Let's get something out of the way right off the bat: Dallas F Steve Ott's a piece of shit.  He's obnoxious. His mother probably wishes somebody would catch him coming across the middle with his head down.  So if the question were literally "what would you say to Steve Ott?", the answers would probably be a collection of different rewordings of "dude, you're a huge bitch".  But, assuming Dallas is in a selling mood, what would you say to adding him to the Canucks before the trade deadline?

Ott's a UFA in July.  He had a bit of a breakout campaign last year, scoring 46 points in 64 games (about .7 PPG) and was +3.  This year, he's scoring at a .42PPG rate, and is an ugly-looking -14.  Theoretically, he'd come fairly cheaply.

So, why would we even consider adding an apparent one-year wonder who also happens to be a total cock?  First, I'd dispute that he's become a much less effective player this year (all numbers c/o Behindthenet.ca):

2008-2009
Quality of Competition*: [.008]....[.512]
Corsi/60: +7.4
Offensive zone faceoff frequency: 48%
PDO**: 1010

2009-2010
Quality of Competition: [.015]....[.742]
Corsi/60: -0.9
Offensive zone faceoff frequency: 45% (lowest on the Stars)
PDO: 956

Basically, he seems like a dude taking on slightly tougher assignments this year, and getting jobbed by the bounces.  He's also fourth among forwards in being credited with a hit. Always take that number with a grain of salt, but he's clearly a physical player. He can play centre, so I think he'd get the first crack at ousting Welly.  He's also a decent PKer.

Now, about the less tangible "total cock" part.  My thinking is this: could you imagine if we could roll the following lines...
Burrdins
Ray-Kes-Sam
Whatever-Ott/Demitra

...; if we could have one of Burr, Kes, or Ott out there for like 52 minutes a game?  Throw in SOB and Bieksa and I think you have just about the most annoying goddamn team on the planet.  They would start so many battles that they wouldn't finish--which would inevitably draw penalties.  We'd lead the league in yapping--if we don't already--and I think we could back it up with a legit, deep squad.

K, it's late. I've already spent way too much time on this scheme, and I can tell I'm becoming much less coherent as I go along. But I'm in love with this idea.  If the Stars are in a position to be selling in a month's time, I hope MG kicks the tires on one Steve "Bag of Piss" Ott, ESQ.

*([by Adjusted +/-]....[by Corsi])
**A player's team's shooting%+save% while he's on the ice.  Tends towards 1000 over time (probably a little higher for the truly great players and a little lower for truly shitty ones, but ~1000 for most players), after the bounces even out. 956 is crazy low.