And Boom Goes the Dynamite (Now with more Crosby fantasy hockey confusion)

"Oh crap, where should I take Crosby??" has probably been uttered several thousand times by now as people scramble to get a gauge on just how healthy Sidney is. The media made it seem like Crosby JUST missed playing in Vancouver, but god knows how true that is. What does this mean for us fantasy hockey folks? It means many of us have to hazard a guess as to how good Crosby is feeling. And seriously, without Dr. Recchi around to diagnose league wide concussions for us, this seems hardly fair. I can only pray that Dr. Recchi will still consult with the NHL. Do it for the fans, Mark.

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Since there is a distinct lack of hockey action today, and because I missed doing a Monday article (I hear Kent was particularly broken up about this), let's play a game. A game that involves you opening your mouth. In shock over my Stars and Failures of the pre-season! YAY!

Stars:

Cody Hodgson/Godson: Dude stepped up. That last game against the Oilers, Hodgson played like his life was on the line. And with the cameras not showing AV at all times, it very well could have been, assuming AV took the AK off of Ballard long enough to point it at Coho. Regardless, Cody had himself a great game to cement himself on this team for the time being. Granted, "play better than Andrew Ebbett" isn't the highest bar in the world to set, but it is a bar, and Hodgson managed to leap over it, clunky skating and all. How long will Cody stay with the team? God knows. He could sneeze the wrong way and AV will find a way to get Tanner Glass back on the team somehow, but for now, at least, Cody has made the team and looked good doing so.

Maxim "Maximus" Lapierre: I'm still not over that fight he had with Theo Peckham. I don't care if he lost the fight, he managed to land in a few good punches and stood up for himself after a poor start to the fight. (That tends to happen when your opponent unloads on you with the ref in between you). The crowd started chanting his name and it became electric in that building (Which is why I will never want fighting out of hockey, for moments like those). "Are you not entertained??" screamed Lapierre in my head as he went to the box that night. It was one of my favorite highlights of the pre-season by far.  Aside from that scrap, though, Lapierre has managed to play some damn good hockey as well. Whenever he played with the prospects he looked like a man amongst boys. And while many of you think that should of course be the case, some established players manage not to do this. Lapierre is still making it hard for me to picture him being stuck on the 4th line all year instead of the 3rd, and I am probably most excited about watching Lappy on our bottom 6 out of any other player to see what he can do with a full year. He was the best player during exhibition in my humble opinion. (For doing his role well. I am not arguing that Lappy is better than Henrik. Only Daniel. We all know Daniel is the weak link.)

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Roberto Luongo: He only had two games. Yes, I know this. But damnit, Luongo needs some love now before the media shit storm hits him like it always does when the regular season starts. Besides, he looked really solid in that game against the Oilers. Which is nice to see because we usually see none of that from Luongo until November. So let's hope this year, Luongo shakes off the infamous October Uglies, and manages to ride a hot start to the season all the way to a Vezina trophy. /fangirlmode

Henrik Sedin: I just want to piss of Daniel and make him question why he wasn't a star of the pre-season.

Keith Ballard: For not getting benched during pre-season. Baby steps, folks, baby steps

Chris Tanev: For being so damn cool under pressure, you'd swear he had a cigarette hanging from his mouth (to steal a line from Bieksa). Also, the longer Tanev sticks around, the longer I can go "HEY REMEMBER FANNER GLASS. GOD HE SUCKED. HOW DO YOU MISS THAT GOAL?" And for also reminding us that we used to draft people like Chris McAllister. I'll never forget that Pat Quinn. Never.

 

 

Failures:

Mikael Samuelsson: Why? Because I can never tell what time of the season it is by watching you play. Mikael "Mr. Pre-season" Samuelsson plays at one speed, and one speed only. And not to say that isn't an effective style for him. But I can't help but laugh when he looks like he gives as much effort in pre-season as he does in the playoffs. Dude is consistent, I'll give him that.

Marco Sturm: I have no faith in you whatsoever. I think you will be a sub par top 6 player who will feel the wrath of the fans when you continuously fail to produce. I pray that I am wrong, but nothing you did in the pre-season got me excited.

Daniel Sedin: You're kind of embarrassing your brother out there. Pick it up a notch, eh?

Cory Schneider: You didn't get three shutouts. You disgust me.

Ryan Parent: What happened to you?? I bragged to all my friends when we got you. You recently played in the Stanley Cup Finals. Now look at you. I think it's best if we spend some time apart from each other. We both need to figure ourselves out. You can go stay in Chicago.

 

There we have it. I honestly don't have too many concerns at this point (The 2nd line is my only real concern), but I assume in one month's time I will be freaking out and screaming for Kesler to come back as soon as possible. Until then, Cody, the keys to the Jag are all yours. On to the news and notes!

 

Vancouver Canucks:

 

  • As Cam goes through his Lady Gaga artistic phase, we shall all make sure to call him Tinfoil Touque and praise his fashion sense. But aside from fashion sense Tinfoil Touque can also write one sweet article, and that is what he has blessed us with today. Wait, I just realized.....Tinfoil Touque = TT. What other hockey player = TT? You sicken me. Anyways, that jerk TT has written a NW Division preview where he goes over what hair products Matt Duchene must use,  Jarome Iginla's favorite twilight character, and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins potential date of reaching puberty. My favorite part of the article is the fact the Minnesota Wild preview is the shortest part. Because they're boring. And always will be. Read more at [Canucks Army]
  • Alex Sulzer had a connection to the Lokomotiv tragedy, explained by Ian Walker over at the Sun.  [Vancouver Sun]
  • Want proof that Vancouver is hockey mad? The twitter world caught fire yesterday as word got out that Hodgson had been given number 9 for this season. "Will it make him faster??" wondered MrsHodgson2919. "Will he grow out his hair now??" pondered NucksROCK123. "Does he share the same problem of smelly feet like myself??" pondered smellslikecheese939. Demands of confirmation of the news was the best part for me, because even though it's just a number change, people still need verification. We are a good hockey market. Hodgson mumbles something about Modano as to why he likes number 9 then says number 9 is cool or something. Hodgson seemed unimpressed but more emphatic writers played up the symbolism of him leaving a high number behind as a symbol of him making it to the Show. Read more at [Vancouver Province]
  • Chris Tanev gets the gentle stroke of kindness from Elliott Pap as we all marvel how cool, calm and under control Chris is. I for one can't wait to see how many metaphors people come up with for Chris's calm demeanor this year. Or when they run out of the easy metaphors, how complex the new ones get. "Chris is like a cucumber amongst tomatoes. He looks green, but deep down, he is more red that any tomato out there." I assume this would be Kevin Weekes doing this one. [Montreal Gazette]
  • Because I get a kick out of people freaking out at me for linking Bleacher Reports, I am going to do it again! Read a concise (oh so concise. Very very concise.) article on why the Canucks will repeat as Northwest Division champions! I'm no expert, but this article seems to pretty much be law at this point. Celebration! [Bleacher Report]
  • Want another article that will tell you absolutely nothing that you didn't already know already about the Canucks? Boom. Got you covered. Useful for any non-Canuck fan, this article will simply re-affirm the spelling of players names for you hardcore Canuck fans in this inspection of our roster. [Hockey Writers]
  • SELF PROMOTION TIME: Canucks pick up Dale Weise on waivers today from the New York Rangers. Just who is Weise? LOOK TO MY BLOG TO FIND OUT! [Off the Stanchion]

 

NHL News and Notes:

 

  • In what I sense to be a common theme for this season, the Shanaban has become a popular topic to cover. For a good review of the impact of the Shanaban so far (Including the origins of the Shanaban. It involves a meteor from the sky and the blessing of an angel) go over to [Chronicle Herald]
  • Want to track down Sheriff Shanny's actions? Want to know the date, time and result of a Shanaban? For all those people running their brand new Shanaban pools, you will want to bookmark this page that tracks all of the Shanabans that occur in the NHL. Not included: The Shanabans that Shanny gives his wife for not putting enough salt in the chili. [Shanabans]
  • Mike Milbury is back to being Mike Milbury. He rambles about pink hats and openly wonders if the Bruins would have won the cup had the game been called the way it's been called this pre-season. Now, I don't want to shock you so early in the morning, but SHOCKINGLY, Milbury would not have been pleased had the Bruins not won the cup last year. He loved the way they hit everything that moved. Yup. It's cool when Boston gets all dirty and stuff. But if Vancouver does it? My god, get out the tazers and shotguns, it's time we clean this game up. **** you Milbury. I say that with no respect for you whatsoever. [NESN]
  •  Chris Campoli is upset that Malone wasn't suspended. Due to the severe nature of the Shanaban's so far, you just know there will be a ton of outcry when no one gets suspended, so expect much more of this as the season wears on. In Shanahan's defence, Campoli often makes mistakes, so it's hard to take him at his word. What mistake you ask? Oh, just this one:

Alex Burrows 2-1 OT Goal - Chicago Blackhawks @ Vancouver Canucks 2011 Quarterfinals Game 7 (CBC) (via playnetvideos)

  • Mark "Should I pick him in my pool?" Scheifele signed his first pro contract yesterday, leaving many people to wonder "Which team will he sign with once he wants to escape Winnipeg? [Toronto Sun]
  • Damian Cox proves that being a terrible writer and journalist doesn't have to stop you from getting paid, as long as you create controversy. Cox does his usual attack upon Vancouver, and since I promised to never, ever, link to anything that Cox ever writes, instead here is an article about Fabio and how depressingly rich he is. I share this article to prove that even a terrible story about Fabio is better than a Damian Cox article. [FABIO!]
Tweet of the Day:

This goes to several people as they discuss and make fun of Johnny Toews, a favorite past time of mine. One of the people in this tweet is NM's very own Kent. Think of this as a kind of stroking of our own egos. A public masturbation if you will. Wait, no, that is a terrifying metaphor....

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