Before the Canucks' main camp gets started I'll a) give Missy a bit of a break b) try to keep you up to date with as many NHL news links as possible.

• Updated (9:22 AM): From Bob McKenzie on Twitter: This from a member of the Burns family: "Pat is surprised to learn he's dead." Pat Burns, as of this moment, is still alive. What a lousy false rumor to start your day. Thanks, asshole on Twitter.
• Updated: The Stars have signed RFA's Matt Niskanen and James Neal (Defending Big D.)
• The Ducks have signed UFA Paul Mara to a 1-year $750,000 deal. I used to wish for him to get signed here but then realized he is the equivalent of Sami Salo in regards to injuries. Plus his +/- is atrocious. While the Quacks gain a D-man in Mara they may lose one in Toni Lydman for at least training camp. He is suffering from double vision. That's not a bad thing for Lydman. At least now, in his eyes, he'll score 40 points instead of 20.
• Aww..how cute. Looks like Sidney Crosby is finally moving out of Mario Lemieux's house. Poor kid. Now he has to play Super Mario all by himself at night.
• Chicago signs coach Joel Quenneville to a 3 year extension. Amazing how only a couple of seasons ago the Blackhawks terminated Denis Savard as head coach so early in the season and now look how far they came. Well, here's to (hopefully) 3 lousy years behind the Chicago bench Joel! (And no, your demonic stare doesn't scare me).
• Lousy economy. Lousy team. Blue Jackets' season ticket sales are down 25%. What is there to be optimistic about in Columbus? Well let's start with new coach Scott Arniel and it's all downhill from there.
  

• My favorite goon, Blues' Cam Janssen compares hockey brawls to baseball brawls. Interesting stuff from Janssen until he calls baseball players "warriors". I couldn't hit the "X" close tab quickly enough. However..here's a clip of Janssen fighting our own Rick Rypien:

• Is Nathan Horton going to break out in Boston? My money says "yes"
• The Canadiens, who did not name a captain last season,may give the honor to Brian Gionta. Prior to last season, Saku Koivu had held the captaincy for a grand total of 10 years. Now, just for trivia's sakes, the only other Habs player to hold the captaincy for that long in Montreal was Jean Beliveau from 1961-1971.
• Eric Belanger's agent says that they are considering legal action against the Washington Capitals for backing out of signing him (verbally, anyway). According to reports the Capitals had already helped Belanger lease a home in the area and Belanger already had his kids registered in a school there. Oh well, enjoy life in the desert, Eric.
  
• Speaking of the desert, Gary Bettman and the League want the Coyotes to build a new arena a revised lease for the Coyote's arena (thnx Beantown) by Demember 31st...or else. In other news: WTF???
• Jamie Langenbrunner, and I'm sure several other Devils players are questioning their collective fates now that New Jersey has signed Ilya Kovalckuk and are over the salary cap. The key quote from Langenbrunner there: "With me, I don't think it would be a case of not being wanted. But it's never in any player's best interest to stick around if they ask to trade you." The joy of no-trade clauses. Never complete security.
• OK OK, so he was a Leaf, and now a Flame...but admit Matt Stajan is a fine hockey player.
• Are Nikolai Zherdev and perhaps Bill Guerin improvements for the departed Simon Gagne and Arron Asham? I'm gonna go with "no" on that and that the Flyers do not make the Finals again this coming season.
• Reports suggest the Hurricanes have signed UFA Patrick O'Sullivan to a 2-way contract. Also, Rod Brind'Amour will be in charge of developing forwards. 
• AHAHAHAHHA Islanders targeting playoffs AHAHAHAHA oh stop it. Oh wait, there's more: that punk Russian they drafted in the 3rd round...Kirill Kabanov....arrived late for their prospects camp several days ago. High risk no reward? Why can't that idiot franchise avoid being a joke by making smart decisions? I really feel bad for those fans. Wait a minute, they beat us in the 1982 Finals...DIE A SLOW DEATH!!!!
• Lightning coach Guy Boucher plans to reunite Vincent Lecavalier and Martin St. Louis this season. Adjust your pool picks accordingly. Free advice. I shouldn't do it. Also with Tampa: "It doesn't matter how you put it. I can't sugarcoat it. I didn't have a good year." That from Mattias Ohlund, who had a piddly 13 points in 67 games with the Bolts last season. That would be a career low for him. Shoulda stayed in Van, you twit, but oh no, you had to leave town to ogle fake boobies on the beach in a more sunny location. In all seriousness I miss that guy. Tampa will re-emerge this season I am certain. So will Ohlund.
• Big pressure on Leafs' 2009 first round pick Nazem Kadri as their main camp arrives. How's this for spotlight/pressure: His AHL coach said of him: "The biggest thing with Nazem is he needs to grow up a little bit, get a little more experience, and instead of a kid, being a little more of a man." Hey why don't you check the size of his testicles while you are at it?
• People "hoping" Jordan Eberle and Magnus Paarjavi get cut from the Oilers' roster: any Canucks fan and the Oklahoma City Barons team/fanbase. Dream on. Too bad Magnus is deleting half of his name to just Paarjavi because I really wanted to see how they'd fit Paarjavi-Svenssons on the back of his jersey.
• Another Sutter?? Jesus, how many of them are there...and will they ever go away? Heh. Great hockey family, I won't lie. 
• No Jordan Staal for another 5-6 weeks because of a funky infection in his foot. Adjust your pool picks accordingly. More free advice. You owe me. Aaaaannnnnnd a Tim Horton's makes it's way to the Penguin's arena. Don't drink that crap! There's cocaine in it! I can't drink that coffee without my heart feeling like it's going to explode out of my chest. Timmy H's plans on seriously expanding to the USA and trust me when I say: "You're fukt, Dunkin' Donuts" Unless you guys put crack in your coffee too.
  
• Who is in charge of drafting and scouting in Nashville and hey, do you want a job in Vancouver? Amazing job done there. Just avoid Russians (Radulov).
  
• Roberto Luongo isn't the only big-named goalie who will play less this season...and how in the hell did I forget the Rangers signed Martin Biron? Oh right, because I was too busy laughing at their Boogaard contract. 
• Excitement in Motown? Stop the effing bus! I'll have none of that! 
• Andreas Lilja headed to the Sharks' camp on a tryout basis.
• The Sabres will join the Canucks with a 40th anniversary season of their own. The team was going to unveil a commemorative 3rd jersey on their own terms until the power of the internet took over:
  

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• The Stars still have not signed RFA's James Neal and Matt Niskanen. With ownership still in question, who knows how much Dallas can spend on these guys. 
• No Boogaard? No problem for the Wild. Nobody is talking about Minny these days but I declare: "Watch out for the Wild this season!" BTW, are (Clayton) Stoner jerseys going to be a hit in Minny or what? 

OK, that's all I've got. Wow, there goes 3 hours in a flash. Wait...a few OT links:

• 25 disturbing celebrity tattoos. Dear lord...
• What did this girl expect? Bullriding in a mini skirt. 
• Here's to love!  Guy carts drunk girlfriend around in a hopping cart. Enjoy your Friday! 
• Question of the day: You get 1st pick in your pool. Who do you draft: Crosby, Ovechkin or a Sedin?