"NEED. MOAR. GOALS."
It's Tuesday. It's late at night. I have to work early in the morning. Which can only mean one thing? This can of coke has to keep me powered for the next hour as I construct a pantheon of words for you to travail through on your Tuesday morning! Regard this post like you did when you saw the new Indiana Jones...curiosity that quickly turns to mounting horror that you force yourself to swallow and forget about based on your respect for my past work.
Alas, I do not have any Aaron Rome jokes tonight. I feel sick to my stomach about it, I won't lie. That being said, let us all bask in the glory of LAZER RAFFI and get on with the stories!
Also, apparently the Province headed back to work today because they pumped out a lot of articles. And in the Summer Links world, this is what we refer to as "OH DEAR GOD YES SWEET SWEET CONTENT."
- Alex Edler broke some fingers in the finals. We all knew this. What we didn't know? Some of the fingers still haven't fully healed yet. Apparently my plan of turning Edler into a real life Robo-Cop was denied, and they decided to stick with conventional medicine. Whatever. [The Province]
- Another broken Canuck has mended his wings and is quickly getting back into game shape. Mikael "Sweden can go **** themselves" Samuelsson is recovering nicely from the litany of surgeries he had in the off-season. When I asked if penile enhancement was one of the surgeries had in the off-season, Mikael promptly told me to "go **** yourself". Samuelsson was then told they were out of coffee at the breakfast buffet table, and he told them "That's too bad." [The Province]
- Iain Macintyre talks about the Canucks shortened season and wonders if the dreaded Stanley Cup Final hangover will affect the Canucks. As Samulesson and Edler are the only Canucks in town now, aside from Sturm, the majority of the quotes in this story come from these two. And since I already used up my Samuelsson and Edler jokes already, I will just awkwardly back out of the room now.... [The Province]
- The boys at the Kurtenblog go over the players that need to make the most out of their opportunities. Aaron Rome is expected to make at least one breakout pass that doesn't go straight to the opposition. YES. Rome joke! Yes! Yes! Yes! [The Province]
- Do you ever look at math equations and get slightly aroused? Do you ever see barely discernible patterns and just lose your mind over them? Then do I have the post for you! Our very own Cam Charron breaks down and describes what I can only assume is the formula for how to enter the Matrix as he breaks down the plus minus category into worlds I never thought existed. [Canucks Army]
- Want to travel down the history of the Canucks? Want to weep at all our glorious losses? Well look no further than "TheySlayedTheDragon" which is doing 40 seasons in 40 days! If you read one link, make it this one, it has some good history in here. [TheySlayedTheDragon]
- Hey! A trade! A trade! The Flames trade 4.5 million dollars and local handyman Daymond Langkow to the Coyotes for Lee "Deadline Fodder" Stempniak! Remember when Blues fans told us Stempniak was worth far more than Raymond or Bieksa? Ah, good times. Almost up there with Montreal fans insisting the Kostitsyn brothers had a higher upside than the Twins. Anyways, for those of you hardcore fans who managed to miss this trade, read the details here. [NHL.COM]
- Want to read up on our bitter rivals the Hawks? If you feel you can manage to keep your breakfast down while you read all about them, give a gander over at ESPN Chicago. [ESPN]
- Don Cherry assures us that the Queen will be well represented at the Jets home opener. "Are you kidding me? If there ain't no "WE WILL ROCK YOU" at that game then the Russians have won!" screams Don Cherry at a passing cloud. [Toronto Sun]
Off the Stanchion Link:
- I truly don't even know what to say about this one. Is the monster...hurting the other monster? Helping him? WHAT'S THE STORY HERE?!!? [Stuf'd]
Video of the Day:
A Dallas fan has his entire week made as Naslund fails on a penalty shot against Turco. Psst, heads up buddy, Naslund managed to bring the puck with him this time. That's called a win my friend. Suck on that buddy.
Turco stops Naslund's penalty shot (via slvrwhispr)