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The Book of Luongo




In honour of Patty Kane, who already has a copy of this book apparently, I thought I would start writing the Book of Luongo. Feel free to add to what I have started as I feel this book should be written in the same co-operative spirit as the Book of Genesis.

001:001 In the beginning LuonGod created the Arena and the Ice

 

001:002 And the ice was without form, and void of lines; and darkness was upon the seats of the rink. And the Spirit of LuonGod moved upon the surface of the ice.

001:003 And LuonGod said, Let there be floodlights, and there was light (about 3-4 minutes later as it takes a while for floodlights to warmup)

001:004 And LuonGod saw the light, that is was even (no one likes pesky shadows); and LuonGod divided the light for the ice from the light for the seats

001:005 And LuonGod called the light gametime and the dark pre-game nap. And the nap and the gametime were the first day

001:006 And LuonGod said, let there be lines on the floor that will appear in the midst of the ice, and let it divide the zones from the zones (he could have been more specific here but he doesn't have to he is LuonGod)

001:007 And LuonGod made the boards, and divided the crowd from the ice by the boards and the glass which was above the boards, and it was so

001:008 And LuonGod called the seats stands (why? No one knows why a bunch of places to sit is called stands it makes no sense but don't question LuonGod) and the nap and the gametime were the second day

001:009 And LuonGod said let the people under the heaven be gathered together in one place, and let them watch me perform, and it was so

001:010 And LuonGod called the dry land, training, and the gathering of the people together he called a crowd, and LuonGod saw that it was good (even if he says so himself)

001:011 And LuonGod said, Let the rink bring forth other players, gathered from all over but the Canadians yielding the best players because their seed is better than others, onto the ice and it was so

001:012 And the rink did bring forth other players, gathered from all over but the Canadians yielding the best players because their seed is better than others, onto the ice and LuonGod saw that it was good

001:013 And the nap and the gametime were the third day

001:014 And LuonGod said let there be jerseys on the players of the ice, to divide one team from the other, and let them be for home and away, for seasons and for years (Unless your the Canucks then change your uniform every 3-4 years)

001:015 And let there be a scoreboard in the heavens, to separate the scores of the two teams, and it was so

001:016 And LuonGod made two great days, the Hockey Day for the Canadians, and the Winter Classic for the Americans, he made the Dallas Stars also

001:017 And LuonGod created the games in the winter to bring warmth to the cold of the North

001:018 And somehow when he wasn't looking Bettman to rule over the teams, and to divide the fans from the owners, and it wasn't good (everyone makes a mistake now and then)

001:019 And the nap and the gametime were the fourth day

001:020 And LuonGod said, let the games bring forth abundantly the people of the Earth, even if they have to fly above the earth to make the games

001:021 And LuonGod created the draft, and every young player tried to get selected, which brought forth the agent, after their money, and as a player LuonGod let the agents live, and saw that it was good (for the players)

001:022 And LuonGod blessed them, saying, score plenty, and fight, and fill the stands with more crowds, and let the people be entertained

001:023 And the nap and the gametime were the fifth day

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