FanPost

A few things I need to get off my chest

And only one of them is that horseshit disallowed goal.  I was pissed about that when I watched it, and reading the explanation of it just now means I'm much too wired to go to sleep any time soon, so let's rant bitches.

I am so sick of watching the Sedins try to make cute backhand cross ice passes in the offensive zone, or try to thread the needle to someone who might possibly be able to flick the puck at the net if only they could get a stick on it through 3 defenders, or completely predictably pass up an open shot on an odd man rush to cordially give the other twin a chance to score.  In case you hadn't noticed the Kings have scouted the twins and play the pass.  Every time.  And the twins pass it.  Every time.  Even Kyle Fucking Wellwood takes his tiny-ass stick and directs the puck at the net sometimes in these playoffs when there still might be a pass that he could make which has been a revelation for me.  He hasn't scored on any of those, but it must be surprising the hell out of Quick and everyone who has ever watched him play for the Canucks.  The Sedins though?  They only shoot if there has been the requisite number of pretty passes on the play.  Heaven forbid that they ever get a greasy goal - unless it's youtubeable they don't want it on their resume.

Do I even have to mention the penalty kill?  0% tonight?  The guys out there on the kill couldn't block a shot with a riot shield.  The Kings block more Kings shots than the Canucks do.  No Canuck defenseman seems capable of moving anyone out of the crease, Kings players set down roots there and grow leaves to make their screens more effective.  At the other end Jonathan Quick has 4-5 secret service in front of his net at all times taking bullets for him and clear-cutting the slot.  Sure, some Canucks try to block shots, by which they throw themselves on the ice in front of point men because that's what Balls does but they don't have what Balls has, which is timing so they're just polishing up the ice while Drew Doughty walks around for another seeing eye knuckleball to the top corner.  Seriously, I can't imagine that a penalty kill could be worse than it looks now if the Canucks just stood at the red line and hoped that the Kings might maybe miss the net a couple times out of pity.

Part of the problem is also Luongo.  He's either spitting out "re-purposed entrees" - as Darryl Reagh calls rebounds every game I've heard him call. Fuck I hate Versus - like a $6M pez dispenser, or he's just getting a piece of the shot and letting it trickle in behind him off his knob.  When he's on his game he makes more saves with his belly button than most goalies do with their pads, but right now he looks like a bigger, clumsier Brodeur out there flailing around and spraying the pucks he does save in random and unhelpful directions.

And that fucking drop pass in the neutral zone in every power play entry rush is going to make me have to buy a new TV because one of these times the remote control that I'm throwing is going to damage the one that I have.  The coach that thought that one up needs to be flogged within an inch of his life, given an aloe vera treatment, and then flogged again.  It gets the team set up in the zone 1 out of every 58 times they try it, so maybe they think it's working but it's not.  And neither is Pavol Demitra on the point, or anywhere else for that matter.  He's skating around a fair bit, might even be getting a tiny bit sweaty but he adds nothing to this team that this team needs unless they're actually trying to get to the golf course before it gets busy in May.

Alain Vignealt is being outcoached by Terry Murray.  The Kings have clearly scouted the Canucks and know their tendencies.  Their defensive system is designed to shut down point shots and whisk the puck away from the slot in the event of a rebound.  They bottle up the Sedins in their own zone for whole shifts, they intercept habit passes and they know the pet moves of all the Canuck players.  Canucks on the other hand are mystified by the fact that Doughty has puck handling skills so they keep running out at him in the hopes of seeing themselves in his highlight reels when he makes the hall of fame.  It's kind of like being in the hall, right?

The really sad thing is that The Canucks have become a first period team, where they used to be a third period team.  They come out of the tunnel like gangbusters and crush Kings players all over the ice in the first frame, and then mellow out and fade into the background as the game wears on, then shit the bed in the second period, then get respectable again, until they're forced into desperation mode late in the game and try all manner of ill-conceived hail mary passes and kamikaze pinches that piss the game away in the dying seconds.  And I hate the rollercoaster that puts me on.

But maybe you think this is all part of the plan and Vignealt has the Kings right where he wants them.  What do I know, I can't think straight right now anyway.

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