I would have definitely Photoshopped Fat Bastard going down a Skeleton run, but I had a night shift to work :( Just visualize the laughs that would have elicited. Or y'all can ask Boss Zandberg to make it a reality.

Here's the next best thing:

(I can't even find footage with Goldmember saying he loves gold. My bad. Here's some "Get in my belly" instead.)

Schedule slash goodies after the jump:

The Schedule:

9:00am  Men's Curling Round Robin
Norway vs. Denmark | France vs. Germany | China vs. Great Britain | Sweden vs. USA

10:00  Women's Alpine Super-G
          Women's Freestyle Ski Aerials Qualifier

11:30  Ski Jump Individual

12:00pm  Men's Hockey Preliminary - Group A (Norway vs. Switzerland)

12:30  Ski Jump Final Medal Round

13:30  Men's X-Country Skiing 30km Pursuit Medal Round

14:00  Women's Curling Round Robin
Sweden vs. Russia | USA vs. Great Britain | Denmark vs. Switzerland | Germany vs. China

14:30  Women's Hockey (Switzerland vs. China)

16:15  Men's 1500m Speed Skating Medal Round

16:30  Men's Hockey Preliminary - Group B (Latvia vs. Slovakia)

17:00  Two-Man Bobsleigh - Heat 1

17:45  Women's 1500m Short-Track Heats

18:29  Men's 1000m Short-Track Quarterfinals

18:35  Two-Man Bobsleigh - Heat 2

18:58  Women's 1500m Short-Track Semifinals

19:00  Men's Curling Round Robin
Switzerland vs. China | Sweden vs. France | Canada vs. Great Britain

19:28  Men's 1000m Short-Track Semifinals

19:51  Women's 1500m Short-Track Medal Round

20:05  Men's 1000m Short-Track Medal Round

21:00  Men's Hockey Preliminary - Group C (Germany vs. Belarus)

Eightyseven's Olympic Hottie Watch:

Torah Bright, team Australia Snowboarder (via www.go4uggboots.com)

Henrik Lundqvist, team Sweden Goalie (via www.highheelsgambling.com)

Man, Lundqvist is so dreamy.

I spy a skinny tie,

and a nice grey vest,

and groomed eyebrows,

and deliberately dishevled hair,

and smoldering eyes...

Ocho Siete, get yourself together!

Moving on...

FREE.99 Musical Performances Tonight:
Paul Filek - 1:00 @ Doolins Pub (19+)
Mary Barry et Mimosa - 6:00 @ la Place de la Francophonie
Hey Rosetta! - 7:30 @ Atlantic Canada House
Rallycar - 3:00 @ Ozone
Ultimate Power Duo - 8:00 @ Ozone
Marianas Trench - 9:30 @ Ozone
The Arkells - 6:30 @ Livecity Yaletown
Sam Roberts - 9:30 @ Livecity Yaletown
Allez Ouest - 3:30 @ Holland Park
Shane Phillip - 4:30 @ Holland Park
Zuco 103 Soundsystem - 5:30 @ Holland Park
DRUM! - 6:30 @ Holland Park
Said The Whale - 7:30 @ Holland Park
Hey Ocean - 8:30 @ Holland Park
Tiger Style - 9:00 @ Holland Park
Mother Mother - 10:00 @ Holland Park
Malkit Singh - 10:00 @ Holland Park

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S. Just saw late night Olympics highlights. Gotta say:

1. Latvia's fire/Czech Republic's laziness made for an exciting last period. Grandpa Jagr got robbed.
2. Kevin Martin and Co. are killing it. The lady curlers are undefeated as well.
3. Way to leave Hollingsworth hanging in that interview, CTV. That was bush league. 
4. The Hamelin brothers are a massive gene pool of cuteness and nice hair.