And Boom Goes the Dynamite (I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack)

I was going to use a picture of a Canuck scoring a goal from the St. Louis game OH WHOOPS CAN'T DO THAT. Jerks.

Did you miss me?? Don't be a dick, just pretend you did. I am back with another installment of some kick ass hockey links and news. No TSN comments today as even I would probably be trashing the team right along with them at this point. In fact, I might even be tempted to trade the Canucks for St. Louis. THE CITY. 

...

What do you mean someone already did that article?? nucksandpucks?? Bastard!

Fine, ignoring that, can we talk about the baseball game last night? I know many of you probably don't follow baseball. Many of you probably hate and fear baseball and assume, possibly correctly, that the Simpsons episode of Major League Baseball watching over us was pretty accurate.

 

Mark_medium

 

Be that as it may, last night's game was insanity. Then add a cup of more insanity. Then punch yourself in the face to add an extra pinch of insanity. Then weep that you have to repeat this twenty times to even begin to get close to the insanity of last nights game. I won't bore you with details since those that know of it already analyzed the shit out of it, and those that don't won't care, but basically the hockey equivalent was game six, Stanley Cup finals, but instead of Boston having their way with us, we have a 2-0 lead with 30 seconds left, they tie it up with 15 seconds left, we take a 2 goal lead AGAIN with 10 seconds left, they tie it AGAIN with 5 seconds left, then they score with 1 second left to win the game. Sadly, as a Canuck fan, I actually told myself "Well at least the Canucks didn't lose like that."

I'm telling you, Luongo did us all a favor losing terribly like that. No need to re-analyze a game in which you lose by four or more goals. You simply lost that game. But lose a game you were seconds away from winning? That shit hurts. 1994. Nathan Lafayette. YOU'LL NEVER BE FORGIVEN.

Anyways, my favorite part of the night had to the be high five done by someone from the Texas organization when they were 1 out from winning it all. They did that angry high-five you do in sports, you know the high-five you do, when you think you've finally put one over on the sporting gods? You almost say "FUCK YEAH! In your face sporting gods, we've got this one! Eat it!". When it happened in the 9th inning I knew the game was over. You just don't do that and get away with it. You know the last time I did an angry high five was? Game 7 against Minnesota in 2003 when Bert made it 2-0. I did the angriest high five you've ever seen, and then I gave the Wild bench the finger, and screamed "We've got this!!" over and over again. I've regretted it to this day. Lesson of the day: Don't angrily high five in the face of the sporting gods.

Anyways, I've been gone so long I'm rambling, let's head into the daily news!

 

Vancouver Canucks News:

 

  • Kind of Canuck related, but more about the Province blogging job (Can you tell it's late, I didn't even try and hide my blatant sell job). The Province is replacing the Kurtenbloggers who have since left the Province to go teach NBC about "that frozen water shit we see people on Saturday mornings", leaving a giant hole in the Province Sports world. Since I have never yet met a hole I didn't want to enter.....ok wait, that's horrifying. Since I think I can be a good replacement, I put my hat in the ring to become the new blogger for the Province. Since then I have made the final 15 bloggers, and will be trying anything I can to win this contest, nothing short of murder. Well, I will murder if need be. Ok I've already murdered. The point is, if you like my stuff, vote for me! If you don't like my stuff, then GET OUT. Read more at [Province Sports]
  • This is really awkward....I write for Canucks Army now too. So not only do I pimp my Nucks Misconduct stuff there, I pimp my Canucks Army stuff here. I feel like I'm cheating on two girls but telling them all about it when I get home. Regardless, if you missed it, I started up the first of my soon to be weekly colum, "Questions from a Stanchion". It's an actual article that utilizes NO photoshop at all. I know, I know, I was shocked as well. Read it at [Canucks Army]
  • Not to double pimp Canucks Army, but fellow writer Jeff Angus (As well as competitor in the Province contest. So don't like him too much. HEY! Stop giving him the eyes.) has a great article on Joseph LaBate, and uses David Backes as a reference point for his potential. Which of course means he will end up with a girlfriend named Kelly. Who I hear is a great gal. [Canucks Army]
  • So I held up my end of the bargain and kept the Luongo articles away from you guys for three whole links. But the minute I stepped back to Mainstream Media.... Here is Ben Kuzma who had a chat with Dar.....really? Darren Pang. Darren Pang gives tips to Luongo on how to fix his game. Christ. That's like having a rash of murders break out in your neighborhood then inviting Freddy Kruger over to explain how to stop the murders. Read more at [Province Sports]
  • The Vancouver Sun says stats are for losers and that anyone who likes stats should probably just go jump off a cliff. At least that's what I assume the title of this article is leading up to. [Vancouver Sun]
  • What, no Bleacher report on who has the best wrist shot?? Damnit. Well, instead you can find out that David Booth will be on After Hours this week where Scott Oake will try his best to not get confused by every answer Booth gives. "Wait, wait, wait, so you're saying you skate backwards?? What?? Why would you ever want to go backward?? Aren't you afraid of going back in time??" [CBC]
NHL News and Notes:
  • Taylor Hall's Twitter account got hacked. And when they say hacked, they mean "Hall is a dumbass who probably forgot to log off somewhere." No hack here. Just Hall is an idiot. I bet you anything. Kudos to the "hacker" for taking a dump on Oilers fans though, well played. Kind of sounds like Samuelsson hacked his account to be honest. [lfpress]
  • I wish I could link every article to that INSANE Flyers Jets game from last night, but I will choose just one. I probably could have made every link about that game last night. Jets go up 6-2, let the Flyers back in to tie it 6-6, then the Jets trade goals and finally manage to win 9-8. Pavelec had to go back into the game he was yanked from when Mason went down with a groin injury. It was insanely bad/awesome hockey. Bawesome hockey. Give it a read at [Globe and Mail]
  • Kyle Turris announces he wants a trade. In other shocking news, I announce I like boobies. [lfpress]
  • Puck Daddy actually goes into it better than that last link I used, but I already made my boobie joke, so I am stuck with it. So if you want to read more about Kyle Turris than you've probably ever read in the last three years, you can read PD's take on the whole thing. [Puck Daddy]
  • In a game Mark Lee is calling "The greatest game of all time, my god, Nugent Hopkins, more like Mark Lee wants-ins", the Oilers managed to beat the Caps 2-1, handing the Caps only their second loss on the season. I am saddened the Capitals won't get 81 wins, but here's hoping they still get 80. [NHL.COM]
  • Tony Gallagher weighs on on strikes and how much they suck. [Province Sports]
  • Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, they letting erbody coach out here....Marc Crawford is given the reigns to the Spengler Cup. Ie that tournament you flip to thinking it's the World Junior replays or something until you see the god awful advertisements all over the players. All of a sudden Hnat Domenichelli is on your screen passing to Josh Holden and Nathan Smith and you scream in agony trying to get away from the painful memories....Yeah, that Cup. [CBC.CA]
  • Having suffered a serious eye injury myself in life, this is no laughing matter. But I couldn't help but laugh at Chris Pronger. Karma sucks dude. Anyways, he's going to be fine, or else I wouldn't be laughing, because eye injuries are terrifying. But there is something satisfying about seeing the dick who elbowed people into retirement having to suffer a little bit himself. Anyways, the visor debate apparently rages on now because it was Pronger who was hurt and not some scrub like Malholtra. [Sports National Post]
  • Father and Son claim Hockey Hall of Fame robbed them at gun point!...is how I would run this if I was the TMZ of Canucks hockey, as someone on twitter claimed I was last week. So instead I will say a father and son are upset they didn't read the fine print as they find out the jerseys they donated, no longer belong to them.[Winnipeg Free Press]
  • An AHL overhaul? Apparently having almost every single AHL team being east coast based isn't that cool for half the league, so they are looking to creating a more western based presence in the AHL. Things were so much simpler back in the Syracuse Crunch days... [TSN]

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