FanPost

Self-Defence: The Way of Mar-Chan

Or: Enter The Asshole

A look at the Ancient Art of Mar-Chan and how it applies to modern day unarmed combat.

Self Defence. It means different things to different people. For some it means the protection of your Home and Nation in the face of outside aggression.

PosterbORAT

(The Russian means "Organise Self-Defence groups for your homes", Homes.)

For others it's about protecting your person, and those near to you in more individual hostile situations. Like a Bruins press conference.

kick

For still more, Self Defence is about teaching yourself discipline and restraint. And moving really, really slowly.

TAI SCOTT

But for some, more enlightened individuals, Self Defence is a means of pure expression, of defining yourself utterly. Of knocking the other guys brains around.

So, we are proud to present the amazing Art of Mar-Chan.

Picture the scene. There you are, minding your own business over by the corner. Suddenly you glance up..

ninja sami

OH NO!! It's SA-LO, Master Ninja of Evil.. and he's about to chop off all your limbs dragon kick you in the balls challenge you for the puck!!

Luckily you are a Master of Mar-Chan and can easily defend yourself against attack by Blood-Crazed Finns!!

First: Get as low as you can go (actually, it's better if you go even lower in the media later)

Marchand-Salo-hit1

Then, using opponents own weight, velocity (and tendency to get injured by a strong wind) against him..

APTOPIX Canucks Bruins Hockey

Congratulations! Now while your foe is being helped to the Quiet Room you can leave the arena to the cheers of your loyal followers, safe in the knowledge that you have saved the day and there's no way anything bad is going to happen to your comrades in, oh, say, the next five minutes.

MAR-CHAN!! Way Of The Flaming Douchebag!!

advert

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

Join Nucks Misconduct

You must be a member of Nucks Misconduct to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Nucks Misconduct. You should read them.

Join Nucks Misconduct

You must be a member of Nucks Misconduct to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Nucks Misconduct. You should read them.

Spinner

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9355_tracker