Or: Enter The Asshole

A look at the Ancient Art of Mar-Chan and how it applies to modern day unarmed combat.

Self Defence. It means different things to different people. For some it means the protection of your Home and Nation in the face of outside aggression.

(The Russian means "Organise Self-Defence groups for your homes", Homes.)

For others it's about protecting your person, and those near to you in more individual hostile situations. Like a Bruins press conference.

For still more, Self Defence is about teaching yourself discipline and restraint. And moving really, really slowly.

But for some, more enlightened individuals, Self Defence is a means of pure expression, of defining yourself utterly. Of knocking the other guys brains around.

So, we are proud to present the amazing Art of Mar-Chan.

Picture the scene. There you are, minding your own business over by the corner. Suddenly you glance up..

OH NO!! It's SA-LO, Master Ninja of Evil.. and he's about to chop off all your limbs dragon kick you in the balls challenge you for the puck!!

Luckily you are a Master of Mar-Chan and can easily defend yourself against attack by Blood-Crazed Finns!!

First: Get as low as you can go (actually, it's better if you go even lower in the media later)

Then, using opponents own weight, velocity (and tendency to get injured by a strong wind) against him..

Congratulations! Now while your foe is being helped to the Quiet Room you can leave the arena to the cheers of your loyal followers, safe in the knowledge that you have saved the day and there's no way anything bad is going to happen to your comrades in, oh, say, the next five minutes.

MAR-CHAN!! Way Of The Flaming Douchebag!!