jason Botchford wonders why Alex Edler is being so evasive. Probably misses his old glasses.
>> Bieksa and Sedin are pissed off at scalpers trying to make a profit off of a charity game. Rightfully so, scalpers are known to be blood sucking ticks.
The Other Guys:
>> In what is probably the weirdest thing I've seen reported since the lockout, LA KIngs insider Rich Hammond (@lakingsinsider) has been told to stop interviewing players during the lockout.
>> On what should have been opening night for the NHL, the PA and the league will resume talks today. It would be nice if this whole shitty lockout could end really soon. As nice as it will be to have a fake season, I'm sure Wyatt and the rest of us would trade it for a real one any day.
>> Daniel Alfredsson is past being frustrated and doesn't see anything changing any time soon. Thanks for the renewed sense of optimism, douche.
So there you have it. We have a fake season starting tonight in place of the real one. Alex Edler has become some sort of evasive spy and Canucks fans kind of punch themselves in the eye with this whole defacing of a memorial. This is the news everyone. Get used to it.